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Friend's ex offering to take her children on holiday

(60 Posts)
WorryLessCherishEveryDay Sat 29-Apr-17 17:43:29

My friend has 3 kids with her ex husband. They were together 15 years, he is a brilliant dad, has the kids every other weekend from picking up at school friday to dropping at school monday and the weekend they aren't together he has them for tea twice a week, so definitely a hands on dad. He also takes them on holiday twice a year (uk at easter and abroad in summer)

Friend has 8 year old twins with someone else. The dad of the twins died 5 years ago and friend has brought them up alone.

They are at an age now where they are fully aware of the holidays that their half siblings are going on.

Friend and her ex get on well. She is pregnant again (dad is around). She is due in September and ex has offered to take the twins abroad (Spain) with his 3 children, his wife and their daughter. They'll be going for 2 weeks in August.

Friend has thought it over and has said yes, why not. It will give her a break for 2 weeks when she's heavily pregnant. She hasn't got pay a penny for them.

The grandparents of the twins from their dads side is saying absolutely no way and are threatening to call the police and report him as abducting them if he takes them.

Would you be happy for your children to go abroad for 2 weeks with the father of your other children?

MariafromMalmo Sat 29-Apr-17 17:46:04

In those circumstances... yes I would be.

Initial response would be no though.

Cel982 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:46:26

Would you be happy for your children to go abroad for 2 weeks with the father of your other children?

I don't see why not, in the situation you've described. The grandfather has no legal standing in this anyway - presumably the mother is the only person with parental rights over the twins?

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 29-Apr-17 17:46:26

He sounds absolutely lovely and they're clearly a good team in bringing up all of the children. Lovely to hear.

It's fuck all to do with the grandparents?! Can your friend give her ex a letter giving her permission for them to travel with him?

Unless there's a hell of an unknown backstory I can't imagine where their concerns come from.

ButtMuncher Sat 29-Apr-17 17:46:39

I would - I think that's a lovely gesture; if there was bitterness between them then obviously not, but it takes a very decent man to do something like this - his children get to have their siblings and he's also helping your friend out. I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 29-Apr-17 17:47:25

Police will laugh.
Fuck all to do with gps. .
Happy holidays!!

Mrsmadevans Sat 29-Apr-17 17:47:36

Yes I would if he was as great a dad as you have said. I also think the older half siblings would keep an eye out on the twins as well.

Whathaveilost Sat 29-Apr-17 17:48:38

In this case yes, I probably would. She has a good relationship with ex. You haven't indicated that there are any red flags and some people just happen to be nice.

If she is comfortable and the twins know the ex and are happy, why not?

isseywithcats Sat 29-Apr-17 17:48:52

being as the twins father is dead of course i would, poor kids would feel so bad seeing thier siblings go on holiday with thier dad especially abroad, and because mom is pregnant so obviously cant take them on holiday, and as you say the dad is a good dad and will have his wife to help look after 4 kids, i dont think the grandparents will have a leg to stand on , ive taken my kids stepbrothers on holiday with us in the past as they were company for each other been similar ages

honeysucklejasmine Sat 29-Apr-17 17:49:53

What's it got to do with them? Do they have PR?

harderandharder2breathe Sat 29-Apr-17 17:50:37

The twins are happy, the adults taking them are happy, their mother is happy. Grandparents can jog on.

It's a weird sounding thing to do. But given the circumstances it's actually really lovely and fantastic that the mum and her ex have such a good relationship that they can make this work.

Emphasise Sat 29-Apr-17 17:54:13

Yes, surely more importantly they'll be going away with their half siblings? It's not that unusual for children to go away with friends and their parents. The twins' mum knows this man far better than she would know any friends' parent.

I dont think the police would be interested either.

oldwife Sat 29-Apr-17 17:55:20

As far as I can see its nothing to do with the grandparents. Unless they have some kind of guardianship order.

It's a lovely thing to do to enable all the DC to holiday together.

There was a similar thread recently?

booitsme Sat 29-Apr-17 17:55:28

The dad and wife sound like good people. It's your friends judgement that counts.

Legally as your friend has parental responsibility and is the only person with it she will need to write a letter giving consent to let ex take the children - or he could get stopped at the airport. Grandfather can call the police who will say it isn't a criminal matter. He can contact social services who may call your friend to ask what's happening, but they may not even do that. Grandfather doesn't have automatic leave to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order to try and stop the trip. He would first need to apply for leave of court. What I'm trying to say is it's an empty threat and unless the ex is a risk to the children then your friend can decide who she trusts to care for her children.

Friend should try and talk to grandfather saying it's very important since their father is gone that children maintain a relationship with his family but she has parental responsibility and he needs to trust her judgement.

Emphasise Sat 29-Apr-17 17:55:49

Have to say ex's new wife needs a medal mind. Holiday with 6 kids and only one of them hers?

Trb17 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:56:22

Under these circumstances I think it's bloody lovely.

From a travel point of view, he might need to have a letter with him at the airport from the twins mum giving permission for him to take them as depending on the airline/destination this may be asked for. Most likely not but just in case. Worth checking with airline ahead of time.

What a nice ex your friend has. Twins GOP's hand no legal say in this so she should ignore them.

ClodTheGoat Sat 29-Apr-17 17:56:43

Yes I would be happy. That's really kind of him.

Trb17 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:56:47

* GP's have

AmysTiara Sat 29-Apr-17 18:00:08

If the mum is happy then fine. The grandfather can butt out.

lookatyourwatchnow Sat 29-Apr-17 18:18:01

Grandad can do fuck all to stop it, which is good news for the kids. As long as there are no safeguarding issues. Police won't care, social services won't care, family court won't care.

NataliaOsipova Sat 29-Apr-17 18:20:46

The grandparents of the twins from their dads side is saying absolutely no way and are threatening to call the police and report him as abducting them if he takes them.

Let them. Has nothing at all to do with them.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 29-Apr-17 18:21:18

Why is the GF unhappy about it?

LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes Sat 29-Apr-17 18:22:00

In the circumstances you describe, yes absolutely.

The grandparents don't have a leg to stand on. What is their reasoning?

CrazyOldBagLady Sat 29-Apr-17 18:25:15

What a kind thing for the ex and his partner to offer! Refreshing to hear on mumsnet.

The grandparents need to be reminded that there could be repercussions to wasting police time.

Andrewofgg Sat 29-Apr-17 18:28:33

Dear lord, if only all ex relationships were like this . . .

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