This is partly an AIBU, and partly a WWYD. I don't know what my role is here, and don't want to upset anyone. Apologies for length.
I'm currently on mat leave with my first child. My SiL is now back at work after having her first child, who is 18 months old and goes to nursery/stays with relatives, etc. for childcare.
One day each week, SiL's child (my niece) is looked after by MiL (who is also SiL's MiL - our DHs are brothers). As I'm on mat leave, I often meet up with MiL on the day she has my niece. We often spend these days at my house as I have more space.
Anyway, I've recently been contacted by my SiL about these days. She's had some questions, and wants me to make sure MiL does certain things:
- not watch TV (doesn't want niece watching TV, I mean)
- make sure niece sits in a high chair for all snacks and meals (and wears the harness)
- make sure niece eats all her lunch and in the right way (SiL has rules about eating)
- spend a certain amount of time with niece looking at books, etc.
SiL has asked me to make sure MiL does these things, as she doesn't think she does at the moment. This is true, actually, as when I take my baby for a nap, MiL puts the TV on (CBeebies or something). She also lets my niece eat her snacks in the living room, while playing. I don't entirely understand the eating rules, but perhaps they're not completely followed either.
However, I don't think this is my business. Surely it's up to SiL to talk to MiL about it, and tell her how important it is to her that she does these things? I'm not the one responsible for my niece on those days (though obviously love her and help look after her), and I don't want to spy on MiL.
SiL has gotten a bit shirty with me, and started saying I'm should be more understanding about her rules, and would have my own when I go back to work. (I guess this is true). I've tried to play it all down and encourage her to talk to MiL, but it's all starting to get a bit aggressive.
For what it's worth, MiL is lovely and isn't doing anything 'wrong'. She might not be following all the rules, but a) they're not my rules, and b) she doesn't want my niece to get upset so perhaps lets her do things that SiL wouldn't allow (like eating while playing, having lunch at the time she wants, etc.).
I have actually tried to give my own opinion to MiL, as I also don't want the TV on, and I've tried to make sure we ALL sit and have meals together, but I don't want to go much further. It's not my place to tell her what to do.
I'm starting to be put in the middle, and I worry I'm going to end up upsetting someone. AIBU to try and stay out of it completely? Or will it backfire on me?