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Is Dsis taking the P or am I being insensitive?

(166 Posts)
NoMoreBones Thu 27-Apr-17 19:42:24

Sister had a baby 9 weeks ago, I have had her 3 times overnight in that time, other siblings once and twice each so she has only actually had the baby at the weekend once since birth. So not like she doesn't get a break.

My son wad admitted to hospital on Sunday and was diagnosed with type one diabetes. We are just learning about carb counting and monitoring blood sugars etc, it's all new and d's needs supervising and sometimes help. I am preparing his 4 meals and 2 snacks each day.
As a single mum (I have a bf but it's early days and he doesn't live with is) with 2 other kids it is very full on and I have had to take the week off work to meet with the care team and nutritionist and school.

Yesterday dsis asked me to have the baby overnight on Saturday, I already have a friends child staying all weekend while she works and it was all arranged before this so I am still going ahead, this chikd is 9 so doesn't need immediate attention and can get herself a drink/snack etc. So anyeay I said sorry I have X this weekend I can't manage another.

Before the medical issues with D'S I had agreed to have the baby tonight for a few hours while sis and her partner go out for dinner. I totally forgot all about since with havibg so much going on. I got a text earlier saying do I want to have the baby overnight now since I am off work tomorrow.

So my AIBU is am I BY to be pissed off that dsis is still expecting me to have a 9 week old baby that feeds 3 hourly when i have so much else going on and that she wants to push it for more since I am off, without a thought to the fact that I have 3 separate appointments to deal with tomorrow and enough on my plate!

rollonthesummer Thu 27-Apr-17 19:47:44

Erm, say no!

Foslady Thu 27-Apr-17 19:47:58

YANBU - definitely have enough on without being awake every three hours during the night. How many nights did she do for you at that age.....?

AhNowTed Thu 27-Apr-17 19:48:19

Absolutely not! I'm frankly staggered at the cheek. Who leaves a 9 week old baby.. and she has a partner! Like.. what the actual.

PaperdollCartoon Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:03

Of course you're not being U, I'm also truly surprised anyone has left their 9 week old once over night let alone every weekend - is your DSis ok? This is very odd.

monkeytoad35 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:05

YANBU. She is taking the P! Text sorry, I'm looking forward to a lay in on my day off work smile

Talith Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:09

You aren't being unreasonable and the sooner you nip this in the bud the sooner she will realise being a mother is 24/7. She sounds very immature to be expecting this kind of break on such a regular basis. Going out for dinner two months in is a luxury not necessity and​ you have enough on your plate.

ijustwannadance Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:16

So she gets a night and day off from her baby because you're off work? When do you get a break?

The issue is you and other siblings are enabling her behaviour by taking the baby every week. She is forever going to expect the weekend off!

ohfourfoxache Thu 27-Apr-17 19:52:50

Text her and apologise that you completely forgot and that you're not able to have baby after all.

Then don't offer again.

It sounds like she could be suffering from PND, but that doesn't excuse acting like a selfish arse (disclaimer: I've got chronic depression and am having a prenatal flare up. But if I was to behave like that I'd expect to be called on it).

gettinfedduppathis Thu 27-Apr-17 19:56:29

P-taking bigtimestylie

babyinarms Thu 27-Apr-17 19:56:42

Your dsis sounds spoiled ! Does she always get her own way ? Sounds like everyone runs around after her. How much help has she given you with your dcs in the past? I'd imagine very little.
Let the brat get on with it, she has a dp.... it's not like she on her own.... you are !!!
You've enough on , tell her go jump !

pregnantandhormonal87 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:57:18

Text and say no you have other plans, I'm surprised she's comfortable leaving the baby overnight once with anyone at that age to be honest never mind every weekend. My sister would have told me where to get off if I had done that with my kids

KC225 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:58:58

Your SIL is being insensitive. How many other children does she have? Most people would struggle to be parted from a 9 week old baby. She needs to be reminded that you have had the baby a lot, you have helped way more than should be expected and now your Son's needs have to come first. Stand strong.

I am sorry about your son's diagnosis. I hope the appointments go well tomorrow.

C0untDucku1a Thu 27-Apr-17 19:59:15

Bloody hell! How old is your sister?

rollonthesummer Thu 27-Apr-17 20:00:17

She's only taking the piss if you let her. Why would you do so?!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:00:39

Say yeah that's great as I needed a break myself. So I'll have the baby tonight and I'll send my 3 to yours tomorrow. Bet she doesn't ask again. wink

beekeeper17 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:00:56

Is there a reason that she and her partner feel like they need a break every week? Are they not coping well? I would never have expected someone else to have my dd overnight at that age when they are up during the night and still needing fed so frequently, unless it was a really special occasion or I really wasn't coping. We did go out once or twice when my dd was around that age but we were back by midnight at the very latest so the most someone else had to do was the 11pm feed. Either she is taking the piss or she isn't coping.

TheRealPooTroll Thu 27-Apr-17 20:04:37

I also agree that your dsis doesn't seem ok to be shipping out a baby so young as much as she can get away with.
Odd overnights to catch up on sleep I can understand but surely you'd want to see your child in the daytime? One weekend in 9 with your own baby is crazy and must be confusing for the baby as well to be staying with different family in different houses all the time. Do you think she is having trouble bonding?

NoMoreBones Thu 27-Apr-17 20:07:14

Everyone is trying to help her out because she has lost custody of another child and we ar all anxious that she doesn't feel overwhelmed or unsupported.

She has helped me out with my kids, I go out maybe 3 times a year and she will help out in the summer holidays sometimes but my kids are all school age and she has her partner with her every time. I never left my kids at that age so I can't comment as to wether she would have helped out or not.

I didn't think I was being UR but then o thought maybe she just doesn't realise how consuming this illness is to start with? I am sure once we know what carbs are in things and when D'S is confident doing his own injections the pressure will ease off a but but the I am still reeling a bit.

TheRealPooTroll Thu 27-Apr-17 20:08:47

Do you mind me asking what caused her to lose custody of her other child?

NoMoreBones Thu 27-Apr-17 20:10:20

I don't think it is a case of dsis not coping, it's just how she is. She likes to have a drink and relax at the weekend. She has a social worker who is monitoring them on a weekly basis but not sure she knows about the overnight stays.

QuietNameChange Thu 27-Apr-17 20:11:00

Ok, I understand she's struggling.

However... Your wellbeing (not being stretched too thin) and you learning your DS's food requirements are also really really important.

I don't think YABU.

And (I know this may sound awful) but if she does end up loosing custody again? it's not your fault. And it's not because you didn't take her baby (again...!)

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:11:22

I wish you were my DS! She is BVU.

NoMoreBones Thu 27-Apr-17 20:12:50

PooTroll she left her with her dad 'overnight' and didn't go back for her until 2 weeks later, understandably dad refused to give her back. We thought she had settled down with her new partner and got her life back on track but she is still keen to ship the new baby off.

C0untDucku1a Thu 27-Apr-17 20:14:21

If she has already had a child removed, and is still prioritising drinking, im not sure id be bending over backwards to enable her keeping this one

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