To think my husband has a drinking problem?

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

I feel kind of awful for thinking this but....
Husband drinks about 2.5 pints every night. This has been ongoing for years. Everything in moderation is his mantra. It's never bothered me until a recent holiday when everyday revolved around him being able to have his beer. He also won't eat with us anymore as he doesn't like to drink on a full stomach so he waits until the kids are in bed, has his beers then his tea. It's very ritualistic.
I let it go on holiday (god that makes me sound like a right nag) I mean I didn't make an issue out of it for the sake of the holiday.
Anyway we're back now, and he has suspected gout 🙈
Doc says beer is the worst cause. Husband disagrees 'everything in moderation'. Apparently doc says it's common after holiday as you get dehydrated. So it seems beer is off the hook with that one comment?

So all our weekend plans have gone awry because he can't walk. I'm doing everything. Last night he asks me to go to the shop. No problem, what would you like? The reply-beer!

So I said that I didn't feel comfortable buying him beer. Why don't you have a break from it to give your body chance to fight the gout. 'I don't want to' came the reply.
Apparently I'm trying to control him and he doesn't agree that beer does any harm. Maybe it wasn't the cause, maybe it was. Surely if there were doubt then it's sensible to have a break?
Is 2 beers a day every day too much?
AIBU??

[user1488721675]

The problem isn't really if 2 pints a day is too much it's the fact that he's need for them impacts his and your family's entire day and everything else runs around his 2 pints.
But yes, I do think it's too much it's double the recommended weekly intake.

[Gottagetmoving]

He seems more obsessed with the routine of the beer each day and when he has it.
I don't think that amount is dangerous but ideally he should have a few days a week with no alcohol.

[Topseyt]

It is regular drinking, but I have known people who drink far more.

I would agree with you that some alcohol free days every week would be a good idea, but the decision has to be his.

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

Oh. I've been burying my head haven't I? 🙈
I'm not sure he told the doc how much or how often he drinks.

I've tried to mention it so many times but he just says that's his vice. Kind of justifies it with being healthy otherwise which he is.

He just says, I don't agree with you and if I try and continue the conversation it becomes about me being bossy or controlling. He almost laughs at me for even mentioning it, like I'm being all dramatic 😢

[topcat2014]

Sounds way too much - 3x the limit.

Limits are 14 units per week, with two drink free days.

so, even allowing for the joylessness of public health news, still sounds excessive.

[TimeforANewTwatName]

Yes it sounds like he does have a problem.

It's the fact alcohol is running his daily life.

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

Oh. I've been burying my head haven't I? 🙈
I'm not sure he told the doc how much or how often he drinks.

I've tried to mention it so many times but he just says that's his vice. Kind of justifies it with being healthy otherwise which he is.

He just says, I don't agree with you and if I try and continue the conversation it becomes about me being bossy or controlling. He almost laughs at me for even mentioning it, like I'm being all dramatic 😢

[Tigger365]

After living with an alcoholic for a long long time. The only advice I can give, which seems pretty shitty, is that he has to realise for himself or it won't work.

I wish you the best of luck

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

Thanks Tigger365, in the meantime I'm just not happy having my children and our lives dictated by the problem. It's sad. I feel cross about his reaction and the things he is saying about me. I am genuinely concerned.

He's stumbled off to the shop for his fix now 💔

[Gallavich]

He's hardly healthy otherwise if he has gout is he?

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

What I meant by that is that his diet and exercise outside of the drinking would be perceived as healthy.

[kel1493]

I agree. I drink every day because I enjoy it. However if for whatever reason I couldn't have a drink one day, it would not bother me at all.
I think it's the fact that he is reluctant not to drink that is the problem, as a pp said.

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

So if you got gout and were advised to take a break from drinking you would?

[Gwilt160981]

Has he ever heard of cirrhosis of the liver? He needs to be careful. I lost my mom to cirrhosis and its barbaric once the illness really kicks in.

[Applebite]

I have the same issue, OP. Except he drinks more than 2.5 pints some nights. Any attempt to discuss it is met with rage and how he sees it as his treat (again, dependence!).

He's recently suggested having 2 nights a week off and going running, so I am hoping he sticks to it.

So sympathy - I don't have a solution I'm afraid

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

He's a very intelligent man. He's known people with drink problems he just really doesn't believe he has one. I guess I've just listened to his reasoning until now but the holiday (where normal routine goes out of the window) bought it home.
Now I feel sick. I just don't know what to do 😢
Someone give me a giant kick up the arse please

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

Applebite- so the 2 night a week thing must be a sign that he recognises it's good to have nights off? I can't even get my husband to that point.

Half of me thinks, fine, do what you please. But it's causing issues with the kids and I don't think it's healthy for them to think daily drinking is the norm?

[Wolfiefan]

Drinking every day is bad.
Drinking 5 plus units everyday is really bad. Structuring your life around drinking and it affecting the family? That would be the end for me.
He has a huge problem.
You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it.
So what are you going to do?

[danTDM]

I think it's fine, personally.

You will only get the 'I drink a Baileys at Christmas' folk replying.

Do you eat too much chocolate for example? Everyone has a vice IMO.

2 pints is no big deal in the scheme of things.
You sound over dramatic with this head burying thing.
He's hardly at the pub all day. You say he is healthy otherwise. He doesn't smoke?
Are you trying to pick a fight? To say your DH has a drinking problem, is that REALLY fair, in you opinion?

Alcohol limits are made up. People drink FAR more.

[Lilybensmum1]

Hi OP I can sympathise as this sounds very much like me, I have been 7 days without alcohol as it came to a head and I have finally admitted I have a problem and that's the key, I have known for a long time I have a problem but never admitted it. My life revolved around when I could fit my wine in and I felt lost if I could not have it.

From the outside I seem healthy and happy, my DH said to me exactly a week ago I don't like you when you are drinking and I worry you might die, I was gutted it's what I needed I can't say it's been easy and the road ahead is unknown, your DH needs to admit he has a problem that the hard bit, he is drinking too much but how do you broach this, you need to tell him you are worried for his health and see what happens, otherwise you could be in this cycle for many years, we were.

Good luck.

[Applebite]

Mum - hmmm, but he hasn't actually done it. We've just come in from a long pub lunch and had to stop at Waitrose on the way home for 4 more cans... I don't get it!

[danTDM]

'stumbled off to the shop to get his fix now'

You mean a four pack of beer on a bank holiday weekend

[Mumof3MasterofNone]

The stumble is referring to the gout limp! My 'fix' comment comes from being so frustrated.
Frustrated because I don't know if I am over reacting. One minute I read this and I feel one way and then I read comments that tell me I am overreacting and I swing the other.