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To not make his sandwiches?

(483 Posts)
DeleteOrDecay Thu 04-May-17 18:40:30

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be botheredhmm it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

MrsPicklesonSmythe Thu 04-May-17 18:42:03

YABU. Make the man a sandwich. It only takes 5 mins and you're home to do it.

UppityHumpty Thu 04-May-17 18:43:26

If he can't be bothered then Don't get involved. I agree with you - it's not your job to mother him.

Oly5 Thu 04-May-17 18:44:36

If I loved my DH id make him a sandwich while putting the kids' breakfast on. No big deal.

Babymamaroon Thu 04-May-17 18:44:43

YANBU. He's a grown up fgs!!

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox Thu 04-May-17 18:45:39

If you have the time why wouldn't you? If you don't have the time tell him to make his own bloody sandwiches.

LadyintheRadiator Thu 04-May-17 18:46:33

Yanbu, he is big enough to look after himself, surely?

There's nothing wrong with anyone making their partners lunch - nice thing to do if you're so inclined and want to do it - but he is feeling rubbish at work because he can't be bothered to make a sandwich? hmm

MagentaRocks Thu 04-May-17 18:47:15

I don't get why you wouldn't. I know he is an adult blah blah and can do it himself. My dh isn't organised enough to make himself food for work. I am the organised one and often make him nice food to take to work. i like doing stuff for him, it's a small amount of effort to improve his day. He also does nice things for me that I don't like to do to make me happy and my life easier. We are a partnership and like to do things for each other.

MadameJosephine Thu 04-May-17 18:47:17

So he wants you to do it because he 'can't be bothered'? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! YANBU

Mumteedum Thu 04-May-17 18:47:34

No no no... I will never do this ever again. My horrible Exh used to bully me about fecking sandwiches. He'd even wake me to go make them having been up all night with baby. I agree, why should you do that when he can't be bothered.

Occasionally yes. But if he expects it like it's your duty... Hell no. (I may have issues about this grinhmm)

monkeywithacowface Thu 04-May-17 18:47:42

It takes five minutes there is no reason why he can't do it himself. Hate this SAHM should wipe their DH's arse BS that you see on these threads.

BrutusMcDogface Thu 04-May-17 18:48:03

I think I would, if I had the time. My dp has soup but he prefers to buy his own. In the past I have made him sandwiches. Depends how much you love him and how much of an equal partner you feel he is (ie, not making you do absolutely everything for house and kids)

BarbarianMum Thu 04-May-17 18:48:13

I don't think you have to be someone's mum to make them a pack up. Dh makes mine and I'm damn sure he's not my dad. hmm

ijustwannadance Thu 04-May-17 18:49:31

I certainly wouldn't make him a fucking sandwich if his reason was that he couldn't be arsed.
I love my DP but he is a fully capable grown man who can make his own lunch.
SAHM does not make it your job.

MrsMotherHen Thu 04-May-17 18:49:43

it takes five minutes. You are concerned that he isn't getting anything decent to eat but refuse to russle him a sandwich. YABU

LadyintheRadiator Thu 04-May-17 18:50:44

No, you don't have to be someone's mum, but if you don't infantilise yourself in the first place that's not an issue - feeling 'crap' because you're too pathetic to put something in between two slices of bread is disgustingly unattractive.

Huge difference between making someone lunch as a favour and doing it because they're a feeble manchild.

DeleteOrDecay Thu 04-May-17 18:51:41

There's nothing wrong with anyone making their partners lunch - nice thing to do if you're so inclined and want to do it - but he is feeling rubbish at work because he ^*can't be bothered^ to make a sandwich?*

This is exactly how I feel. I don't have a problem making him lunch as a nice gesture, we love each other and do nice things for each other regularly (and sometimes that does include preparing a meal or similar). But I resent the notion that I should be expected to do it every day. He is a grown adult who is more than capable but is choosing not to. This week he starts his shift at 1pm, gets up at around half10/11 and apart from getting dressed and showered he pretty much sits on the sofa till its time to go. I don't see why he can't take 5mins out from sitting on the sofa to ensure he has food so he isn't hungry and feeling crap at work as a result.

JustAKitten Thu 04-May-17 18:52:54

YABU. You're the one at home, I'd expect the main cooking duties would be yours.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli Thu 04-May-17 18:53:13

SAHM does NOT equal personal skivvy to the lord and master of the house. It's only 5 mins, he can do it himself.

And as for the if you love him.. crap, let's switch that around. If he loves her he would be adding yet another job to her plate.

I have never made DP's lunch in the 30 years we've been together that's always been his responsibility.

DoublyTroubly Thu 04-May-17 18:53:21

To be honest, he obviously works hard to support the family and you say yourself that he has been feeling rubbish. I don't understand why you wouldn't spend 5 minutes to do something to support him

DeleteOrDecay Thu 04-May-17 18:53:29

I wouldn't class making a sandwich as cooking.

LadyintheRadiator Thu 04-May-17 18:53:31

He sounds a bit wet OP. Is this is or is it indicative of him generally being pathetic in other areas?

How old are your DC? What time does he finish work?

LittleLionMansMummy Thu 04-May-17 18:53:38

I'm on mat leave and make dh's. He doesn't expect it but it's easy enough to do while I'm making ds's for school anyway. He pitches in with everything so it's not like he thinks it's women's work or whatever, and when I'm at work and he has some spare time he makes them for me. I don't think it's a big deal.

Fluffyears Thu 04-May-17 18:53:59

I make the sandwiches and dp drives me to station to give me the extra ten minutes to make them. Win-win

EllaHen Thu 04-May-17 18:54:13

I manage to make my own lunch as well as the kids packed​ lunches and work ft.

I would find a grown adult's inability to make their own sandwich pathetic and unattractive.

And, to all the posters heaping pressure on the op - shame on you.

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