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To have 'humiliated' my MIL

(1000 Posts)
ImALurkerNotAFighter Sun 07-May-17 11:22:47

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

TheStoic Sun 07-May-17 11:25:05

Yes, YABU to leave.

You made your point, and did it very well IMO.

Leave it at that, and move on. Until next time!

alonsypot Sun 07-May-17 11:25:29

flowers that was mean of her.

Honestly - I think you should take some deep breaths, talk to your dh, and perhaps stick it out this time with a fixed smile and make plans how you deal with it in future once you've calmed down.

Iamastonished Sun 07-May-17 11:25:40

She is a cow. That said, if I was going out for lunch I wouldn't want a big cooked breakfast anyway.

Foslady Sun 07-May-17 11:26:01

Wow - I don't know what was worse, your MIL's behaviour or the men accepting it! She deserves all she gets - so it's ok for her to humiliate you and have a go at your body shape but not for you to redress the balance.

What a cow!

CakeNinja Sun 07-May-17 11:26:42

Yanbu to have done that.
Stand your ground, don't flounce off, go out for lunch and enjoy what you order.
Ignore any further digs.
What a cow.

scaryteacher Sun 07-May-17 11:27:08

Go out to lunch and have loads to eat, and smile at her the whole time.

I would have wanted more bacon and another egg, plus butter and jam for the toast.

NavyandWhite Sun 07-May-17 11:27:24

These threads baffle me.

Why haven't you said to her before now that you need/want more food? You don't have to make an argument of it. Talk to her like an adult and explain her portion sizes don't fill you up.

No need for all this angst.

RiversrunWoodville Sun 07-May-17 11:27:33

You were quite restrained I would have (until recently becoming an involuntary veggie due to my stupid stomach <sob>) lifted dhs full plate before he started and swapped it. However DH says I have the diplomacy of a Sherman tank so possibly don't go by me. I'd still take them out for lunch but pointedly enjoy every single bite without any guilt about portion size

ENFJ Sun 07-May-17 11:28:10

I don't think you humiliated her!

You equalised portion sizes.

She shouldn't be trying to put you on a diet! You're an adult! And it sounds like you've been putting up with it for years before you cracked. And btw, it's not like you 'cracked' and had a slanging match, your 'cracking' moment was that you took some food off your own husband's plate!

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of leaving early. I would muster up as much calmness as you can and ignore it at least until you are calmer.

Any good host should not be forcibly putting a guest on a meager rations! She has been a terrible host if that is what she has been doing for years!

flibberdy Sun 07-May-17 11:28:27

YABU to leave early although I totally understand why.

Go for lunch and order the biggest roast dinner you can. Multiple meats.

alonsypot Sun 07-May-17 11:28:32

DH says I have the diplomacy of a Sherman tank so possibly don't go by me grin

YouTheCat Sun 07-May-17 11:28:42

Go out to lunch and stuff your face. I'd see it through and then tell your dh that you won't be doing it again.

Trb17 Sun 07-May-17 11:30:03

I wouldn't lea e as it would be an overreaction.

However I'd get seeet revenge. I'd go out for lunch... order every course you can.... plus sides... plus pudding. I'd talk all about how 'amazing' the food was and how good the chef must be. And if she comments I'd tell her that if she ate more she might not be such a miserable and mean person.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 07-May-17 11:30:11

I'd have kicked off about this a lot sooner than you op, I am known for getting hangry. You were right to do what you did, and if she makes any more digs about your weight you should address those (as calmly as you can) as well as its unacceptable. I'm surprised you dh let's her behave this way as well.

Trb17 Sun 07-May-17 11:30:28

Yes then afterwards refuse ever going/eating with her again.

number1wang Sun 07-May-17 11:30:48

YANBU about the food
YANBU to redress the balance
YWBU to leave. You won the argument! Stay and be smug about it all through lunch. That'll annoy her far more!

itsmine Sun 07-May-17 11:31:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alltouchedout Sun 07-May-17 11:31:18

I'd leave. A meal with her will be awful.

ENFJ Sun 07-May-17 11:31:57

Yes the Stoic is right! YOu handled it well and 'won' so don't ruin it by doing anything dramatic or ordering rings around yourself later just to make a point.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 07-May-17 11:32:11

Root of the problem: DH getting to sit quietly, usually going on his own and avoiding conflict, him not sticking up for you YEARS ago and pointing out that her behaviour around portions is silly and insulting to both of you.

He wants to still take them out for lunch? No, don't think he gets to reward her behaviour this time, really. Not unless he fancies WW3. Go home!

NavyandWhite Sun 07-May-17 11:32:13

There's no need for anyone to "kick off" it's a case of repeating that you're hungry and would like more food.

wellhonestly Sun 07-May-17 11:32:30

She is upset and embarrassed because you showed up her poor hostessing skills and rudeness. Don't leave - go and enjoy your lunch!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Sun 07-May-17 11:32:48

YWBU to leave but you weren't to even up the portion size!

Fwiw I'm a size 10/12 (when not pregnant) & would have 1 or 2 sausages, 2 rashers of bacon, mushrooms, 1 or 2 hash browns, beans, egg & a slice of fried bread for a cooked breakfast although I'd probably skip lunch (or cook it for lunchtime or close to).

FrancisCrawford Sun 07-May-17 11:32:56

You were quite right.

She humiliated you by referring to your size and her stupid assumption that you do not know about potion sizes.

Take her out to lunch and only allow her to have a child's portion. And definitely no pudding. Obviously no coffee, because that's not good for her. See how she likes other people making assumptions about her eating habits and inflicting them on her.

(Obviously don't do this! But it's the same thing)

She needs to learn to keep her silly opinions to herself and to learn how to be a polite and considerate hostess.

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