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WIBU to lie about my due date?

(87 Posts)
Fruu Thu 27-Apr-17 09:49:01

My first baby was 19 days overdue and eventually arrived via induction / EMCS.

For the last month and a half of pregnancy there were several members of mine and my partner's family who were phoning me once or twice a day every day to nag me for updates. I have anxiety issues anyway and it did not help at all having constant conversations about how many days overdue I was and whether I'd tried curry/pineapple/everything else under the sun. MIL and my dad were even nagging my partner and occasionally me from my due date about what date I would be going in for induction!

It got so bad I started preemptively emailing a daily "no news" update to both families and nosy friends because I was ending up in tears or having panic attacks after the phone calls, in the hope that they'd then not phone us. Not answering the phone is not really an option - some of the family would phone repeatedly, try landlines and work phones or turn up at our door / start phoning the neighbours or our friends and rope them into asking us to phone back.

I'm pregnant again and under no circumstances want to put up with that this time! I've told everyone the baby is due "halfway through X month" rather than the actual, earlier due date. I've also explained as tactfully and gently as possible how much stress I was put under last time and that it's nothing personal and nobody is being given the exact date.

MIL is livid that I won't give her the exact date and was ranting on the phone to my partner a couple of days ago and trying to get the information out of him. Yesterday she made plans for a big family get together (which I'd suggested in the first place) and deliberately excluded us. It's quite obviously not a coincidence.

My dad keeps asking when my last period started and when I'm going to have the dating ultrasound even though I've told him several times now that the most specific I'm willing to be is "halfway through X month". He doesn't seem to understand that I don't WANT to tell him.

All I really want to do is go NC with both our families for the next few months and hide in a cupboard where they can't harass me, but that's not really practical! I've already told my partner that he's fielding all relatives this time if they get difficult and it starts impacting on my mental health.

WIBU to make up a fake due date to shut them up? I'm a bit worried it could backfire when the truth comes out later!

darwinsbabe Thu 27-Apr-17 09:51:33

Good god.

Your dad asking about your last period. I have no words.

Tell them nothing

KinkyAfro Thu 27-Apr-17 09:52:40

I would tell them nothing, they will soon know when baby arrives. Send an email telling them exactly what you've told us, you don't want daily calls, they are not to contact your friends/neighbours, how much they stressed you out last time and your DH must back you up. Can't believe your dad asked when your last period was, that's totally overstepping the mark

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 09:52:57

Your df was asking about your period? That just fucking odd.!!
Pick a date. .
A big body wrong date.
And let them know if they keep harassing you they won't even get to see the baby at this rate!!
But nc full stop would be tempting to me. .

TheFaerieQueene Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:03

Who the hell do these people think they are? It is none of their bloody business. Don't give in OP. They are behaving like utter cunts - not the good kind. Try and enjoy your pregnancy.

Sleepdeprivedredhead Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:08

No. Do it. If a different date "comes out" feint innoncence that it was changed at a scan.

HotFudgeSundae Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:55

YOUR DAD ASKED YOU WHEN YOUR LAST PERIOD WAS?! WOW that is another level of TMI and is gross. Definitely tick to your guns but sounds like your other half needs to stick up for you too, when she started ranting he should have just cut her off and said "it is half way through x month and thats all we're saying" what an odd family you'd think they'd just be happy for you. Stick to your guns and minimise contact as much as possible.

glorious Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:59

I did this and I didn't even have any friends or family behaving so badly. YANBU at all.
flowers

NavyandWhite Thu 27-Apr-17 09:55:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilydaisyrose Thu 27-Apr-17 09:55:04

I know how you feel OP - my last baby was 12 (nearly 13) days overdue & that was bad enough. Added to that was it was a planned homebirth and people seemed desperate for me to go so far over that the home birth wouldn't be possible?

I think you are doing (the vague due date) what you can to protect yourself and you need to stick to your guns and make sure your partner won't cave either. I take it you are planning a VBAC then as otherwise you'd be able to tell them your section date (if you wanted to)? Also, who will look after your DC when you go into hospital? I am so extreme that I'd hate anyone to even know I was in labour so this would be an issue for me.

Good luck!

ChilliMum Thu 27-Apr-17 09:56:54

Wow there are some serious boundary issues in your family.
YADNBU lie give them a date at least 2 weeks past your due date. They will never know.

GinSwigmore Thu 27-Apr-17 09:56:58

Give them a date in 22 months and tell them it's going to be an elephant, the cheeky feckers.

GinSwigmore Thu 27-Apr-17 09:57:50

^oh and that you already know the sex but aren't telling, that'll learn 'em! wink

mrsclaus100 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:57:58

I fully sympathise op. Having gone 2 weeks over with both my dc I can vividly remember how agonising those days of being overdue are. As if it's not bad enough, to then have constant nagging from friends and family is just horrendous. I had one friends who text me every day saying 'have you had that baby yet?!'. In the end I stopped replying. My only advice is to either lie/be non specific about dates and ignore phone calls and texts. Or be very late and brief with the replies hoping that they might get the hint. If I was braver, I'd probably tell the truth and say the said family members that last time you found it very stressful with constant phone calls and intrusion so would they might just sitting tight and waiting for news quietly. But I'm far too much of a wimp! Good luck.

guinnessgirl Thu 27-Apr-17 09:58:16

YA sooooooo NBU. Your family, on the other hand, seem to have a massive problem with recognizing appropriate boundaries and are behaving very badly indeed. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and look after your mental health. flowersflowers

ElspethFlashman Thu 27-Apr-17 09:59:45

Definitely make up a fake date. It sounds like they will just harass you until they get it. Charmers, the lot of them.

Since you were 19 days over, pick a date 14 days over. You will likely go over again, as that's commonplace. Hopefully it won't actually be 14 days but it gives you breathing room.

It's unlikely they will ever find out. Once the baby is born people rarely refer to the due date anymore - it becomes irrelevant and there's a new baby in the room. They may remark about it being early for the first day or so, but the only response necessary from you is "Yes...very different from before indeed....cup of tea?"

gandalfspants Thu 27-Apr-17 10:00:31

I never understood people asking for updates. Are they expecting a 'oh, yeah, gave birth yesterday but forgot to tell you' reply?

OP YANBU, they are all mad, tell them the due date is a month later than it really is, then when baby comes just say there must have been a mistake at the dating scan (or laugh it off and say 'you were all nobs so I lied to you - lols).

badg3r Thu 27-Apr-17 10:02:01

Good god yes just lie. They sound awful. Your dad asked when your last period was... wtf?!! Make up an exact date three weeks later then your actual date and pre warn neighbours that any requests for snooping must be resolutely ignored. I hope they weren't as shot when your first dc had actually arrived. My first was a week and a half overdue and even the odd supportive call asking if I'd had the baby left my blood boiling.

Treaclespongeandcustard Thu 27-Apr-17 10:02:25

We were also badgered to death with our 1st baby who arrived over two weeks late. The second time around we told our familes that our baby was due 10 days later - this was our agreed induction date with consultant. As it happens, they didn't bother with baby number 2 nearly as much and didn't really pester us anyway. Baby 2 arrived exactly on our induction date - naturally. smile

MsHooliesCardigan Thu 27-Apr-17 10:04:10

I actually did this with DS2 as DD was nearly 2 weeks late and the incessant phone calls from DM drove me bonkers. I just don't get why people do this. It's hardly like you're going to forget to tell your parents that you've given birth. DS2 was only 2 days late so my family still think he was a week early.

StarryIllusion Thu 27-Apr-17 10:04:38

Have you considered "my menstrual cycle is none of your concern, my pregnancy is none of your business and you are starting to damage my calm now fuck off you nosy cunts!" I mean no is a full sentence and all that but they seem like they could benefit from the extra swear words.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:09:06

How have you not just told them to leave you alone/stop asking so many questions/stop essentially stalking you/fuck off?! They're acting like crazy people and it's really not normal! Good on you for lying about your due date.
I'm honestly baffled at how... bizarre the whole lot of them were!

HappyFlappy Thu 27-Apr-17 10:11:45

WHAT!!!

Both families are being intrusive. Tell them nothing!!!!!

And if you decide to have a third child, don't even mention that you are pregnant until you take the new baby round to them to show of the pram.

Twonks! angry

HappyFlappy Thu 27-Apr-17 10:12:14

Starry

grin

RuskBaby Thu 27-Apr-17 10:12:21

If we are lucky enough I will actively lie! Do it.

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