Ex and I separated about 18 months ago, and I finally moved out with the children (11 and 7 now) a year ago into my own home. This was made possible thanks to my dad who gave me the money to buy my home outright with inheritance from my mum who died two years previously (lack of emotional support following my mums death is one of many reason I opted to leave ex).
Sadly my dad died in August, and my sister and I have sold his and mums house now. We are very lucky to have been left a sizeable inheritance., though obviously I would live in a shed to have my parents back.
I have already given ex a sum of £5k to clear his car finance and renew furniture in the room the children share at his (formerly our) home. There are other things that need doing, about 10k worth in total, and I had offered him the money to do these jobs.
Ex has recently started dating a new girlfriend. His previous GF was lovely, I liked her and she was kind to my kids and I was sad when they split. She even came to my dads funeral to support ex and I asked her to join us in the family pews as ex was a pallbearer. Just adding this for background to demonstrate that I don't have general issues with his new partners.
New GF however, is completely unstable. She hates me (we have never met) is jealous of the fact that ex and had a friendly co parenting relationship, by his own admission she throws tantrums whenever he mentions me. She had a hissy fit when I commented on a post in his Facebook wall and has now blocked me as seeing us interact is traumatic. She broke up with him over these jealousy issues, self harmed in his house then drove off under the influence of +++alcohol with him warning me to move my car in case she ram raided it on her way past my home. All this is now conveniently forgotten and he is well and truly under her spell. He has now informed me that I am controlling and manipulative, that I am trying to control him with the offer of money and SHE (GF) will not accept it.
For context, even when married we maintained separate finances, I paid for about £20k of improvements to his house already with an inheritance from my grandfather some years ago, my parents paid for a new bathroom a few years ago as a gift, as well as a new front door, improvements to the kitchen etc, so I have sunk a fair bit of money into the property, but I am happy to walk away and make no claim on it. Also, he does not pay any maintenance for the children, by mutual agreement.
I have now made an appointment with a solicitor - I'm sad about this as we had said we would sort things out without involving them - but I'm concerned by how she seems to dictating things to him and think I need some legal support to protect myself and the kids. I intend to file for divorce, and request a clean break order financially, as well as looking at a child arrangement order that outlines that the children reside with me.
He has now relented and said that he will speak to GF about accepting the money - at this stage am I U to tell him to fuck the fuck off? They've been together less than 3 months and she appears to be angling to move in and I'm not keen to fund housing improvements if she could subsequently try to make a claim on the property. I never had any intention of trying to control him with money, I was just trying to be kind and fair, but now I am pissed off.
WWYD?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
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AIBU?
To retract this offer to STBXH?
55 replies
Welshmaenad · 25/04/2017 21:19
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