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To think babies/toddlers deserve the right to privacy?

(45 Posts)
WorryLessCherishEveryDay Sun 30-Apr-17 07:54:03

I am pregnant with my first child but have worked as a nanny for years. I am always surprised when I see people changing their babies/toddlers nappies/clothes in public. For example I attend a playgroup twice a week and often a toddler will have wet themselves or a baby needs changing and the parents (different ones) think nothing of changing them in front of everyone.

You wouldn't get changed yourself in front of a group of people so why is it ok for a baby/toddler to be seen?

I have never, in my 15 years of nannying, had to change a nappy/wet toddler in front of anyone.

OuchBollocks Sun 30-Apr-17 07:56:40

Babies and toddlers don't care about privacy, and nor should they. It's not like the nappy change is being filmed to play at their wedding in 30 years.

If people are being gross and unhygienic that's a different story.

PurpleDaisies Sun 30-Apr-17 08:00:02

I don't agree with you. If you'd have been talking about putting naked pictures on Facebook I'd think you had a point but babies and toddlers aren't bothered who sees them getting changed.

I get changed in front of a group of people at the gym.

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 30-Apr-17 08:01:55

I don't think babies and toddlers really care where they're changed - they just want it to be over with so they can carry on sleeping/playing/eating/exploring!

OhDearToby Sun 30-Apr-17 08:03:22

Erm...its okay because they're a baby.

They don't have the slightest clue about privacy! Or anything really.

giantpurplepeopleeater Sun 30-Apr-17 08:03:35

YABU and ridiculous.

Sometimes its absolutely necessary given tiny cubicles, lack of changing facilities, dirty toilets etc to have to do some of this stuff i.e. changing the whole outfit of a toddler, in a less private place.

Sometimes its just more practical..

Most toddlers and babies have no sense of privacy whatsoever - in fact it becomes VERY obvious when they do develop this as kids will make it very obvious.

Not sure why you let what other people do bother you so much either. Concentrate on you and your child.and do it the way you wish, and leave others to do the same!!!

Sirzy Sun 30-Apr-17 08:06:37

So if your in the middle of the park and the child falls over and gets covered in mud or wets themselves do you change them in a quiet corner of the park or make them stay uncomfy until you get home and can change them in "private"

Fragglez Sun 30-Apr-17 08:11:13

I don't agree I'm afraid.

I would go to any available length to not chang a nappy in front of others - but that is because no one wants to see a dirty nappy, and it's unhygenic to do it without proper handwashing facilities or on a designated surface etc.

But i go to baby massage class, all the babies are naked. Should we all have little cubicles so no one can see each other's babies?

Modesty / privacy are societal constructs, which are taught not natural instincts. Babies have not learnt them.

Changing a toddler in public who wants privacy is a completely different thing.

SallyGinnamon Sun 30-Apr-17 08:12:46

When we went round DS's nursery for the first time they made the point that the changing area wasn't too private to make abuse harder.

Hadn't occurred to me before that.

apotheke Sun 30-Apr-17 08:14:10

YAB completely ridiculous. I would use a baby change where available but think nothing of a quick change in front of other parents and children or even on the grass in the park on a warm day. I do however cringe at parent friends who put naked pics on fb. DH and I have a rule never to do that (even when we get a super cute bath pic we keep it to ourselves). To me these are completely different scenarios though.

My 6 year old has swimming in a local school and the changing rooms are communal. Not one kid, aged 3-8ish bats an eyelid about getting dried and dressed. Nor should they. It's normal.

If you are for real, please listen to everyone replying here and think carefully about why you have this attitude (guessing how you were brought up) and realise it isn't normal or healthy and try to think right now what you can do to prevent transferring this hang up to your own child.

Trifleorbust Sun 30-Apr-17 08:14:49

Before they have a sense of their individuality they have no sense of needing privacy, so they don't need it. YABU.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 30-Apr-17 08:15:39

All dc are different. As a parent you become very attuned to your child's needs. One of mine would happily wallow in a dirty nappy until somewhere suitable could be found, and even then would wallow some more. Another one would scream the moment the nappy was dirty and not stop until it was changed. She had no concept of privacy but she knew she hated the feeling and wanted me to do something NOW. She jumped at potty training as soon as she could! Keep an open mind and see what suits your dc.

LedaP Sun 30-Apr-17 08:20:51

Surely as a nanny, you understand that modesty is something that kids kearn as they get older.

Both my kids whipped their clothes off as toddlers as soon as we got home. They didnt care who was here. They didnt feel self concious or consider modesty. That comes later.

BikeRunSki Sun 30-Apr-17 08:21:54

I'd like my children to respect my right to wee in private.

neonrainbow Sun 30-Apr-17 08:22:22

I agree with you op. If there are changing facilities available they should be used. If not then its unavoidable but should be done discretely.

Dunkling Sun 30-Apr-17 08:24:30

YABU. Toddlers/babies have no concept of privacy.

user1491572121 Sun 30-Apr-17 08:24:56

I agree OP and what's more, I don't want to see/smell some kid's bottom and what it's made.

My friend did this for WAY too long. She'd get her FOUR year old DS to lie down in front of everyone and change him. shock I wasn't brave enough to say anything though.

honeycheeerios Sun 30-Apr-17 08:28:44

When you have a child of your own you might change your mind. Being a nanny is a job, maybe you fed a level of professionalism that a parent doesn't. You do sound a little judgemental.

Try being flustered in the middle of a public space that has either no or awful changing facilities.

Sometimes parents have more than one kid that they can't fit into a cubicle.

Sometimes children wet themselves as they couldn't hang on till they got to a toilet. Sometimes that toilet might be quite a distance away and very unpleasant to walk to in wet or soiled clothes.

Sometimes it's just more convenient to change where you are rather than traipse to a tiny room with an uncomfortable table and a screaming baby. There is nothing wrong with making life easier and more convenient.

As long as it's not done where people are eating close by or somewhere ridiculous like a restaurant table, or
I wouldn't do it where there is cctv but generally anywhere else, I don't see the issue.

Zebrasinpyjamas Sun 30-Apr-17 08:29:08

I don't really change my baby anywhere visible that has a negative impact on others eg. In the open of a restaurant. I would a quick one do in the corner of a room if my other child is playing. No one is particularly looking at my baby and it's better than interrupting a toddler to go off to find a change station. Similarly if my toddler gets wet in a puddle, I'd strip his trousers off in the park and put dry ones on immediately so he doesn't have to walk home in uncomfortable clothing. He's not bothered that someone might see him. He is very bothered at being uncomfortable or having to stop playing earlier than needed.
I do agree with op that some parents get lose perspective of where it is inappropriate to change your child though, eg stories on mn about using cafe table tops etc

DoorwayToNorway Sun 30-Apr-17 08:29:58

Adults don't get changed in front of others because adult nudity is equated with sex and being judged by others about how sexy or desirable we are.
That's not something we should be doing with babies and toddlers and not something they have the slightest concept of.

Nappies should be changed in a toilet or with all the correct equipment for washing hands. Not in a room full of people. That's not because of nudity, it's because of hygiene.

outabout Sun 30-Apr-17 08:31:33

What happened to 'common sense'?
The child needs changing so the process should be done as quickly and with as little fuss as possible given the location. If in a 'public' place you position yourself so that the general view is impeded without making it obvious to the child. This should then infer a sense of 'caution' to the child over time, not a 'DON'T' but a more considered approach to who may be watching and with the prevalence of cameras possibly photographing, intended or otherwise.

MoreThanUs Sun 30-Apr-17 08:33:02

I sometimes change my DS' nappy in the corner of a room because it's cleaner and more hygienic than going into the dirty loos and changing there.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 30-Apr-17 08:34:56

What other batshit ideas do you have OP?

Crumbs1 Sun 30-Apr-17 08:39:10

Ridiculous - nothing healthier than seeing little ones jumping naked in the waves, completely confident in their bodies and free of imposed hang ups from over sensitivite parenting. Plenty of adults go skinny dipping - the need for privacy is about how you feel not about a set of imposed rules. It's like the bathroom door debate. If people are happy for others to wander into bathroom, it's fine. If it makes someone uncomfortable then that should be respected.

SecretNetter Sun 30-Apr-17 08:40:13

Changing a nappy in the middle of a room full is gross and usually unnecessary...that's my issue, not because a x week/month old baby needs privacy.

IME enforcing privacy is usually unnecessary and will develop naturally in dc. 3 years ago, ds1 (9) would happily strip naked on the beach or in swimming showers to dress without a care in the world. He's now very careful with his towel and would be mortified for someone to see anything.

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