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To ask how you make new friends as an adult?

(18 Posts)
FriendshipHurts Wed 26-Apr-17 13:43:30

I recently lost my best friend of 20 years.
It did and still does hurt a lot. But it has made me stop and think about the people in my life.

I only have 3 people I call friends and I'm not particularly very close to them and all of whom I don't see often at all, 2 of them I may see 2 or 3 times a year due to living far apart.

The other one lives closer but still only see maybe once a month at most, these are all old friends that I've had 15+ years so I met them as a teen / child.

I can't remember the last time I made a real friend, maybe I've been too reserved but I find it very difficult to make friends, I've been hurt a lot and find it hard to trust people.

I've been quite lonely lately and would love to make new friends but how...

How do you make new friends as a grown up?!

UppityHumpty Wed 26-Apr-17 13:52:29

Meetup is good.
Classes, rock climbing, hiking etc

LauraChant Wed 26-Apr-17 13:56:30

Well I moved house some years ago and had to make new friends. Do you have DC, as many of mine were made that way?

When I moved here I went to loads and loads of different toddler groups, most of them I didn't click with anyone there but one I met someone who seemed very nice. I then met her at another group, and we went round each other's houses a bit but it fizzled out as she moved away.

I also looked up details for the local NCT and contacted them, they ran a rota of coffee mornings at different people's houses and I met lots of people through that.

I joined a book group which a few of the NCT mums were members of and made more friends through that.

I got back in touch with people from my school (I went to school in this area) who I had not been friends with at school (some I had probably said less than two words to) but happened to still live in the area and we re-connected.

When DC went to nursery I made friends with the parents of their friends, ditto with school, usually through birthday parties.

Also made friends with our opposite neighbour, through seeing them out and about.

I joined a creative writing group and met people through that.

So it was mainly through the DC basically, apart from the writing group, I am sure it is much more difficult otherwise. I have met people at work as well of course.

I hope that was vaguely helpful and didn't come across as lalala I've got loads of friends. When we first moved here I cried after one particular toddler group where nobody chatted to me, but I got there in the end.

MrsExpo Wed 26-Apr-17 14:03:25

I joined a local camera club <<insert club relating to anything you're interested in>> and go there pretty much every week. It gives me a social outlet and somewhere I can go alone. Have you though of volunteering if you have time, community groups to meet local people? It's a tough one.

I'm married but my DH is very reclusive and unsociable, so, whilst we live together, we rarely go anywhere together.

Cornettoninja Wed 26-Apr-17 14:03:43

It's horrendously difficult as an adult but not impossible. The whole 'fake it till you make it' mentality has to kick in and you have to force yourself to be more forward than you would possibly normally be. And develop a confidence that you don't have to like everyone and not everyone has to like you, and that's ok smile

First step is putting yourself in situations to meet more people, classes, volunteering, attending local events that catch your eye. Go to things that interest you and you will have done something you enjoy with a possible bonus of new friendships.

Snotgobbler99 Wed 26-Apr-17 14:09:33

Tango lessons.

Meet nice people, have a nice hug.

user1487175389 Wed 26-Apr-17 14:11:39

I'd like to know this too. My first and only experience of Meetup led to getting stalked by this deranged woman, and completely put me off. Not fair because there were some nice normal people there too.

BeMorePanda Wed 26-Apr-17 14:12:54

One through school - slowly growing. I'm not a natural "make friends with all the Mum's because we are all Mum's" person, but this woman stood out and we have slowly developed a friendship.

Volunteering - I met some wonderful people.

Frizziee Wed 26-Apr-17 14:16:52

I find this very hard also. I've been forcing myself to go to antenatal exercise classes to meet new mums to be and feel like I am an open person who would talk to anyone about anything. But one class in particular I can barely get a smile or a hello out of anyone and we all sit there in awkward silence for the teacher to start. Better experiences in other classes though so my point is, don't give up on first try! I second fake it till you make it. My next hurdle is how do you move on to meeting up outside of classes?!

Doje Wed 26-Apr-17 14:22:38

Volunteering is a good one. I volunteered at a playgroup and met some nice people.

I also started playing netball (any other club or sort will do!) I did find the friendliness happened when we started socialising too - someone organised a pub night out.

Be bold!! I responded to a mum on a Facebook group who posted "I'm always free for a coffee after school drop off. Anyone else want to meet?". You could be the one to post that, or just be bold enough to go along and meet a stranger. I've met some really good people through that one move! I think it especially works because you're meeting other people that also need friends.

OftheUppahUplands Wed 26-Apr-17 14:26:32

Volunteering, I made lots of lovely friends when we moved here and I got in touch with a local Brownie unit about helping out.

amusedbush Wed 26-Apr-17 14:30:57

I moved to a new city 3.5 years ago, not too far to visit old friends but too far to "pop in". I felt quite lonely as I'd been used to seeing friends 2-3 times a week after work so I joined a book group, which I enjoy. Then a new woman started working on the same floor at work maybe a year ago and after some hilarity while making cups of tea in the shared kitchen, I nervously emailed to ask her if she wanted to grab coffee. We're now firm friends and meet up every week or two smile

harderandharder2breathe Wed 26-Apr-17 14:36:34

Through work

Through a hobby

Through volunteering

I moved away from my hometown and the town where I went to university so don't have those old friendships to fall back on.

My best friend I met at work. I used to do a hobby and made some great friends through that and also got to travel around the country a bit. And now I no longer do the hobby but volunteer in Girl Guiding so meet lots of lovely people through that and again have travelled around the country as I attend jamborees as staff so meet new people there.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Apr-17 14:40:24

Most of mine are through work.
I'd say I have 4 close friends.
1 from a job many moons ago but we still see each other when we can.
2 from a job that I left about 10 years ago. Although we've all moved around a bit we still see each other.
And the 4th is my sister!
Another who I see maybe once every 6 months is an old school friend.

I 'know' a lot of people but they aren't good friends.
They are few and far between as far as I'm concerned.

Eatingcheeseontoast Wed 26-Apr-17 14:42:07

When I first moved to where I now live I knew nobody apart from the people I worked with.

I started going to a climbing wall on beginners evening (got fit and made friends), joined a tennis group - it was an adult improvers night and met some really good friends and a photography night class that always went down the pub afterwards.

I know feel like I've lost the knack and need to get out there again and widen my social circle. I feel a bit old now - but the people I met before were all ages and had kids and no kids etc - so I know it can be done!

kneesupfatty Wed 26-Apr-17 15:06:43

I've been thinking about this a lot recently as will be moving to a different country this summer and so will have to make a whole new group of friends! All of my good friends are people that I've worked with over the years or people who I've met through a common acquaintance - I won't be working and will only know dh and ds, so it's quite daunting!
The club idea is a good one: I'm hoping to find a running club and maybe a salsa group or choir.
I do think that more people are looking to make new friends than we probably all realise - it just takes one person to be the bold one!

heron98 Wed 26-Apr-17 15:50:12

I do a lot of mountain biking and have met all of my friends as an adult through that. I now have loads and a really good network of people to hang out with outside of the sport. You need to join a "scene" as it were.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic Wed 26-Apr-17 16:15:01

I agree with some kind of activity be it a club/ hobby/ volunteering.

Most of my friends have been made that way, both a good surviving group of uni friends many years on, and my more recent local friends.

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