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Going away with a friend - WWYD

(44 Posts)
GandolfBold Thu 27-Apr-17 09:43:55

So I am going away with a friend for a city break in a couple of weeks. She is my oldest friend and we get on brilliantly. However we have one issue which is difficult and I don't know what to do.

Last year when we went away, she was adamant that she wanted to go clubbing, which I did not want to do. I don't drink so its not very fun for me, and I just don't like that kind of atmosphere. In the end she didn't go but became a bit sulky about it.

She has already mentioned this year that she definitely wants to go out to a club, and I am already feeling my heckles rise. I don't want to go, I really don't. However I don't know if I should let her go on her own, in a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language and doesn't know the city.

For context, last year there were places I wanted to go to which she didn't, so I went on my own. Although that was in the day.

happypoobum Thu 27-Apr-17 09:46:16

Well I am not really sure why you didn't discuss this before you booked another break with her considering the sulking last time?

I would either sukc it up, or tell her beforehand that you won't be clubbing so she needs to bear this in mind.

It doesn't really sound like you are a good match holiday wise.

user1483387154 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:47:55

You are adults, if she wants to go clubbing then she can go on her own.

KinkyAfro Thu 27-Apr-17 09:48:23

if I should let her go you're not her mum, she can go if she wants and you need to make it clear that you won't be. This is really something you should have discussed before booking the trip though

Turneeps Thu 27-Apr-17 09:51:41

She can go on her own surely.

Bluntness100 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:53:22

I'd go with her as you are friends, I think that's what friendship is and she should come with you to uour places.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 09:55:05

Just go and offer to hold her bag like a true friend would!
Then drag her to your choice of venue the next day when she is nice and hungover. grin

Sleepdeprivedredhead Thu 27-Apr-17 09:55:14

I hate clubbing. But there's give and take surely. Couldn't you bring youself to do something she likes or is it only about what you enjoy?

BaronessBomburst Thu 27-Apr-17 09:55:38

I'd go with her. It'll only be one night and you didn't go last year, so go with her this year seeing as it's something she wants to do so much.
BTW I hate clubbing too.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:58:06

She's an adult if she wants to go clubbing she can, it's not really up to you to allow her to go. You however don't have to go alone if you don't want.

Have you ever thought maybe the two of you are different people that want to do very different things when away and therefore maybe shouldn't be going away together. Surely the point of going away with a friend for is you do the same things? Sometimes that might even be an activity you wouldn't necessarily choose

NerrSnerr Thu 27-Apr-17 10:11:41

I'd go with her, holidays with friends are about hive and take.

NerrSnerr Thu 27-Apr-17 10:12:00

Give and take!

GandolfBold Thu 27-Apr-17 10:13:34

I cant drag her out as she just wont come, as I said. Last year she stayed in the hotel rather than coming out to the places I wanted to go to.

I know I should probably go with her.

happypoobum Thu 27-Apr-17 10:15:46

I dunno though - if she refuses to come with you then I wouldn't go with her either. As I said before, you sound like rather unlikely holiday mates grin

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 27-Apr-17 10:17:08

Can't you negotiate? We do x one day, which you like doing and y the other day, which I like doing. Even my 8 year old does this and if neither of you can, why would you go on holiday together?

InvisibleAt53 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:06

I went on holiday with a good friend once and she had just found a boyfriend right before our holiday. She wanted to be in bed by 8pm every night, wouldn't engage in conversation with anyone of the opposite sex and turned into Mother Teresa right before my very eyes. If I were to do the friend holiday again, I'd definitely say "if there's anything you want to do, don't think you'll offend me by going off on your own and I'll do the same".

GandolfBold Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:51

We really are not incompatible, we get on really well and do love the same things mostly. We have a great time for 90% of the days that we are away, its just we are both skinflints, so she doesn't want to pay for a boring museum and I don't want to pay to go clubbing.

DirtyChaiLatte Thu 27-Apr-17 10:20:59

I think compromise is the key here. You tell her you'll go out with her if she'll then do stuff with you that you want to do.

I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a friend go out on her own at night in an unknown city.

Ethylred Thu 27-Apr-17 10:21:49

Shouldn't you be in school?

BarbaraofSeville Thu 27-Apr-17 10:22:34

If she won't do a thing with you that she doesn't want to do, I don't see why you should go clubbing with her if you really hate it.

But how do you 'get on brilliantly' if you don't like the same things confused.

If you're that worried about her safety that you feel obliged to chaperone her, I suppose you could put up with doing it once as long as she pays entry and most of the drinks. If it's an Ibiza superclub or something, I wouldn't want to spend a fortune on entry and drinks for something I'd really hate just to please a friend.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 27-Apr-17 10:23:04

Do you find it a joy to go on holiday with a skinflint? Clubbing is going to set you back £30 tops if you are careful surely? I'd have thought your friendship was worth that, isn't it?!

RosesShouldBeInTins Thu 27-Apr-17 10:24:21

I can see why people are saying you should go clubbing to keep your friend company....but as a fellow clubbing hater, I don't think going is a good idea. Clubbing is meant to be fun...and lively...and exciting. But if you're really not feeling it, it won't be those things for either of you! I wouldn't be able to stop my miserable face doing miserable things.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 27-Apr-17 10:24:23

Shouldn't you be in school

Primary school, I believe. As I said, my 8 year old can manage this.

SapphireStrange Thu 27-Apr-17 10:25:39

But how do you 'get on brilliantly' if you don't like the same things

The OP says they love the same things mostly, 90% of the time.

I did this a while ago except I was the clubber. My friend had dinner in a relaxed cafe by herself, then went back to the hotel to write postcards and read. Next day we had breakfast and told each other how our nights had been. It was totally fine, and we weren't even the closest of friends.

EssentialHummus Thu 27-Apr-17 10:29:24

Just do your own thing sometimes - she goes clubbing one or two nights, you do what you want. I've resorted to this with DH, too. Works fine.

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