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.. To think it's reasonable to pick dd up at 10:00am

(46 Posts)
SpringDad Thu 27-Apr-17 19:23:05

DD is 8, I'm separated from her mum, dd and I have a good relationship. I don't want to go into detail as my XP stalks me on here, but my time with dd has almost halved recently ( temporarily I hope ) so I'm keen to make the most of our time. There are no safe guarding issues, dd and I are very fond of each other... Anyway

This is the conversation I had with her mum about my pick up..

Me : Hi , could you have dd ready on Sat to leave at 10:00 am please ?

XP: oh I don't know maybe, if she's tired maybe not. Her sleep is very important.

[ dd has no health probs ]

Me: Er... I am her dad , I'm quite important too. It's quite normal for children to up and ready at 10am.

XP : don't you care about her well being ? !

All of that in ear shot of dd at XPs.

I think she's being unreasonable. Doubly so as we spoke last night on the phone at 9:30pm and she told me ,she'd yet to feed dd diner. To which I thought 'well why have you just phoned me up talking for the last 30 minutes ?

Trifleorbust Thu 27-Apr-17 19:27:18

Why do you not have a regular pick up time? Have you sought a contact order?

apotheke Thu 27-Apr-17 19:27:17

Based on the info in your post,
You are not being at all unreasonable.

It's always puzzled me the parents that cannot make play dates/parties starting at 10am. What time do their kids go to bed/sleep until?

shivermytimbers Thu 27-Apr-17 19:30:52

On the face of it I would say you seem reasonable but I wondered why your contact had halved. Has that affected your XPs attitude?

supermoon100 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:32:28

She sounds like she is being deliberately unhelpful. 8 year old should not be sleeping in that late!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 19:33:24

Exw - if you have dd ready for 9 you can go back to bed for a lie in. . grin
My ex insisted he had ds at 8 on a Sat. .
Crack on dearest. .
Hello duvet!!

DontPullThatTubeOut Thu 27-Apr-17 19:54:31

Why has it been halved? And who by? She is being unreasonable though, I often have to get ready and out of the house by ten with two young kids and the youngest has usually pulled her ng tube out and that needs wrestled back down again before I can leave, if we can manage (albeit there is two parents) then she can easily manage a healthy 8 year old that can dress themselv s and all she has to do is provide beeakfast all while wearing her pjs.
I'd get back to her and say can she show you some evidence that your daughter needs so much extra sleep and that you are concerned that you haven't been told this before now, and maybe your daughter can't sleep because she is being fed so late. If she refuses the "evidence" I would suggest to her that maybe you need to go back to court so you can see why your child needs so much extra sleep so you can facilitate that when she is at yours. It sounds catty but it might call her bluff.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 27-Apr-17 19:56:15

10am yanbu it's not like you've asked for 7am is it

brummiesue Thu 27-Apr-17 19:56:49

I would also be slightly concerned as to why an 8yr old is still waiting for dinner at 9pm hmm

Ellisandra Thu 27-Apr-17 20:01:09

My 8yo is up at 06:30 every morning without fail.

Her 8yo best friend spends all week being forced out of bed for school and can easily be still tired at 10:00 at the weekend. Her mother does not organise morning activities. She's really not a morning person!

So yes, especially after a week at school - and if there is a reason for a late night on Fri - a child could be tired for a 10:00 pick up.

Or your ex might be an awkward cow.

Not enough info.

Ellisandra Thu 27-Apr-17 20:02:11

Of course YANBU at objections to that comment in front of the child.

PollyPerky Thu 27-Apr-17 20:13:16

why was an 8 yr old eating dinner at 10pm?? I think that is more the concern. No wonder she can't get up if she goes to bed so late.

TheRealPooTroll Thu 27-Apr-17 20:19:37

Sounds like she goes to bed late if she eats dinner so late so maybe she would still be asleep? Can you ask what time she will be ready and then have her with you until later?

Chattymummyhere Thu 27-Apr-17 20:32:03

My nearly 8yr old Ds would easily still be in bed at 10/11am if I let him and his in bed for 8pm. To be fair so could I and oldest DD it's just DD2 that means I have to get up. Some people are just not morning people however if you know she is normally up by then the mum is just being hard work.

alltouchedout Thu 27-Apr-17 20:41:05

It's always puzzled me the parents that cannot make play dates/parties starting at 10am. What time do their kids go to bed/sleep until.
None of us are morning people. We spend all week getting up horribly early to be out in time for work and school. Weekends and annual leave, none of us want to be doing that. It can seem odd if you're not someone who struggles with mornings but asking me to be awake and energetic at 8am is like asking a morning person to be up and raring to go at 11pm. Not impossible, but unpleasant and hard.

BewtySkoolDropowt Thu 27-Apr-17 22:06:45

Is it just me that thinks it's odd to say you are 'very fond of' your child? My feelings towards my kids go way deeper than 'fond'.

Willyoujustbequiet Fri 28-Apr-17 00:52:32

There must be a huge backstory to this. I also agrer with bewty. Fond? confused

ThePants999 Fri 28-Apr-17 02:48:25

School must be a bugbear if being up for 10 is challenging...

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 28-Apr-17 03:14:14

YANBU - 10am at 8yo shouldn't be a challenge, and if it is, then yes, I'd be wondering about her bedtimes too.
I'm not a morning person either, but we're always available before 10am on a Saturday!

KoalaDownUnder Fri 28-Apr-17 03:24:20

My friend's ex-wife pulls this one too, purely to be obstructive. 'The children will be too tired at 10 am, as they have a birthday party the afternoon before'. confused

They're 8 and 10, not burnt-out 50-year-old businessmen. If they're still tired mid-morning, they're either being put to bed far too late or there's a medical problem.

SpringDad Fri 28-Apr-17 07:23:50

School must be a bugbear if being up for 10 is challenging

Well this is the thing, it's only a problem when I ask for her to be ready at 10:00. If XP has something organised for early morning then dd will be ready.

This is no means a one off situation.

And yes there is a back story, I'm increasingly think I'm experiencing parental alienation ( a whole other story I don't want to get into here ) , I just wanted to gauge how reasonable or not having your DC up and ready at 10:00 am is. Nobody I've asked in RL thinks it reasonable.

FluffyWhiteTowels Fri 28-Apr-17 07:28:53

Can you ask your daughter herself if 10am ok? She is 8 and is surely independent in getting ready?

TheNaze73 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:36:00

She's being deliberately obstructive.
Sounds like she's putting annoying you ahead of the child.

WhisperingLoudly Fri 28-Apr-17 07:36:13

My DC wouldn't much fancy being up and out the house at 10 on a weekend - although they're a little older.

In my experience kids have so much packed into their weeks that they need some down time /extra sleep on the weekends

Icantstopeatinglol Fri 28-Apr-17 07:41:33

Could it be a control thing? We had similar with my dh's xp, after a couple of years of similar problems we ended up realising the problem so we'd say 'Can we have dsd for 9am?' and 99% of the time xp would say 'no that's too early, you can pick her up at 10'. This would happen anytime of the day, so if we wanted her for 3pm we'd ask for 2pm and would usually get her for 3pm. It was daft but it worked. Hope you get it resolved and become able to come to an agreement that works for the three of you.

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