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Massively worried about 6 year old son

(26 Posts)
WorriedandWorried Fri 28-Apr-17 18:24:26

My son is in year 2 and since reception has had one very close friend who he has played with throughout
They are both quite loud and boisterous and at times the teachers have tried to get them to explore other friendships but it's never worked so there have been a few playground incidents on both sides where the boisterousness has got out of hand
Unfortunately it doesn't matter how many play dates I host with other children, as whilst they get on well whilst at my home / theirs once they are back in a school environment they go back to the other friends, sometimes being a little mean to my son as he isn't part of the group
They are quite an academic class and my son, whilst bright is one of the younger children in the year so quite immature in comparison.
Anyhow; his best friend left over the Easter holidays and he has paired himself up with the new boy who started who seems to be quite naughty; saying rude words, not listening in class and so on, so much so the teacher has called me in to discuss it.
I don't know what to do, he just doesn't seem to fit in anywhere and the teacher is concerned this friendship will prove detrimental.
The mum of the boy seems lovely and I've tried to make conversation as initially was over the moon he had found a new friend but her English is limited and she wasn't interested in having any play dates outside school and said school is just to educate not to make friends so that fell flat
What can I do?
Feeling really sad for my little boy

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 28-Apr-17 18:31:58

Can he join some outside school clubs such as beavers, football, swimming etc and make some friends that way maybe?

WorriedandWorried Fri 28-Apr-17 18:37:23

Yes he does do beavers and football and has friends there but they don't attend the same school

WorriedandWorried Fri 28-Apr-17 18:37:44

He has many friends outside school, it is in school that's the issue

MatildaTheCat Fri 28-Apr-17 18:48:03

Teacher needs to be made aware of all of this and split them up. Unfortunately some children, such as one of mine, are drawn to the naughtiest children and it's really hard to manage.

WorriedandWorried Fri 28-Apr-17 18:52:20

Yes she's been trying and can do so in class but at lunchtime she can't.
The others won't include my son either so she can't make any more friendships for him.

WorriedandWorried Sat 29-Apr-17 07:36:37

Seriously considering moving schools but just terrified it will be worse than it currently is as they'll already have all their friends

Devilishpyjamas Sat 29-Apr-17 07:40:33

Is his school small? How many in his class/year group.

KarmaNoMore Sat 29-Apr-17 07:43:30

If he is able to make and keep friendships everywhere but school, given him a fresh start may be just the right thing.

I was agonising about this for years, my only regret now is not moving DS sooner. All the misery that could have been avoided.

Ceto Sat 29-Apr-17 08:14:28

Can you move him to one of the schools attended by his friends from beavers and football?

WorriedandWorried Sat 29-Apr-17 08:20:21

It would be hard as he has a sister in year 4 who is very happy and wouldn't move if you paid her
So I'm not sure how I would juggle it and what upsets me is that they will all attend the same high school that's the main reason I picked this school, if I go to another primary they will all go onto a different secondary that my son probably won't get into because of where we live
The friends from beavers and football are scattered over different schools so it would very much depend on what schools, if any; have spaces
It's a standard school of 30 children in a class - but only one class per year

ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 29-Apr-17 08:22:27

Does your school have young leaders or something similar whete the older children run organised games for the younger ones during break time. My son is a young leader and the teachers often ask them to encourage so and so to join in with the organised games to keep them busy during break times so they have less opportunity to be influenced by certain others.

Starlight2345 Sat 29-Apr-17 08:29:47

I think there is an element in here of your own DS's behaviour. My DS is a sheep and the one thing I have to teach him is about his own behaviour, his own responsibility . His own behaviour. I talk about if it feels wrong that is because it usually is.

WorriedandWorried Sat 29-Apr-17 08:35:56

I haven't heard of anything like young leaders but I will ask at parents evening
I'm aware some of this is down to my own DS, he is loud and boisterous by nature - always has been.
But equally is polite, bright and hardworking.
It's just unfortunate that the majority of boys in his class aren't like him therefore limited to the children who don't tend to behave as the others are like little adults and my son certainly isn't!

BrexitSucks Sat 29-Apr-17 08:49:44

"the teacher is concerned this friendship will prove detrimental."

So the teacher wants to socially isolate the naughty new boy? She doesn't think your lad can be positive influence on Naughty boy, or they could establish own happy gang. Wow. What a horrible cow. I'd complain about the teacher for that, for sure.

Nanny0gg Sat 29-Apr-17 08:55:42

"the teacher is concerned this friendship will prove detrimental.

Or it could well prove detrimental to both children.

Presumably the new child could benefit from more mature, positive role models rather than the 'livelier', more immature one who also needs help and guidance?

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 29-Apr-17 09:03:01

OP, could you suggest the idea of 'Young Leaders', to the teacher.
This could help so many children, including your Son.

Teatimebear Sat 29-Apr-17 09:10:04

Teacher needs to be made aware of all of this and split them up.

By doing what? Banning them from interacting while at school? I love the idea that this is a possibility!

Angelik Sat 29-Apr-17 09:15:37

Possible to put in different classes from next year? Although they might still be together at playtime, they will be forced to forge better relationships due to nature of classroom work. This is what i am doing with my year 2 ds.

MrsTwix Sat 29-Apr-17 09:48:56

I must admit I'm wondering what your ds is doing or not doing that makes the other children not want to be friends with him. He may need some social skills help.

WorriedandWorried Sat 29-Apr-17 09:58:43

There isn't another class, just one class a year.
I don't think she is being horrible, I think she's looking out for both children.
New boy seems to have some anger issues and has hurt some of the children and so on.
My son isn't like that but equally isn't scared of much so that doesn't put him off.
Believe me when I say the majority of children in his class are not your typical 6 or 7 year old boys.
They are all working about a year ahead academically, don't ride bikes or scooters or play football but play games like chess and enjoy trips to the library.
Neither are wrong, but they are very different to my son.
We've had all the playmates over and I'm close to many of the mums so I know that's the reason behind them not bonding.

CassandraAusten Sat 29-Apr-17 10:08:49

When my DS1 was aged between 3 and 7 he had a best friend who was naughty - he didn't listen and sometimes hurt other kids. I wasn't delighted about the friendship, I focused on my own son's behaviour (which was mainly good) as I knew I couldn't control his friendships. Eventually they drifted apart as friends. Maybe try this approach and see how things go?

winewolfhowls Sat 29-Apr-17 10:54:49

If the new boy has limited English, I think you mentioned his mum does, then some of his behaviour may be down to boredom or frustration at school if he can't understand and he is in a different cultural situation with different rules. He may mellow once settled, when he has picked up more English, which kids do quickly.

WorriedandWorried Sat 29-Apr-17 11:54:08

I think the dad speaks fluent English as he is white British.
It's probably just as he's settling into a new school

UppityHumpty Sat 29-Apr-17 12:30:08

Is moving schools an option?

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