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DP being "encouraging"

(151 Posts)
2boytrouble Fri 28-Apr-17 07:28:33

I started a new job in November. Where I've been less active so have put on a little bit of weight, not much as still wearing size 10 clothes. Though I do have a bigger stomach and love handles and thighs!

On Monday I tried to start a low carb diet. But as I mind two young boys, one 2 and one 5, I found that it was asking too much, so yesterday (Thursday) I decided I couldn't do it, my mind was messed up, I had no energy and felt really miserable which was not ideal for work.

In total carbs yesterday I ended up eatin 2 slices of bread and 3 fish fingers! That's all!

I came home to DP going on about how I can't be fat for holiday, that I need to be skinny to wear a bikini to which I ended up getting quite upset, and then him telling he forgives me for my reaction 😡
He tried to tell me he was being encouraging not going on and nagging about my weight.

Onto this morning. We've been thinking about having fish and chips for a while, as haven't had them in ages (6 years?) I said that yesterday while out with the children I'd actually stumbled across a fish and chips shop so said that later I'd go on the motorbike and get us all some (DP, DS and myself)

His answer was all "yes" until he comes through and goes "I hope this isn't an excuse for you to get fat like your sisters"

I'd replied "you're actually starting again"

To him "I'm not starting, how's that starting, what? Am I never allowed to mention your weight"

I left the room and haven't spoken to him since!

He's left and now there's a bit of argument brewing towards us but surely what he's saying isn't actually that bleady nice or "encouraging" I'm finding he's putting me down a lot and actually making me feel really worthless because I'm not "perfect"

statetrooperstacey Fri 28-Apr-17 07:31:22

Bit rude! What's his body like?

2boytrouble Fri 28-Apr-17 07:33:17

He's ok, average with a big belly! I don't know if I'm just being sensitive, but I can't say these comments he's making are helping

MarcelineTheVampire Fri 28-Apr-17 07:35:36

So so rude, if he was worried about your health then approach it as concern but that's not what he has done- he is just worried what you look like and that makes him a total prat!!

Ignore him, you can lose weight easily by eating healthily and exercising- you don't need to do a faddy diet and do it because you want to not because he is telling you you need to look good in a bikini. Urgh.

Smeaton Fri 28-Apr-17 07:36:28

You're not being sensitive, he's being a fart weasel.

Noone has any say in what you do and don't eat but you.
You're not his piece of arm candy, you're not his dress up dolly.

Basically, have double fish and chips and tell him to fuck off.

WellErrr Fri 28-Apr-17 07:37:18

I think he doesn't want you to get fat but he's being a bit thick about how he voices the concern to you.

I wouldn't want my partner to get fat either. It's a hard thing to talk about though.

2boytrouble Fri 28-Apr-17 07:39:01

I can understand wanting me to not get fat!

I don't want to get fat! I don't want him to get fat! But I don't spend all my time telling him to not eat that or he needs to look good for holiday!

I'm very insulted by him!

And this is the first line of things of how I'm not perfect. So it's adding to a list of constant digs at me!

picklemepopcorn Fri 28-Apr-17 07:39:06

He's really not helping, is he? Insensitive or what.

Just be careful though, in this situation I cut my nose off to spite my face- eat twice as much to show him he can't control me! Not helpful.

divadee Fri 28-Apr-17 07:39:12

I had this with my ex husband. I lost 4 stone and I constantly got digs about it all the way through. In the end i was too skinny according to him. Ffs just tell him to do one and keep his comments to himself. Some men don't like their women bettering themself. I think it says more about their confidence than yours. I also think they say bad things to you to derail the process. Knowing it would upset you and you would then come off the diet. Reverse psychology is a bitch.

Clutterbugsmum Fri 28-Apr-17 07:40:24

I would be having a very blunt conversation about this with him, telling him that he won't have to worry about you 'being fat' (and your not) in a bikini on holiday as he will not be joining you if he continues with this conversation. And if that worried about weight then he concentrate on losing the weight he needs to lose to get rid of his stomach. And leave it at that.

shockshockhorror Fri 28-Apr-17 07:41:07

Wtf? "You need to be skinny to wear a bikini" would have me absolutely fuming. Tell him to fuck right off and eat your chips in peace.

I hate men who think they have some sort of right over their partner's bodies.

I put on two stone when pregnant and breastfeeding, my husband didn't mention it once.

GoodEyebrowDay Fri 28-Apr-17 07:41:27

Totally get why you'd be upset. But you haven't actually started the diet have you? Maybe you need to asses your approach & start something you can stick with rather than finding excuses why you can't.

Doublemint Fri 28-Apr-17 07:41:56

You're wearing size 10 clothes and you think you're fat?!?!? Misses the point

Smeaton Fri 28-Apr-17 07:43:47

And this is the first line of things of how I'm not perfect. So it's adding to a list of constant digs at me!

This is not his you should be living one and only life.
A partner shouldn't be making digs at you, putting you down, eroding your confidence. It could be considered emotional abuse.

A partner should be encouraging, should spur you on and give you joy and confidence, confidence to do what you what.

DirtyChaiLatte Fri 28-Apr-17 07:44:09

I don't think any man has a right to negatively comment on any woman's weight. Maybe if it's constructively expressed for your health.....then maybe.

It would be interesting to see a comparison of each of your BMIs considering he has a belly himself! So many men seem to be over weight themselves yet never think it's an issue, but that their wives weight is.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Fri 28-Apr-17 07:44:54

I also wouldn't be putting up with him calling my sisters fat either tbh.

statetrooperstacey Fri 28-Apr-17 07:45:34

I think maybe you are a bit 'touchy' about the subject but he is being very insensitive! My dh is a bit the same and it makes me stick 2 fingers up at him and mainline
kitkkats, so no it's not helpful.
If you think he is coming from a nice place but getting it wrong have another chat with him and tell him really clearly how you feel.
If however you think he is being a body shaming dick deliberately I would go right back at him.
Something along the lines of "when I want diet and nutritional advice from someone who looks like a snake eating an Easter egg il come to you babe, till then wind your neckl in"

Sunshineandlaughter Fri 28-Apr-17 07:47:15

What a prat! It's absolutely not ok for him to mention your weight.
Fish and chips every night!
I've also put on 2/3 stone due to pregnancy and breastfeeding and stress and am struggling to loose it. DH knows full well it bothers me more than him so doesn't mention it although I know he thinks I just need to be more disciplined (I think I've got hormone/thyroid problems and I know I've got low vitamin d and iron).

GreatFuckability Fri 28-Apr-17 07:50:44

Sorry but i can't get passed 'we've been thinking of having fish and chips for a while' sounds like fun in your house.

tell him to fuck off.

Hoppinggreen Fri 28-Apr-17 07:52:28

Is he aware that bikinis come Ina variety of sizes?

Foldedtshirt Fri 28-Apr-17 07:53:54

I have zero tolerance to weight and body image discussion at home. Have done for 20+ years when DDs were tiny and I was smaller too
Some people have no filter, DH used to read out the calorie content of jars, but finally he knows any mention of anyone's physical apoearance gets him an icy glare or is challenged.
(Low carb fish and chips: nick a couple of chips off someone else's serving and leave the batter, the fish is no carb and effectively steamed. Add mushy peas and it's delicious)

expatinscotland Fri 28-Apr-17 08:06:04

'He's ok, average with a big belly! '

He's undermining you and trying to knock down your self-confidence. I had this with an ex. Ex.

Butterymuffin Fri 28-Apr-17 08:10:21

If you're size 10,.you're not fat.

If this is him being 'encouraging' I'd hate to hear him when he's not! That's having a go. Tell him to stop, and stop with all the other digs. He doesn't sound like he's very nice to you.

Oh, and ask him when are WE going to start OUR diet because he's not beach body ready either <look pointedly at his belly>

millifiori Fri 28-Apr-17 08:10:34

Give him the same treatment. Point out that his belly is not holiday material and he'll need to stop drinking and eat no carbs to get his six pack holiday ready. Either he'll realise how annoying and demoralising it is to be on the receiving end of this, or the two of you might support each other to get really toned for the summer. But this one-sided nagging and judgement from him is horrible.

lornathewizzard Fri 28-Apr-17 08:12:29

Fuck that. His attitude to you (and your sisters!) is horrendous.

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