I'm struggling at the moment. My dad passed away almost 6 years ago when i was 32 and my mum passed away last year when i was 36. Most of my friends have both their parents and all have at least one surviving parent. I know it's the grief talking but i'm feeling so upset when i think how many years are ahead with out them, i can't hardly bare thinking of it.
My mum was in her sixties when she lost her mum and my dad was in his fifties when his mum died.
I know there are children who lose their parents at a young age so I know I am lucky to have had them for as long as i have but I can't shift this horrible feeling of isolation and anxiety and i suppose a bit of fear that I have no birth family left. I have my husband and children but it's not the same.
I know I need to speak to a grief councillor but it's finding the time when i don't have my youngest as he is only 2 and I don't have anyone to have him and I couldn't take him with me as I wouldn't be able to concentrate.
I don't really know what i'm asking, just want to see if anyone else is in the same position and how you dealt with it? I can't imagine the rest of my life feeling like this.
Another thing i feel guilty about is, since my mum passed away I haven't really thought about my dad and yet i do still miss him but the grief i feel about my mum has taken over.
AIBU?
is 32 and 36 young to lose both parents
Freddofrog1983 · 04/05/2017 21:51
Yes, it's hard - I lost one parent at 17 and the other at 31. I felt, rather weirdly, orphaned - being the oldest generation at that age is a heavy feeling.
I'm so sorry you're finding it so hard. I promise it does get easier. 
Yes it is, especially hard when you have young DC and it feels like there is a gaping hole where your parents would have filled the role of DGPs to your DC. I lost my DF in mid 30s and my DM has dementia so in the kindest possible way to her I've lost them both. I feel like I've been struck through the heart every time someone casually asks why my parents can't come and help out a bit more, assuming that my family is like theirs. "Normal". It's not, and it never will be, and I know they would be devastated by that. You learn to cope though, I would say if you have the opportunriy to build up your own support network of people you can leave the children with its incredibly important for your emotional / MH and wellbeing
I'm so sorry for your losses.
It is young. I was 9mo when my dad passed (he was 36), but my mum is still here and going strong.
I think you grieve regardless of when it happens, and I do think professional help is beneficial. I'd urge you to try to get to a grief councillor, even if it means getting a sitter to take your DS for an hour or two. Having lost my dad when I was too young to remember him, my grief was delayed until I was 14/15-ish and then it was really awful. Getting some professional help really made a world of difference. I haven't felt upset much since. The odd day, once or twice a year, but I can speak openly about him now, and can joke about him etc. without getting upset or feeling guilty. I have accepted that this is how it is, and that's the most significant thing.
Yes I do think it's young. My DH lost his mom when he was aged 31 and it seemed so wrong.
My dad is 57 and although his dad died when he was mid 30's he has o my just lost his mom.
I'm 33 and both my parents are still alive and well and I can't even imagine losing either of them at this age.
I'm so sorry for your losses and I hope you get counselling that helps
My situation is almost identical to yours. Yes, it is young, and it is really tough.
I don't really have any words of wisdom for you, but obviously your grief is still very raw, especially with regard to your mum.
In case you haven't found it, there is a Bereavement board (look under Body and Soul) where people are really supportive and understand what you are going through
Yes, that's young
Many of my friends had lost one parent by the time they were in their 30s, but I don't have any who have lost both.
I lost my dad at 18. My mum is my world, I'd be lost without her. Sorry Op
"Another thing i feel guilty about is, since my mum passed away I haven't really thought about my dad and yet i do still miss him but the grief i feel about my mum has taken over."
I haven't lost my parents, but I lost my grandparents (who me and DM lived with and essentially raised me) a few years apart. Ggf passed first followed by DGM 10/years later. I felt this way after DGM died - I spoke to a grief councillor and his view was that I was grieving for both. While DGM was alive I still had a part of DGF, once both passed I had truly lost both, and marked the end of a part of my life. I hope that makes a bit of sense to you, it took me a little while but I got there.
I'm truly sorry for your loss, and wish I could help you more.
You are very young to lose both parents, you're not U to feel this way, allow yourself to grieve.
I hope you can find a way to attend a grief councillor, could a child minder or nursery work for you?
Thinking of you OP
It seems young and I understand how you feel. I'm 30 and can't imagine losing my parents any time soon but I do know that it happens. My cousin is in her early 20s and her younger sister, my other cousin, is not quite 15. Their dad is still alive but lost the ability to speak, walk, feed himself and toilet himself 9 years ago (aged 32) , my aunt died 4 years ago (aged 37). They still have 3/4 grandparents alive and even have 2 great-grandparents still living which feels so unfair sometimes. Even knowing all of that though in your position I think I'd still feel the same, even though I know full well that I'm very lucky to have reached adulthood with both parents alive I think I'd feel it was unfair if I had no parents left in 6 years time. I'd probably feel angry at the world too. I'm really sorry for your loss.
I think it is very young to lose both parents.
I am sorry OP 
I can only imagine the pain of losing both parents at a young age :(
Three of my children lost their dad at aged 14, 12 and 10.
Yes, very young. I'm so sorry op . One of my grandparents was still alive when I was 40.
Only one of my friends has lost both parents. She is 54 and her parents died when she was 48 and 50. The rest of us (similar age) still have at least one parent alive.
Yes, it's young. I lost one in late teens and the other in late twenties. They never met my husband or my children (and would have been amazing grandparents), and as a pp said, the lack of emotional and practical support in young adulthood - the kind that only loving, supportive parents can really give - is hard to swallow. They were cheated, I was cheated, dh and dc were cheated out of what most people expect and get to experience. It sucks.
You were cheated too, OP. I'm sorry for your losses.
I was 12 when I lost my dad and 27 when I lost mum. I feel totally robbed. I know people in their 60's that still have both parents living. Don't feel guilty about thinking about your mum more, your dad's been passed longer so you're at different stages of grieving for them both. The pain of your mum is still raw whereas your dad was 6 years ago.
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