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AIBU - church flowers

(223 Posts)
Claire1200 Mon 01-May-17 23:10:11

My best friend is getting married in September in a parish (feel like this might be relevant to the story) church. A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers. She told her that she has organised her own florist. My friend said to this lady that she was going to use the same flowers at the reception venue too and was going to transport them there after the service. The lady went on to say that the church can choose to keep her flowers there, as if to say she hasn't got a choice in the matter. Is this a thing or is this lady just being unreasonable? Can the church actually say she can't take her flowers with her? This was the first she had heard of this and was really upset as she hadn't budgeted for two lots of flowers. Any help/advice appreciated.

AdaColeman Mon 01-May-17 23:12:06

Tell her to ask the vicar and see what he says.

MommaGee Mon 01-May-17 23:13:03

I can't see how they could stop her but depending on how many flowers there are, its a faff. I'd check what the church will charge to do flowers - we had basic church flowers in with the standard costs

SockQueen Mon 01-May-17 23:13:03

I would suggest she speaks to the priest or at least the churchwarden to get the real story, rather than the local busybody.

Catsize Mon 01-May-17 23:13:34

It is customary to leave the flowers as a gift to the church.
Pretty sure that the church can't choose though.

OwlinaTree Mon 01-May-17 23:15:17

Yes speak to the vicar. At our church wedding the church requested we made a flower arrangement for one part of the church that they would keep. The local florist had a little smile when I started to explain this as she had obviously heard the request before.

FrancisCrawford Mon 01-May-17 23:15:29

I've never heard of anyone taking the flowers from the church.

It's a courtesy to leave them there. It is normal to see wedding flowers from a Saturday service the following Sunday

Describing the lady as a "busybody" is very nasty and quite uncalled for. She was only having a polite conversation with a bride to be.

Is your friend a regular member of this church?

Catherinebee85 Mon 01-May-17 23:15:37

It's quite a normal thing for the flowers to be left to the church so she's not being unreasonable to ask. I doubt the church can demand to keep them but I think it may be bad form to take them (if that makes sense)

HeddaGarbled Mon 01-May-17 23:17:01

I've never heard of anyone moving flowers from church to reception before. Seems like an awful lot of faff.

ImAllShookUp Mon 01-May-17 23:17:09

It's the customary/polite thing to do to leave the flowers at the church. That might be what the lady means. I would not ask the vicar in case s/he feels put on the spot?

Katnisnevergreen Mon 01-May-17 23:17:48

I took pew ends and the big displays from outside, but left the rest for the church. It's for their Sunday service and is a nice tie to the community. They can say the flowers are from the couple

BackforGood Mon 01-May-17 23:17:56

Agree it is customary to leave flowers in Church.
Who is going to want to start carting flowers to the Reception and getting watermarks all over their clothes??

At many a Parish Church, there can be 2,3, or even more weddings on a day in the height of season, and often the brides share the cost with each other.

Technically I suppose she owns them if an outside florist has done the arrangements, but it's not usual. Anyway, won't they be completely different sorts of arrangements - pew ends or whatever don't really sit as centre pieces on a table at a meal.

ConferencePear Mon 01-May-17 23:18:00

What day are you getting married Claire ?
I wonder if the woman was wanting to ensure that the church was OK for the Sunday service ? Maybe the women who do the flowers have a particular time that they usually do it ?

NicAndNick Mon 01-May-17 23:18:31

Our church kept ours but they were included in the cost of getting married there and it wasn't our florist. I saw the flowers as the churches.

It also makes me happy to see wedding flowers in the church on a Sunday, as a happy (hopefully!) wedding has taken place the day before.

As a pp said speak to the church and see what they say. She could always transport them back to the church Sunday AM if she didnt want 2 sets?

Seren85 Mon 01-May-17 23:19:24

I doubt that the Church can choose to keep them but as said above it is usual to leave them. We left ours other than two tree things that were at the door which were hired and then put at the reception venue entrance by someone. No idea who did that actually. I was too busy with photos and speaking to guests and making mooning faces at my new DH to want to faff with flower transportation.

sunshinemeg Mon 01-May-17 23:19:54

I was married in a cathedral and had the flowers transferred to the reception by the ushers. Nobody suggested the flowers should stay put

RestlessTraveller Mon 01-May-17 23:21:26

My thoughts would be if the church wants to keep them, they pay for them. it's not like they're short of cash

BackforGood Mon 01-May-17 23:21:40

A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers

Or, put another way, a lady who has kindly given up her own time to assist and make sure the weddings at the Church run smoothly, and who was willing to offer to help with something many brides might not have yet thought about hmm

GladAllOver Mon 01-May-17 23:22:54

I've been to many church weddings and I've never seen flowers moved after the service.

NeverTwerkNaked Mon 01-May-17 23:25:47

I would have assumed they stayed? But most sensible churches would show understanding.

NeverTwerkNaked Mon 01-May-17 23:25:54

I would have assumed they stayed? But most sensible churches would show understanding.

Moreisnnogedag Mon 01-May-17 23:26:47

Really people leave them?? blush I took ours to the reception and didn't even think of it!! No one mentioned it to us at all and my PIL are the church busybodies! (Not really they help out loads)

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 01-May-17 23:28:47

Here you take the arrangement with the unity candles and all other flowers stay in the church, its a courtesy. Maybe your friend took the lady up incorrectly? Or the lady didn't explain it correctly, either way the church can't make her but i think it would be unusual

OrangeJubbly Mon 01-May-17 23:28:56

It's customary to leave the flowers as a gift to the church. It would appear pretty odd to start carting them off to the reception. Definitely not the done thing, although I don't imagine the church can insist on keeping them obvs.

Newlee Mon 01-May-17 23:32:01

I got married recently and discovered it is traditional and seen as "proper" by the older generations to leave Church flowers in the Church as a donation. When I mentioned to my Dad I was going to do separate flowers for the reception his reaction was along the lines of: "I should think so you cannot take the flowers from the Church!!" In a spitting feathers way

The vicar distributed them to needy members of the congregation and said their purpose was to "give joy". So I think maybe his lady is of that mindset and hasn't encountered a wedding party removing them before?

However she can't actually stop you of you want to do this.

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