To get a cleaner as a SAHM

[Jupitertomars]

OH works very long hours when at home then works abroad 1-2 weeks every month or 2.

He does a week of on call every month too and in this week he works from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed (hes in IT so works from home) and also gets phoned during the night.

I have a 7 month old who is EBF and still wakes 2-3 times during the night and a 5 year old at school.

The 5 year old goes to football 3 times a week and swimming once a week.

I cook all the babys meals from scratch and freeze them as shes weaning but this takes a couple of hours each week.

I also do all the cooking at home. My OH works and sometimes puts the older child to bed if work permits but everything else I do.

Theres constantly something that needs done in the house no matter how many hours I spend tidying, cleaning, cooking, ironing, washing ect.

All of the homework is left to me and the caring and playing with the kids. We live in a 5 bed house and every room seems like something needs done.

I try to spend my free time playing and teaching the baby during the day then when she naps ill do housework then the school run then homework then after school clubs then dinner then bedtime then housework then my bedtime then night feeds.

Its getting too much for me and I cant breathe at the thought of it. My baby is also possibly delayed which is why playing with her during the day is so important to me instead of sitting her down infront of the tv to get jobs done.

Also its not OH fault, he literally works so unbelievably hard.

So am I lazy to get hired help even though I don't work? We probably could afford it but would perhaps need to cut some other things out.

I just feel guilty and like im failing as im a sahm but want a cleaner.

Any thoughts?

[StealthPolarBear]

Yanbu at all and you don't need a long list of justifications!
You sound quite anxious, and the "can't breathe comments" are they just phrasing or do you feel unwell?

[AmethystRaven]

If it works for you and your family then go for it. None of anyone else's business!

[ImperialBlether]

If you can afford it, I think you should get a cleaner (basically to do the work your husband would otherwise be doing) and also a babysitter so that you can get some time to yourself out of the house. Would you like to join a gym or go swimming, or meet up with a friend for a drink in the evening? It sounds as though you are feeling the burden of family life and could do with some support.

[GetAHaircutCarl]

Why not?

I'm not a SAHP but we have a housekeeper.
DH and I don't particularly enjoy many routine domestic tasks and we can afford help.

All good.

[Jupitertomars]

I just feel overwhelmed where I feel like my chest is tight when I think of all the stuff that needs doing! This isnt all the time, ive just had a particularly awful week and this morning I felt this struggling to breathe sensation and started to think of a solution, but didn't know if a cleaner would be unreasonable or lazy.

Glad you dont think so.

[onalongsabbatical]

Lazy? Look at what you do (as I just did, reading your post). You are a full-time, caring, dedicated mum. It's hard work and full on and you are doing it so well, with almost no input from your OH because he works every minute of the day.
You live in a FIVE BEDROOM house!
YADNBU, if you can find the money to take the pressure off with keeping the house together so that you can relax and enjoy your lovely children, completely go for it.
And you're doing a great job.

[AppleMagic]

I second what they all said. Also, make sure you aren't prioritising yourself last - if you can afford four after school activities for your five year old you can probably rejig things to get some help at home.

[Isadora2007]

You are not a housewife. You are a Mum. So of course getting a cleaner is as valid an option for you as for anyone. More so even than someone outside the house all day to an extent as they can at least leave it tidy and come home to it tidy- having kids around and being in all day and cleaning and tidying is like shovelling snow in a blizzard.

I hate that you feel you need to justify yourself.

I used to work 4 hours to pay my cleaner her 3 hours... I miss those days.

[Friendlylightupbear]

YANBU at all. You really don't need to justify it.

[MrPoppersPenguins]

My friend pays for a cleaner, she has no kids and her OH doesn't always work full time (seasonal work). So I think you're justified to have a cleaner if you can afford it!

[budgiegirl]

If you can afford, it, go for it! You're not lazy, you're incredibly busy.

[FritzDonovan]

I think this is just how life gets sometimes, especially when your partner spends a lot of time away. Been there myself, and standards were definitely different with second dc - not so much homecooked baby food etc. I didn't have a cleaner for the same reason you are wondering about it, but tbh, if it helps you get on top of things and be a better parent (and you can afford it), why not, until you feel you can cope more easily?

[bingolittle]

GET A CLEANER GET A CLEANER GET A CLEANER

1. You can more than justify it.
   
2. You don't have to justify it.

[stitchglitched]

YANBU. I'm also a SAHM about to start looking for a cleaner, I feel our current set up warrants a bit of extra help. But even if I was just being a bit 'lazy' it is still no one else's business! You sound like you have your hands full and if getting a cleaner helps take the pressure off why not?

[Lillieslamb]

You don't even need a long list of reasons why you want a cleaner. If you want one, and can afford it, why not? If we could afford a cleaner I'd have one (I'm also a sahm).

[KatherinaMinola]

If you can afford a cleaner and you are going to pay someone the going rate to do it then it is no-one else's business at all. (In your position I would insist on a cleaner, actually.)

[R2G]

YANBU why are you beating yourself up about it? If you can afford to do it. Do it! I have occasionally told my cleaner to just leave my room (as I'm in there lying down having a read - who cares?!)

[JustDanceAddict]

I've had a cleaner on and off for years inc when I wasn't working and the DCs were young. If you can afford it then why not? We have one now - £44 per week- but I work almost f/t and on my day off I do tea to spend it cleaning. My money, my choice. Quite hard to find a good one though who's reliable and thorough. We gothrough an agency at the moment

[ohtheholidays]

All the way through your first post your trying to justify yourself and you don't need to!

You want a cleaner get a cleaner,think of it this way your employing somebody,your giving someone a wage.What could possibly be negative about that.

And try and stop being so hard on yourself

[StealthPolarBear]

Op seriously if you think your health is suffering please talk to your gp or health visitor. Did you suffer any pnd?

[FinallyHere]

As everyone has already said, get yourself some help. If it helps you, think of it as creating employment.

Remember too, to carve out some time for yourself, so that you keep well (and breathe....). You are rightly focused on your children. Having a mother who gets help when she needs it, will make you be an even better role model for your children.

[user1491572121]

Nobody needs to justify getting a cleaner. If you have the money to pay for one then get one.

Otherwise, put on a hair shirt, donate the cleaner's wages to charity and start getting up earlier.

No point even posting about this.

[Seeingadistance]

Yes, get a cleaner - don't feel guilty or bad about it.

And if you're still getting that can't breathe feeling - go and see your doctor.

Take care.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I am to all intents and purposes a SAHM now (I have some PT ad hoc work). DS is 15.

I have had a cleaner for 13 years now. We can afford one.

Fairly certain some people are when they find out I have one. I put it down to them being envious!

You have no need to justify your choices to anyone.

[ButtMuncher]

You should get a cleaner. I'm debating doing so and I don't have half the work you have on - same age baby, but he's my only and FF.

Cleaner aside, is the development delay of your daughter confirmed or is it something you are worried about? I only ask because I often worry about things like this and feel overwhelmed (the whole feeling of not being able to breathe I know well) - I've had to have some support from HV etc to deal with the anxiety but making changes elsewhere (such as passing on tasks to others like cleaning) has helped immensely.