The major bone of contention in our relationship is how DP does (or doesn't) keep in touch with me when he's away. I accept that he needs to travel for work and I don't want to have a negative impact on that. The evenings are very sociable and they're always out eating and drinking and DP enjoys it, so it's not really a hardship for him to be away from home. It can be difficult for me because, as well as missing him, he spends a lot of time entertaining female clients, one or two he freely admits to finding attractive, and historically he hasn't been good at keeping in touch when he's away which has caused arguments. He's also done a couple of unwise things in the past, but not with me, and I do believe he wouldn't cheat on me.
This week he's away for four days. Before he left, I tried to make sure we had a nice evening together to ensure we parted on a loving, happy note. But he didn't seem to want to engage and just sat on the sofa watching movies, so I kind-of gave up trying to get his attention, feeling a little hard done by.
For this trip, I'd suggested that we don't contact each other, as if I don't expect to hear from him, then I won't be disappointed if he doesn't message me. It removes the obligation on him to send me the occasional courtesy texts I used to ask for but he wasn't very good/consistent at sending and avoids the upset I'd feel when I expected to hear from him but didn't.
Basically, I don't want to argue. No-contact means there is no expectation that he fails to live up to. It's extreme, but at this point I just don't want to argue.
But, late on the first night away, he messaged to say he was back in his room, and we had a brief conversation, then at 10am the next day he messaged "Morning x" so I let him know my plans for the day (drinks after work etc.) I assumed the no-contact thing wasn't happening (he wasn't that keen anyway). But instead of letting me know what his plans were in return, I heard nothing more from him, and then later in the evening Facebook informed me he was somewhere random - not a million miles away from where I thought he was, but clearly the evening jolly was more adventurous than usual. But he hadn't bothered to message me at all, and I didn't know if he even planned to at some point.
I'm so annoyed because I feel like if he didn't want to do no-contact, then he should at least let me know where he is and what his plans are - just a message or two during the day or evening, NOT constant updates or anything.
At the moment I feel like he just messages me very occasionally when it suits him; other than that he totally forgets about me because he's off enjoying himself. It's as if he has a whole other life that I know nothing about.
I fear I'm about to get flamed for being an insecure crazy woman but . . . AIBU?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
. . . to expect more contact from DP when he's away?
98 replies
ZiggyForever · 04/05/2017 09:15
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