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AIBU what's worse is this comparable?

(27 Posts)
battgirlatheart Sun 30-Apr-17 14:49:54

Straw poll dear friends.
Is sending five messages to a man when single comparable to seven months of messaging flirting and trying to meet up with an ex (16 years younger) when in a relationship? Is it the exact same? As well as lying and meeting up at least twice with a female friend the same one you messaged constantly all through dates and cost nights in etc
Just wondering cos some narcissistic is trying to convince me I'm terrible
I thank you

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 30-Apr-17 14:51:06

Tell the narcissist to fuck off. .

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Apr-17 14:52:09

Well it doesn't sound comparable but I'm sure there's more to this?

Fauchelevent Sun 30-Apr-17 14:52:35

There is nothing wrong with sending five, or a hundred (if the recipient is okay with it!) messages to a man when single.

Narcs will be narcs

Nottalotta Sun 30-Apr-17 14:52:58

Not even a little bit the same.

Lochan Sun 30-Apr-17 14:53:24

No. If you are single you can text who you like.

If you are in a relationship flirting and arranging dates with someone else is generally not allowed.

But you know this.

If he's cheated on you why are you asking us, just dump him.

Don't waste your time arguing. He's not worth the effort.

WorraLiberty Sun 30-Apr-17 14:55:29

There is nothing wrong with sending five, or a hundred (if the recipient is okay with it!) messages to a man when single.

Depends on whether the man is single too though, surely?

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 30-Apr-17 14:58:36

Unless you're 16, I wouldn't even indulge in the conversation, it's just tit for tat nonsense. He did this and said I did this, it sounds like you both need to move on.

battgirlatheart Sun 30-Apr-17 14:59:45

No more to this
We are single and split up now
I've moved on
I told him and showed him five chatty messages sent to someone on tinder as he claimed I haven't tried to move on
But being a narc he can't handle that as he has no control so now saying it's as bad as when I caught him out doing the above when we were very much in a relationship
It really is that simple

Lelloteddy Sun 30-Apr-17 15:01:19

Why are you still communicating with him?
Block and move on.

battgirlatheart Sun 30-Apr-17 15:01:22

Worral to the best of my knowledge the man I messaged was also single

SmileEachDay Sun 30-Apr-17 15:03:44

Why is it his business whether you have moved on?
Why are you showing him messages to "prove" anything?

DJBaggySmalls Sun 30-Apr-17 15:05:11

He's still controlling you, you dont have to prove anything to him or show him anything!
Have you heard of Womens Aid Freedom Program?

Lochan Sun 30-Apr-17 15:06:08

It's not his business.
You don't need to prove anything.

If you can't go no contact entirely (because you have DC together) then limit your conversations to just the children.

Your life is not his concern.

Huskylover1 Sun 30-Apr-17 15:08:55

He's clearly on glue. No way are those 2 situations remotely comparable. It's akin to saying that a moped and a BMW are just the same. Or that the elephant man and George Clooney look the same. Stop communicating with him.

harderandharder2breathe Sun 30-Apr-17 15:14:15

Stop communicating with him.

If you have to because of DC then only communicate about DC.

He's a twat but you know this do stop feeding it

Oldraver Sun 30-Apr-17 15:17:08

You need to ask yourself why you felt the need to 'prove' anything to an ex. That's not healthy at all...

VestalVirgin Sun 30-Apr-17 15:20:18

Stop communicating with him. He doesn't need to know what you do.

Let him believe that you haven't moved on, if he wants to believe it. Don't try to prove anything to him.

Indeed, when you talk to him, make your life appear as boring and unhappy as possible. If he thinks you're happy, he'll only want to shit on your happiness.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite Sun 30-Apr-17 15:21:19

UHm... I think that it may be better to stop havin any kind of contact with this person (if possible). Seems like your behaviour is empowering him...

Serialweightwatcher Sun 30-Apr-17 15:24:07

If you're now apart, why even bother to argue about it - it's your business and if you're not together (unless you are wanting to be) let him sod off and have his own life ... you're well rid if that's what he was doing and you need to be happy without him

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 30-Apr-17 15:24:41

If you must have contact with this twat, the next time he throws something similarly nonsensical at you your only response should be "OK then" and change the subject. Although why you feel compelled to prove anything when dealing with a narc is a mystery. (A clue: you can't)

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 30-Apr-17 15:25:51

Why does he think you haven't moved on?

Why are you talking to him?

Why do you care what he thinks?

...please tell me you don't still love this wankbadger!?

Lynnm63 Sun 30-Apr-17 15:28:02

Why are you even in contact with him. Whether you've moved on or not is none of his business, you don't need to justify it to him at all. I'd tell him to jog on in no uncertain terms.
Even if you have dc together contact should only relate to them anything else the response should be "This has nothing to do with you mate."

KRG13 Sun 30-Apr-17 15:29:14

Why do you even care?

FinallyHere Sun 30-Apr-17 15:31:47

Just adding to the chorus saying 'stop communicating with him'. Congratulations on getting out, please now consolidate your position by cutting off contact. All the best.

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