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"Baby showers are so tacky and American"

(21 Posts)
SuperPissed Sun 30-Apr-17 11:44:36

I know this is the generally consensus on baby showers on here but AIBU to think that it's just straight up rude to voice this opinion whilst attending a baby shower where both the hostess and the person the shower is being thrown for are American?

Background info for context:

Me and DSis were both born in USA but have lived in UK for past 15+ years. DSis held baby shower for me yesterday. FWIW, I am completely indifferent to baby showers, would never throw one for myself but have no objection to attending one and DSis is the type to find any excuse to throw a party.

Shower itself was lovely, DSis set up a gazebo in DMs back garden, decorated with balloons and bunting and made a lot of the food herself. About 15 people in total were invited: a few of my close friends and their DCs, DM, DSM, DSSis, MIL and SIL.

Anyway at some point during the day, SIL and DSis were talking to each other and SIL apparently came out with "these things are so tacky and American, I don't get why people throw them when the baby isn't even here", to which DSis was not particularly happy about and told SIL that if that's how she felt she shouldn't have bothered coming. I was not aware of any of this until after the shower had finished and was helping DSis and DM clear up.

This morning DH has received a text from SIL saying that she had an awful time at the shower because she felt bullied by DSis and that she wants me to have a word with DSis and get her to apologise. I honestly don't want to get involved but while I agree DSis probably acted a bit immaturely, SIL was in fact being rude for making the comment in the first place. DH doesn't agree and is adamant I get on the phone with DSis and "sort her out" hmm

honeysucklejasmine Sun 30-Apr-17 11:46:21

It is very rude. I would not be asking my sister to apologise, SIL can get lost.

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 30-Apr-17 11:47:27

They're grown ups, you're about to have a baby, tell her to sort it out herself

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 30-Apr-17 11:49:33

I dont think your DSis was remotely out of order, your SIL was extremely rude saying that to the person hosting (whose food and drink she was presumably happy to consume). If she felt that strongly about it she should have politely declined.

MrsJayy Sun 30-Apr-17 11:49:41

Your poor sister her day ruined by a stuck up moo your sister in law didn't have to go and she certainly didn't have to open her snooty mouth your sister has nothing to apologise for your inlaw though.

MrsJayy Sun 30-Apr-17 11:51:11

Sorry it was your shower i didn't read properly still your sil was out of order

PortiaFinis Sun 30-Apr-17 11:51:40

Maybe your DH should reply saying something along the lines of:

'it's funny you feel that way as Super's sister feels equally upset by what you said about baby showers. Let's put it behind us and move on.'

SaucyJack Sun 30-Apr-17 11:52:24

Incredibly rude to say it out loud- and xenophobic to boot.

As the great philosopher Ronan Keating once sang "You say it best... when you say nothing at all."

WonkoTheSane42 Sun 30-Apr-17 11:53:26

So someone goes to a party and tells the host that parties like this are shit, host tells her she shouldn't have come if that's how she felt, and somehow the host is the rude one? Nah. Tell the lot of them to jog on.

BathTangle Sun 30-Apr-17 11:54:51

I'm not a fan of baby showers either, but still think your SIL was extremely rude...however I don't see that it is going to be a good idea for you to wade in and get involved. If you had actually heard SIL make the comment at the party, you might I suppose have intervened at that point, but essentially you are being asked to mediate in a she said/she said argument. Stay well out if it!

BathTangle Sun 30-Apr-17 11:57:11

Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy flowers

AfunaMbatata Sun 30-Apr-17 11:58:08

Can't they just ignore each other? it's a bit childish to be getting people involved in such a tiny thing.

EatTheChocolateTeapot Sun 30-Apr-17 11:58:11

Absolutely get involved and back up your DSis. SIL was not only very rude and desrved to be told where to go, but she is being even more U by asking your H to tell off your sister.
And what is your H on about? Does he feel his family is superior to yours? I wouldn't be happy about it.

kimann Sun 30-Apr-17 12:05:53

I would tell SiL to get lost. She was incredibly rude and disrespectful to your sister - who from the sounds of it prepared most of it and it was a lovely day. I assume sil ate/drank etc? Absolutely out of order for her to say what she did - I would have asked her to leave there and then. And no idea why your DH thinks you should sort it out - nothing to sort out except sil texting dsis to apologise about being rude and disrespectful!

Ceto Sun 30-Apr-17 12:23:26

So what is your husband's reaction to what his sister said? Does he not accept that your sister's response was justified as a result of that?

Iamastonished Sun 30-Apr-17 12:28:00

"'it's funny you feel that way as Super's sister feels equally upset by what you said about baby showers. Let's put it behind us and move on.'"

I think that this ^^ is the perfect answer

PrettyGoodLife Sun 30-Apr-17 12:29:15

Poor you, this is the last thing you need. Not your problem! DH should not demand you sort it, it was a disagreement between two adults and not two toddlers. Your SIL was rude and maybe your Dsis overreacted, but it is for them to sort out between the two of them. Your SIL to compound her rudeness by causing conflict between your DH and you is very shoddy, childish and totally unnecessary

user1485342611 Sun 30-Apr-17 17:13:50

She's the one who should be apologising. And her husband should not be getting involved. They both sound ridiculously precious.

Gallavich Sun 30-Apr-17 17:21:16

SIL was incredibly rude and tactless. BUT it's not as easy as saying she shouldn't have come if she felt that way. Just not going to a SIL's baby shower would be seen as very churlish and twatty and in fact maybe most of your guests wouldn't have turned up if they had the choice?
It's a fact that baby showers are an American custom and clash with British traditions such as not buying gifts until the baby is born. I would never choose to go to one unless it was a super close friend and all the other attendees were also good friends of mine. Otherwise it would be a duty appearance only. I know that many British women feel that way.

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 30-Apr-17 17:24:47

I'd tell SIL and DH to sod off!

ChasedByBees Sun 30-Apr-17 17:29:23

Another vote for the reply by PortiaFinis

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