Friend dumped- or not!(9 Posts)
I was kind of friend dumped about 18 months ago by my best friend of 20 years when she met a man. We went from talking 3-4 times a week to nothing and I got fed up in the end of making all the effort. It became one way traffic.
So now she has got engaged and had a go at me on the phone (after barely speaking to me for a year and only ever sending one word responses to texts). She also made it clear that certain areas of her life were now not up for discussion.
She made weird passive aggressive comments like 'I've realised that it's always women aren't happy for me' as if to dig at me because apart from sending her a congratulations text, I really haven't been all over this at all- partly because she vanished from my life when she met a man.
I am pleased for her but have moved on as she didn't want to know for 18 mths and hasn't actually asked me how my life has been since then.
Aibu to feel a bit like she can jog on! I feel really upset by it all.
What did she have a go about on the phone?
Do you want to save this friendship? If not, jog on with no regrets. If you do, arrange to meet and tell her how hurt you were to be dumped. Her reaction should tell you what you need to know in terms of whether or not to continue the friendship. I'd be gutted to know that I'd hurt a close friend.
It's really difficult to know what to do. We were like sisters for a long time and yet as soon as a bloke turned up, that was it. I always included her in my family but it feels a bit like she used us because she wasn't in a relationship. She is lovely but some of things she has said to me has really hurt. Especially going from being someone she confided in to being told it was all now private and off limits.
And then when she gets engaged, I'm meant to jump about.
On the phone, she had a go because I had only sent a congrats text and she accused me of not being happy for her.
I would tell her how you are feeling (I.E. the first paragraph from your second post) and ask her if she is prepared to work with you to get back to some level of friendship. If she gets it and is willing to make some effort the that's great. If not, you should both acknowledge that life has moved on and you are just occasional friends now at most.
I think given how your relationship has changed, a congrats text was very nice of you!
What does she want you to do, throw her a party or invite the queen for tea?
She sounds very self absorbed and a pain in the arse.
I'm a bit confused about the time line. She texted you to say she was engaged, you replied saying congrats, she phoned you up and said you didn't seem happy for her?
She's clearly pissed off a lot of people if other friends of hers are struggling to jump for joy at her news. So I'd leave it up to her and then if she gets worse I'd back away, and if she pulls her head out of her arse, then make a bit of an effort to reconnect.
Not that weddings ever bring out people's better side though so if I were you I'd duck out now before she starts using her precious engagement as a reason to dress you in peach frills.
"I've realised that it's always women aren't happy for me", ie "None of my friends have gushed excitedly so that I can wallow and preen in the excitement of my Big News. I dont expect men to be gushy so thats fine but I'm expecting all you Women to play your role in my big production of Me, starring Me as Me and You as 'adoring chorus'"
I'd be phoning her up and telling her what an utter arse she's being and that when if it goes pear shaped with this bloke that SHE dumped YOU for, you'll be there waiting when she has the good grace to apologize.
and then leave it at that. I'm not doubtingthat it was a good friendship at the time, but you can't let people treat you like that, she's shown her fickleness, let her get on with it and find some considerate friends
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.