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AIBU?

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 27/04/2017 14:02

Maybe you should have just said fuck off at the first comment

PickAChew · 27/04/2017 14:05

You could have directed him to the aisle where they sell food that stops you from being a dickhead.

Faithless12 · 27/04/2017 14:05

I think YABU. Although there is no tone in your post regarding how he said it. You admit you're touchy about your weight maybe that's affected how you dealt with him. I personally wouldn't comment on a strangers lunch, but he might have just been awkwardly trying to be friendly.

BorpBorpBorp · 27/04/2017 14:05

It's incredibly rude to comment on what someone else is eating.

The woman should have had your back, he wasn't just making conversation. Who the fuck makes conversation with strangers in supermarkets anyway?

He wasn't just being friendly, he was being a dick. He was trying to control police your body because he thinks that women have a duty to be thin.

I would like to think I would have responded to his comment with a big grin and "oh good. Perhaps I'll have two."

However fat or thin you are, it is no business of his what you eat.

weeblueberry · 27/04/2017 14:07

I don't think either of you really came out of that smelling of roses tbh...

TyrionLannistersShadow · 27/04/2017 14:07

Bet you he wouldn't have commented on your lunch if you were a man!

xStefx · 27/04/2017 14:07

I would have said " ooh id best get two of them then as im trying to put on a little weight"
That was rude of him, he deserved to have you being arsey with him x

Fruitcocktail6 · 27/04/2017 14:09

I don't think you should have engaged with it in the first place, no use getting so worked up.

And yes, if he was also overweight, I would say he was just making conversation.

MovingtoParadise · 27/04/2017 14:09

#EverydaySexism

littlepeas · 27/04/2017 14:10

He was rude, but if you'd just smiled and nodded then it would have been over in seconds, instead you dragged it out massively and made a scene. I'm not sure challenging him was the right thing to do - just be confident in your own choices.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 27/04/2017 14:11

He said he was overweight.

He was just making conversation i think.

Slight overreaction because its a sore subject for you

user1492526833 · 27/04/2017 14:13

IT would have been beat to completely ignore him. I bet he loved your reaction, probably not much going on in his life.

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:13

In hindsight, i'm glad i said something. I would have been fuming at myself if i'd just left it and the man went away thinking what he commented was acceptable.

Just wish i'd have said something a bit more meaningful and in a more dignified way.

He wasn't going away. He didn't even seem to be looking at the sandwiches. Just commented in passing through the aisle and then stuck around as if waiting for a response.

And i also don't think that because he's overweight, it was just him making conversation. That's a rubbish excuse for his behaviour.

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 27/04/2017 14:13

first impression he was only stating a fact that those foods are fattening. I don't see it as a personal attack.

Anon1234567890 · 27/04/2017 14:14

How do you know he was referring to your own weight and not just thinking aloud about his own weight? YABU

fizzicles · 27/04/2017 14:15

Can't really believe people are saying OP should have just responded politely to a rude comment to make the situation better. Actually, I can, because women are brought up to do this - he definitely wouldn't have spoken to a man like that, he was being rude (probably not deliberately, but that doesn't make it ok) and it's not ok. Definitely everyday sexism, and just because we're so used to it doesn't make it right.

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:17

Because he was directing it at me. I was the only one there initially. And he was looking at the wrap i was holding. Even if he was talking about his own weight (which i doubt), it is extremely rude to make such a comment on a food that a stranger is considering buying. Cannot believe people are excusing his behaviour. I accept that we were both unreasonable, for different reasons, but he was not the 'victim' in this exchange like he made out to be.

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 27/04/2017 14:18

He sounds really rude, I don't blame you for pulling him up on it. I highly doubt he would have said what he did to another man. As for the 'fresh air is better for you' comment, I think I would have been arsy at that point as well. Yes, because being a bit overweight should mean stop eating, why had he never taken his own advice I wonder.

'Just making conversation', yeah sure...

MadamePomfrey · 27/04/2017 14:19

If you want to start a conversation surely you stick to safe topics, price, the weather there are loads of options! You don't come to on what is fattening and what someone needs to do loose weight that's rude and not ok!

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 27/04/2017 14:19

Someone once said something along the same lines to me when I was looking at a smoked salmon bagel in a supermarket (I always study the back of the packaging to make sure there are no tomatoes or mushrooms because they often get shoved into sandwiches one might no expect.
He said something like "that might not be as good for you as it sounds", I said "what?" he said "you'll put on weight eating those" and pointed at my belly (I was a size 8 and 5 months pregnant).
I picked up two more, put them in my basket, dropped the basket to the floor and started doing a sort of cheerleader dance. It was probably nonsensical because as often with these scenarios I had no time to think it through. My husband tells me he could be me shouting about patriarchy and old white men from the next aisle.😂

Floggingmolly · 27/04/2017 14:20

Why did you stand there arguing the toss? Confused

Chavelita · 27/04/2017 14:20

I think you were remarkably restrained. I'd have got him in a headlock and given him a Feminism 101 lecture on male entitlement, and probably a reading list so he could go and do some secondary reading in case he was confused to where his opinion on your eating habits fitted into the scheme of things as regards everyday sexism/'give us a smile, love' etc.

yabu to drink Irn Bru though

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BoffinMum · 27/04/2017 14:20

To be honest OP I think you need a thicker skin. Some random was rude about your lunch choices - so what? Once he knew you had been rattled he had got his thrills from being abusive. You let him rattle you. I would have just ignored him or if I felt like a bit of sport I would have said "I am sorry, did you say something?" and then "I don't understand what you mean" a few times at intervals while he dug himself into a hole trying to explain/justify/etc, and then given him a quizzical look and just walked off. It's up to you what you have for much and a size 14 is perfectly normal.

McTufty · 27/04/2017 14:20

I would have been upset too - I hate comments on what I'm eating. And he totally wouldn't have said it to a man.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 27/04/2017 14:21

Yeah I think you come across as totally crazy here. An old man made a slightly daft comment about food. TBH, a size 14 really isn't big enough to inspire random people to walk up and tell you what to eat. Sounds like you're already on edge and you wentcway too far. The Irn Bru and crisis thing makes you look even more crazy/ridiculous.

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