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Help please for a witty comeback...

(76 Posts)
Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:54:23

Not strictly an AIBU, but I'm posting here for traffic, please.

I have posted in "What would you do?" Earlier today and had no answers.

There's a lady at work who keeps harassing me about whether I am pregnant yet or not. I have asked her to stop.

When/if I announce, she will turn around and say "I knew you were, I just knew it!"

What would be a good comeback for this, to let her know how annoyed I am regarding her hassling me, and then her claiming she knew?
Thanks in advance

Great question! I'm watching with interest as I will have this exact scenario in a couple of weeks.

I'm actually thinking of telling my colleagues when this particular lady is out of the office and seeing how long it takes to trickle through to her.

Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:04:59

Oh my, I think you are actually me!!!
I'm fully planning to do the same. And then ignoring her congratulations when she finally finds out.

Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:06:17

Was thinking of saying something along the lines of " well if you already knew, why were you harassing me weekly about it? Surely if you knew you wouldnt need to ask?!" And then walking off!

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley Thu 27-Apr-17 21:06:30

Say "oops.. glad you remind me! Need to text DH quickly! Cover for me, will you? Should only tske 5 mins!" Run out of the office clutching a tube of KY and the karma sutra.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Thu 27-Apr-17 21:06:37

There's a lady at work who keeps harassing me

It's invasive. Your manager, your union, HR in that order.

Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:06:50

Congratulations, by the way. Hope the reveal and pregnancy goes smoothly for you.

BluebellsareBlue Thu 27-Apr-17 21:06:59

"Ah, insert annoying woman's name here, I knew you knew, in fact you were asking me so often I was beginning to wonder if you were hiding in my wardrobe during the conception!"

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley Thu 27-Apr-17 21:07:47

Ignore- I thought you were asking for comebacks for the endless "are you pregnant yet?" Question.

elQuintoConyo Thu 27-Apr-17 21:09:33

"Can you drop it, please. My sex life is none of your business and you are embarassing yourself".

And speak to your manager!

Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:11:05

All roads... haha, imagine her face!!
I've been tempted to ask her for a tampon to make her think I'm not pregnant.

Still.... yes today was the worst... she cornered me in a small room and physically tried to block me from leaving until she has asked me and got an answer from me. I pushed past her and told her to stop asking me. I'm very close to making a complaint. She has asked me approx monthly since Oct last year. I'll just leave it now, as I don't think she will ask again. She had better not.

Butterscotch1989 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:11:55

All good replies, thank you! I'll have to rehearse them!!

AlternativeTentacle Thu 27-Apr-17 21:13:49

Put a grievance in, that is not on and is harassment.

iklboo Thu 27-Apr-17 21:14:11

'Of course you knew. You helped the alien with the probe. I ^saw you on the spaceship' in a conspiratorial whisper.

EauPea Thu 27-Apr-17 21:14:26

I'd reply with "Am I? You tell me!" 😁

LilacSpatula Thu 27-Apr-17 21:15:26

"Why are you so obsessed with my vagina?"

Done.

AfroBrown Thu 27-Apr-17 21:15:44

Tell her you didn't know you could get pregnant through your mouth. Wait to see her expression

Congratulations to you too Butterscotch, I hope everything is going well.

I assume your woman is the twin sister of the one I work with. I've already pointed out to her that my sex life isn't any of her business, and also that if someone was struggling to conceive and she kept asking them then it could cause serious distress but there's no stopping her!

It's getting to the point where I'm considering an all staff email to about 800 people just so that she can't then go about announcing my pregnancy to people herself!

ImperialBlether Thu 27-Apr-17 21:18:07

I think you need to make a formal complaint against her, particularly after what happened today. She shouldn't be allowed to get away with that.

Justmuddlingalong Thu 27-Apr-17 21:18:40

Either ‘Yes, I conceived just so you'd shut the fuck up' or 'I knew it, you are a witch'.

VladmirsPoutine Thu 27-Apr-17 21:20:03

What sort of tone is she striking? There in lies a difference. Whilst I don't agree that anyone's womb should be subject to public scrutiny I also have worked with a woman who miscarried over a period of 4 years. Whenever other colleagues became pregnant she'd always smile, wink, nod. She meant no harm and in many ways she was able to deal with all the losses by talking pregnancy woes with the rest of us.

noitsnotme Thu 27-Apr-17 21:20:45

I genuinely cannot believe some of the behaviour I read about on here confused What a complete walloper she is.

Trifleorbust Thu 27-Apr-17 21:21:19

"You are so smart."

elQuintoConyo Thu 27-Apr-17 21:21:55

"The sperm is just passing the tonsils at the moment, but ask me again next week".

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Thu 27-Apr-17 21:22:06

No you didnt know - you are just an annoying bar steward.

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