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AIBU?

AIBU to have never felt degraded by the fact I don't earn "my own" income?

999 replies

Incognit0 · 30/04/2017 19:58

I'm fairly new to MN, but recently have read a lot of threads which seem quite judgemental about women who do not work outside the home, particularly once the DC are at school. I have never come across this attitude in real life, so wonder if MN is an anomaly, or if I'm actually missing something?

OP posts:
Beebeeeight · 30/04/2017 19:59

People in real like are too polite to say it to your face.

They will be thinking it.

KindleBueno · 30/04/2017 20:06

Bee has it spot on.

Widehorizen · 30/04/2017 20:07

Lots of WOHMs feel guilty and wish to justify their choices so try to belittle SAHMs.

MyFavouriteName · 30/04/2017 20:07

I've never judged anyone for it. Real life or online.

Incognit0 · 30/04/2017 20:08

I genuinely have never suspected that though Hmm

OP posts:
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 30/04/2017 20:09

incognito

I think most sensible people dont give a shit

Most people i know either dont give a shit or are too gutless...or as bee says polite to ever say it to my face Smile

HomityBabbityPie · 30/04/2017 20:10

I wouldn't judge you for it at all but I do worry about women who don't have their own income as it leaves them vulnerable.

Seeingadistance · 30/04/2017 20:12

And some of us, having worked hard through school and beyond, prefer to keep working in our chosen careers. Some, even though the job itself may not be intrinsically fulfilling, or even a bit of a pain in the arse, prefer to be financially independent, and not have to rely on someone else.

And some of us remember that it's not so long ago that women were denied education, autonomy and independence.

witsender · 30/04/2017 20:12

I've never judged nor felt judged. But then in my 'circle' the majority of mothers of say, primary age children don't work, or do so very part time. What's to judge? Work isn't the be all and end all

Seeingadistance · 30/04/2017 20:13

^^ That was particularly to Widehorizen, but still applies generally.

Mrskeats · 30/04/2017 20:14

I worry for women with kids who aren't married and have no job as it make them v vulnerable and have seen it go very wrong,

witsender · 30/04/2017 20:15

But what has that to do with your opinion on others' choices seeing? That's just your motivation for working surely?

krustykittens · 30/04/2017 20:15

Seeingadistance so what are you saying, that SAHM are letting down the sisterhood?

UpsyDaisy123 · 30/04/2017 20:15

On the other side of the coin, there are plenty of others who judge women for working and leaving their kids in wrap-around care/with child minders/with au pairs.

Believe me, either way, you can't win.

MsHooliesCardigan · 30/04/2017 20:15

I don't judge but, for me personally, earning my own money is incredibly important to me. Also, DH is not in the best of health. To put it bluntly, we have life insurance so, if he died, we would be ok financially. However, if he had to give up work due to ill health, we'd be stuffed if I didn't work.

Trifleorbust · 30/04/2017 20:16

Anyone who judges you because you and your partner live off one income, which he happens to earn, so one of you is able to care for your children, is a wanker.

Incognit0 · 30/04/2017 20:16

Surely though if you're working it's all family money anyway? It's the overall level of family wealth that will determine your "independence" in the event of a separation, as everything will be split in any case.

OP posts:
SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 30/04/2017 20:16

I'm not judging you but I would urge you to think about a plan B.

witsender · 30/04/2017 20:16

I agree with MrsKeats too. I wouldn't judge, as I couldn't care less really and there are far more heinous 'crimes' than not working tbh, but I would worry that someone who was unmarried and in that boat has left themselves very vulnerable.

dinosaursandtea · 30/04/2017 20:17

Frankly, I think it's a terrible example to set your kids.

KenAdams · 30/04/2017 20:17

I agree with Homity. I've seen so many friends having to support 3 kids on a minimum wage job as they've got no skills because daddy has fucked off with a younger model and left them high and dry.

I also can't fathom having to depend on someone to the extent that I'd be screwed if they left. I wonder how much I'd put up with if I couldn't afford to leave as well.

SoupDragon · 30/04/2017 20:17

People in real like are too polite to say it to your face.

They will be thinking it.

Only in the same numbers as people judging WOHM.

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witsender · 30/04/2017 20:18

How so dinosaur?

MoreThanUs · 30/04/2017 20:18

I've never felt judged, but that might be because I don't really give a toss what people think.

Seeing, I rely on my DH for family income. My DH relies on me for running the family / home and bringing up our children. Don't kid yourself that I'm the only dependent one. We're codependent - otherwise known as a spouses or partners.

dalek · 30/04/2017 20:19

Trifeorbust - I think I love you! Can't believe people are so interested in other people's lives that they would judge someone for working or not.

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