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To go to friends birthday meal with a grand title of £16

(246 Posts)
user1493797837 Fri 05-May-17 07:14:15

I'm on income support. I simply don't have any more money until Monday which I need for job interviews anyway.

I have no cash leftover each month.

My best friend is having his birthday party at a restaurant and the prices are between £7-£13 for a main meal.

It will cost me £5 for the train. So I will then have £10 for the meal. This means no splitting he bill, no drink, no tip, no being able to pay for things 'for the table'.

I've had to do it for years as I've been a desperate job seeker for most of my life. I have it down to a fine art. But i am worried people will order things and expect me to contribute such as bottles of water.

We never ever split the bill for the table and my friend orders about £100 worth of food and drink and so he insists it's only fair to pay for ourselves.

I wish we were going to good old weatherspoons or something but this restaurant was his choice.

I've perfected drinking tap water after the meal so no one knows I'm too skint to buy a drink. I'm leaving to get the 11 o clock train anyway.

I arrive at 7:30pm.

So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all? I can't meet them afterwards for drink as they won't be finished until around 9pm and I'd only have an hour and a half before my train.

Crunchymum Fri 05-May-17 07:16:06

Don't spend your last £15 on a social event.

Ariawyn Fri 05-May-17 07:17:08

Personally I wouldnt go, you have a small amount of money to last you till Monday

Phone up with an excuse that you're not well is the easiest

Harder would be to be truthful you simply can't afford it

BigGreenOlives Fri 05-May-17 07:18:15

Why don't you ring them & say you're really sorry but you can't come? No one would want their friend to starve over the weekend because they'd come to a party. Sometimes there are things we just can't do & people with life experience understand that.

Sorry you are undergoing hard times.

Bluntness100 Fri 05-May-17 07:19:25

I think uou need to be honest and say you can't go. You need some money in your pocket for emergencies and to spend it all on one night isn't a great idea.

user1493797837 Fri 05-May-17 07:22:07

I've enough food in.

To be honest, I'm skint. I want to go to the event as I still need to socialise. I know I can't afford a big night out but it's one meal.

Every week I spend my last bit of money. I can't afford to save any of it anyway.

EezerGoode Fri 05-May-17 07:22:09

Not a good need to not go

VerySadInside Fri 05-May-17 07:22:31

I'd go if it was my best best friend but then she'd know about my financial problems because we tell each other pretty much everything and then she'd insist on paying or maybe sneakily order far too much for herself and double drinks by accident. I'd do the same back for her.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 05-May-17 07:23:14

I wouldn't personally, if I had do little left I wouldn't spend it on a meal out anyway but definitely not one I couldn't relax and enjoy, I would be on edge all evening waiting on someone to announce "let's treat the birthday boy and split between 9"

user1493797837 Fri 05-May-17 07:23:26

It's my very best friend.

He'd be heartbroken if I didn't go.

He's never been poor so doesn't understand what it's like.

VerySadInside Fri 05-May-17 07:23:27

You could join for desert and drinks. Thats cheaper and there'd be no expectations of you chipping in for table stuff.

KRG13 Fri 05-May-17 07:24:21

Sorry, I wouldn't go either

user1493797837 Fri 05-May-17 07:24:40

It's so depressing.

You can't even enjoy the meal as you have to order he cheapest thing, no dessert,no drink.

But sometimes you have to do these things.

sparechange Fri 05-May-17 07:25:10

Personally, I would eat before I go out and turn up later, while everyone is eating and then join them for the social side but not eat with them
Maybe get one drink, and join in the social side but save the money on the food

Tell him in advance that you're not going to be able to get there in time to eat with them but you're definitely coming to celebrate

gamerwidow Fri 05-May-17 07:27:11

I think seeing as you want to go and you've got food in so won't starve for the rest of the weekend then should go and pay for just your food.
Being poor is bone crushingly wearing and depressing. If you can get out and enjoy yourself albeit at reduced means you should do it.

PurpleDaisies Fri 05-May-17 07:27:17

If he's your best friend, surely you can tell him how tight money is and he'll understand?

Even if he hasn't been poor himself he should be able to get that £16 to last until Monday is a horrible situation to be in?

Grimnews Fri 05-May-17 07:27:24

I'm in a similar position, and I would go. Being poor is tough and spending your last tenner on a meal out is fair enough when you just spend every waking moment worrying and struggling. I would probably just say to my friend before that I was down to my last tenner so couldn't make a big thing of it, sorry etc

Rhubarbara Fri 05-May-17 07:28:12

If he's your very best friend, and you've been in this situation for years, how can he not understand?

I would spell it out to him, with figures, like you've done here, in a factual way. And if you feel you can't miss the party - do what someone else suggested; show up after dinner for a drink.

Increasinglymiddleaged Fri 05-May-17 07:30:11

If you were my best friend I'd just offer pay for you - I'm guessing the issue is that you don't want him to do that?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Fri 05-May-17 07:30:32

Go! You sound like you really need cheering up, and you might enjoy yourself. You could eat before you go out, then claim you have a bit of a tummy ache and only order a starter or dessert/coffee?

DirtyChaiLatte Fri 05-May-17 07:33:07

You sound like you really want to go regardless of the money situation.

You said you 'have it down to a fine art', so you know what you're doing so you should just go and try to enjoy it.

I would throw it into the conversation at the table though that you're a bit skint and can only afford a main. If they're good friends then they won't judge you. Aren't a lot of people skint once in a while?

NavyandWhite Fri 05-May-17 07:33:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TupperwareTat Fri 05-May-17 07:37:37

Tell him you cant afford it.

Sirzy Fri 05-May-17 07:37:58

If you explained the situation would he not offer to discreetly pay for you? That is certainly what me and my best friend have both done for each other in the past when needed at times where the important bit is the company. Obviously you would have to be comfy with that too.

ChasedByBees Fri 05-May-17 07:38:15

I would go but explain to your friend as he may think no tip and no drink is odd otherwise.

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