to not bother reaching out anymore(4 Posts)
There's a bit of a back story, so I'll try and include as much as possible so as not to drip feed.
When my dad passed away in 2009 his sister decided to go away instead of come to his funeral. She has a holiday home and would not change her flights to be able to come. My dad's other sisters bitched about this and it turned into a huge family argument between them. Something that I didn't get involved in, yet I seem to have been cast as the scapegoat.
I tried to reach out when it came to scattering my dad's ashes as we were in the middle of wedding planning. I asked my uncle (dad's brother) to pass on my phone number for her to text me. And she out and out lied to him and told him that she had tried to phone me, but I hadn't answered (no missed calls and my uncle checked that she had the right number).
A year after our wedding my nan passed away from cancer. This aunty and her daughters caused arguments with my dad's other sisters over my nan's deathbed. And again when I tried to communicate with her at the funeral she just avoided me like the plague.
So, last night was my cousin's wedding and she was there. When we walked in, my grandad jumped up and came straight across to give me a hug and make a fuss of dd. I tried getting her attention, but nothing. Tried smiling, no response..She sat with her family at the table my grandad was on and it was as if they were blanking me. So I left it. I didn't want to cause a fuss at someone else's wedding. I went to a different table to sort dd's bottle out and my grandad came over for a chat and we eventually went into the other room with my dad's other sisters and one of his brothers.
Now bearing in mind at this wedding I saw my dad's other brother who there had been big fallings out with between my mum and brothers and we lost contact and he was perfectly pleasant with me. Congratulated us on dd. Said he was sorry to hear about my mum passing away. And at the end of the night, I said to him that life is too short to live with grudges and it had been lovely to see him and his family.
I'm not going to force anyone to be a part of dd's life. Either they want to or they don't. She won't lose out on any love or attention as everyone else has more than enough for her.
It just makes me sad as I just don't want to build myself up anymore to try and reach out to this woman. We used to be so close. She took me on holiday with them. Got me a summer job when I was in university. And now it's as if she doesn't want to know and I don't have a clue what I'm meant to have done.
I would write her a letter. Put your side and tell her you appreciated what she has done for you in the past and hope you can be friends again going forward.
See what happens.
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