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to be irritated by DH turning mute around the DC?

(54 Posts)
hollyvsivy Sat 29-Apr-17 16:21:03

DH works long hours and is away more often than not. That means I'm on my own with three DC (one with SN and one only 19 months old), two dogs, numerous other animals, a job and a pregnancy that's leaving me extremely sick and tired pretty much all the time. He finishes work at 5 and then gets to eat out and socialise so I think he should be well rested when he comes home and step up.

However, I still feel like I can't take a step back even when he's here. If the DC are doing something they shouldn't or are upset he'll look at me and stand there silently. Today our five year old was really upset and he sat there in silence the entire time, then asked if I wanted a cup of tea hmm I couldn't help myself and remarked "oh, so you do still have a voice then?"

We went swimming and I took 5 yo to the toilet, when we go back to the pool 19 month old is running around the edge and DH is following but not saying anything. Again, I have to step in to tell her to stop. She picked up someone else's goggles and I explain they're someone else's and to put them back and she does. DH hears this. 5 yo asks to show me something so DH takes 19 month old and when I turn back she had the goggles in her mouth. DH is just watching.

At the park afterwards I'm tying the dogs up and 19 month old goes running off towards the roundabout. It's spinning so I call out for DH to tell her to stop because she's too fat away to hear me. He doesn't, he starts chasing her instead but doesn't make it in time so she now has a huge bump where it knocked her onto the floor.

Yesterday he watched her get chewing gum out of his pocket and said nothing as she toddled off with it. It's always left to me to say something. AIBU to be irritated by this?

missmillimentscardigan Sat 29-Apr-17 16:26:48

That does sound strange. I'd find it really annoying. Has he always been like that? Maybe he feels like the children are your domain because you're looking after them most of the time. Is he generally quite a reserved person?

AyeAmarok Sat 29-Apr-17 16:28:55

YANBU. You are effectively the only one parenting. You must be exhausted, mentally as much as physically.

scottishdiem Sat 29-Apr-17 16:32:41

Its not unreasonable to irritated by this but its clear he needs to learn how to actually parent.

What is his job and what is he like with other people?

I would suggest some kind of parenting classes. He needs to learn to interact with the children in effective ways.

Cafecat Sat 29-Apr-17 16:36:58

This is very odd OP. Do you think he just has no confidence in parenting? Does he speak out in other situations? Is he scared of you telling him he's said the wrong thing? Sorry lots of questions blush but also, what does he have to say about it?

JamesDelaneysHat Sat 29-Apr-17 16:40:30

The way you describe his behaviour makes him sound really odd to be honest.

Does he think because he doesn't see much of them he can't tell them off? Can he play with them?

NapQueen Sat 29-Apr-17 16:42:48

Id be asking him if he is this incompetent at his job.

mygorgeousmilo Sat 29-Apr-17 16:45:24

Isn't this the husband that ditched his other kids completely and has nothing to do with them, or is that a different OP?

missyB1 Sat 29-Apr-17 16:45:28

wow that just sounds weird! You need a serious conversation with him about why his communication skills with his kids are so poor.

Orangetoffee Sat 29-Apr-17 16:49:31

He just isn't interested in his children or in being part of a family by the sound of it.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 29-Apr-17 16:53:01

Same poster @mygorgeousmilo

He wasn't interested in his other kids, why would yours be any different?

Chillyegg Sat 29-Apr-17 16:56:59

Wow. ..surely it would be easier as a single parent

Chillyegg Sat 29-Apr-17 16:57:04

Wow. ..surely it would be easier as a single parent

Orangetoffee Sat 29-Apr-17 16:57:40

Just read that other thread about him not seeing his older children, you are fighting a lost battle OP.

NotInMyBackYard1 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:01:04

hahaha sounds like my DH - I often have to say to him like a toddler ' use your words to explain' grin

CPtart Sat 29-Apr-17 17:01:07

....and you've chosen to add another child into the mix??!

Nanny0gg Sat 29-Apr-17 17:03:41

He doesn't parent his other children. He goes out after work rather than coming home and you already have 3 children plus animals and you do everything.

You're pregnant with a fourth.

Why would you think he's suddenly going to turn into Father of the Year?

LizzieMacQueen Sat 29-Apr-17 17:06:46

He sounds depressed.

Goingtobeawesome Sat 29-Apr-17 17:09:07

While parenting is hard surely he knows that he needs to speak to his child when they are doing something wrong or dangerous? This is very odd and not about him needn't parenting classes but how to be a decent human being lessons.

Laiste Sat 29-Apr-17 17:09:17

My SILs ex was like this. He'd watch while their DS cried after hurting himself as if he was detached from the situation. It's one of the main reasons why he's an ex.

If eldest is 5, has he been like this the whole time OP?

Fairenuff Sat 29-Apr-17 17:10:18

When I hear about people struggling with pets and children I just think... why? Why did you have them. If you can't cope with what you already have, why get more?

53rdWay Sat 29-Apr-17 17:11:40

Are you the poster whose husband is so bizarrely passive around the kids that he couldn't lift a 4-year-old out of a freezing bath, or put a toddler back to bed when his wife was in active labour?

Laiste Sat 29-Apr-17 17:11:49

I should add SILs ex was diagnosed with chronic depression and didn't work. (he also worked up huge debts on her credit card) The emotional detachment was partly down to depression, but the end result was the same though - she got sick of it, as you are OP, and she left.

Nanna50 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:14:49

He has already detached himself from his other children and has effectively detached himself from yours. Why are you expecting anything different?

pipsqueak25 Sat 29-Apr-17 17:16:18

tin hat at the ready - sorry, but this makes me wonder why on earth you are having yet another child with this person, words fail me...

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