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Saying please and thank you

(12 Posts)
nympthinyellow Fri 28-Apr-17 15:32:52

This is an argument discussion that comes up every couple of weeks in our house, and it's to do with saying please and thank you. If, for example, I am asking my DH to make me a cup of tea I'll say 'please' because he's doing me a favour. However if DS's nappy needs changing when he's around I'll just ask him to do it because I've already changed 3 dirty nappies in the last hour. Same goes with dishwasher/ other household tasks that need doing between us when he's not at work. He always gives me a 'look' waiting for me to say please. But I don't think this is doing me a favour, it just needs doing so I resent having to say please. I point out that no one ever says to me 'please look after your child today' 'thank you for doing the food shopping/ cooking dinner.' I just do it, cos it needs to be done. On the odd occasion he does something without me having to ask I do say thank you. But really it's a shared responsibility. I guess it's how you the view meaning of please/ thank you. I want DS to grow up being polite but also not to think woman do all the work and have to 'ask nicely' for help. Thoughts?

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 28-Apr-17 15:35:25

I always say please and thank you, regardless of what it is.

gazzalw Fri 28-Apr-17 15:40:21

It is a total bugbear we have with our DC. They are a tween and a teen now. Even though we've been reminding them constantly since they could talk, they are still not keen on 'please' or 'thank you' and often have to be prompted. Drives us mad - we're in manners' Groundhog Day in our house!

splendide Fri 28-Apr-17 15:41:58

I think you're confusing two issues. I would always say please if asking someone to do something - it's a total habit.

However why do you have to ask him to change nappies at all? Doesn't he notice? Is he an idiot?

MissesBloom Fri 28-Apr-17 15:42:18

Tbh I would say please, however I use please and thank you way too much, as in, with strangers, if I'm ordering food say, I say please after every item. I hate that I cant not say it blush. Its a disease!

DH never changes nappies either, drives me insane. If we are both home he wont do a nappy unless asked specifically. On my weekend lie ins (we take turns) when I get up dd is always in a wet nappy angry.

I would always say please and thank you though if he also says it to you. If not then I'd leave him waiting with that raised brow!

Ratatatouille Fri 28-Apr-17 15:48:09

I would always say please and thank you in those situations, but then so would DH. He is just as likely to ask me to do a job as I am to ask him (or unlikely really because we both just crack on and don't need to be asked).

Presumably your DH always says please and thank you since it's so important to him? If so, then surely your DC are not learning that women have to ask nicely for help, but that both partners should be polite. The only way that this would be an issue is if you are always having to ask your DH to do things because he never takes the initiative himself. If that's the case, then it isn't the pleases and thank you's that are the issue. It's the fact that all these mundane tasks are your responsibility by default unless you expressly ask for help. That's what will teach your DC the wrong lessons.

requestingsunshine Fri 28-Apr-17 15:49:29

I would say please on those occasions if I was asking someone to do something whether it benefited me or not. I also say thank you if someone cooks me dinner and exdh always said thanks for dinner when I cooked his dinner.

nympthinyellow Fri 28-Apr-17 16:54:11

Ok IABU will say please in future through gritted teeth he does do nappies and household tasks, but only if asked (unless he's left alone with DS, if I'm there he assumes I'll do it.) he sometimes says thank you for dinner and would be nice if he did it more often, maybe I'll point that out. Thanks for your replies!

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 28-Apr-17 19:16:31

If I ask someone to do something (whatever the reason) I would say please.

However I wouldn't necessarily say thank you for the chore type requests but I would for the cup of tea, pass the salt type requests.

Gatehouse77 Fri 28-Apr-17 19:27:27

I have to say that I always say please the first time but not after that if I'm ignored!
And I will say thank you once it's done.

DH and the kids are the same as we lead by example. DH and I will thank each other (and the kids) for any household jobs done where it's helped out someone. For example, cooking, washing up, unloading the dishwasher, taking washing upstairs, etc.

None of us are perfect though so it does slip sometimes.

PovertyJetset Fri 28-Apr-17 19:39:05

I think I would say - ds needs his Nappy changing - and no please

I wouldn't say please for giving my DH a nudge to do some chores.

I however say please when he IS doing me a favour like putting a wash on when he is up early and on his way to work.

Getting each other a drink or serving one another a meal gets please and thank yous though.

op I'm the same as you I think! grin

Meekonsandwich Fri 28-Apr-17 21:24:22

I wouldn't say "please can you change dd's nappy"
I'd say "nappy needs changing!" If he didn't notice and then I'd say thanks for that afterwards, just like he'd say to me I hope!

They say happy couples communicate what they want and take the time to appreciate their partner, so if that means taking the time to say thank you, even if it's something small, I'm going to say it smile sounds corny but if you don't want to say please and thank you, maybe a comment like,
"That was speedy" "you handled that well" "the living room looks nice"

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