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AIBU?

To ask if you know what was wrong with my mum

20 replies

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:10

All my life my mum had an explosive temper. Suddenly she'd just start screaming. I remember her losing it over strange things, like once she put a tape of music on and I went out of the room and missed her favourite song, and another time I didn't know something about an actress.

Other times it was easier to see why she was annoyed but still nothing justified it like getting a detention for forgetting a PE kit or something - she would scream and cry and shout 'no, no no!'

She was an alcoholic.

Do you think she had a personality disorder? And is it hereditary? I am worried about me and my daughters.

OP posts:

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Crunchymum · 30/04/2017 22:12

she was an alcoholic

I think you may have answered your own question OP

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:15

Yes but she was not drunk all the time. She drank for a reason, and I think that reason was MH illness.

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CaulkheadNorth · 30/04/2017 22:18

None of us know your mum. Even if some of us are medically trained in diagnosing people with personality disorders, we wouldn't do it over the internet to someone else.

Maybe look at the support you can access?

TiredyMcTired · 30/04/2017 22:19

Hi, sorry that you had such a difficult childhood, it's not easy with an alcoholic parent. Obviously it is difficult for anyone to know what else may have been going on for her, I'm assuming from the tone of your post that she is not around anymore? alcoholism can cause the explosive tempers and up&down mood swings, she could also have been depressed as a result of the alcohol abuse.

Just because your Mum was an alcoholic with an addictive personality does not mean that you or your daughters will be the same... My Dad grew up with a violent alcoholic father, he regularly arrived home and beat my grandmother and my Dad could hear what was happening. It caused a lot of emotional damage for my Dad, and he struggled with depression for years. But he never wanted to be like his father and is the most lovely, loyal and gentle man I know.

Tiredbutfuckingfine · 30/04/2017 22:20

Thing is I have many alcoholic women in my family and they all had different traits. One of them had the same kind of OTT hysteria you describe.
The thing was, it wasn't that she necessarily lost the plot over actual problems. Once there was a screaming fit over someone on tv cooking, saying "do x by doing this, well actually do this or that, doesn't matter" a good ten minutes of histrionics about hypocrites.
The thing with alcoholics is they are drunk, or hungover, or both and so therefore they are unpredictable, emotional and inappropriate.
I think it's unlikely to be a behaviour you will adopt as you are aware that it's not good and not nice to experience

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:25

There isn't any support. I'm only asking here as I can't ask anywhere else. Maybe it was just the drinking then? I don't know.

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Quickieat2 · 30/04/2017 22:26

What are you worried about with you and your DD's?

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:29

In case whatever it is is genetic

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TheVanguardSix · 30/04/2017 22:35

Personality disorders and addiction make good bedfellows OP. My MIL is an alcoholic with a personality disorder. The alcohol feeds the beast. Or maybe the addiction is fed by the personality disorder.

Have you tried counselling? My DH is very damaged by his upbringing. I often feel that if he'd had therapy he'd be happier in his own skin.

You can recover from such an upbringing. But you have to face the lion in the den and regurgitate old thoughts in order to overcome the past. It's hard but it's worth facing it. It will be cathartic for you.

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:37

Yes my brother had addiction problems too. It's all quite scary and sad. I can't really afford counselling.

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TheElephantofSurprise · 30/04/2017 22:40

I was like that and I wasn't an alcoholic or drug abuser.
There is all sorts of counselling available. Are you in the UK? If you look, you should find some free counselling. Search 'Healthy Minds', perhaps. Some you have to wait for. I'm having Active Monitoring from next week - it's free and I've only had to wait ten days. The counsellor says he'll refer me on if I need something more in-depth.

Domino20 · 30/04/2017 22:41

It could be extreme PMT. I've experienced PMT so profound that it's like having a personality disorder, just uncontrollable rage. It is somewhat kept in check with anti depressants but I'm still very volatile at certain times during my cycle.

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:47

You have to wait months for a couple of sessions, it's okay. I do wonder about PMT/menopause

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Quickieat2 · 30/04/2017 22:51

How old are your daughters and is there any behaviour that you are worried about specifically? Your daughters or yours?

EmNetta · 30/04/2017 22:56

Have you tried Al-Anon? It's help for relatives and friends of alcoholics, whether someone's still drinking or not.

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 22:59

I eat compulsively but am trying to stop.

OP posts:

pudddy · 30/04/2017 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 30/04/2017 23:01

Al-anon is a brilliant organisation for people who love alcoholics, or who have alcoholic family members. Their stuff is usually free.

Sparklingwaterandcordial · 30/04/2017 23:01

Thanks, she's been dead over 20 years though!

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AmberLav · 30/04/2017 23:21

Grandad was a morphine addict, dad was an alcoholic, my sisters and I have no obvious additions or mh issues. So the genetic element does not always come into play.

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