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To wonder why women are constantly told that we need to take responsibility for our personal safety, need to keep ourselves safe, etc

(16 Posts)
IWillAlwaysListen Tue 25-Apr-17 18:51:43

but when we actually do take steps to keep ourselves safe we are accused of being paranoid and accusing all men of being rapists and predators?

That doesn't make sense to me. People can't have it both ways.

NellieFiveBellies Tue 25-Apr-17 18:55:31

yup.
and you are wrong if you are a sahm and wrong if you work.
wrong if you wear make up and wrong if you dont
etc etc etc

basically as long as you're a woman you can do fuck all right. someone will always have a pop.

Trifleorbust Tue 25-Apr-17 18:58:42

A woman's place is in the wrong.

VestalVirgin Tue 25-Apr-17 18:58:50

People can't have it both ways.

We live under a patriarchy. Men can have it both ways.

But yeah, it makes me angry, too.

I opt for keeping myself safe and deal with the accusations of being paranoid rather than the other way round.

It is easy to determine what will actually work. If men complain about it, it probably is a good idea.

(Not talking to men at 1.00 a.m. in elevators - good idea, men complain. Not drinking alcohol in male company - if there are men present who complain, good idea. Not walking home alone at night - men don't complain, probably doesn't increase safety. It works pretty well.)

StillDrivingMeBonkers Tue 25-Apr-17 18:59:04

You wouldn't leave your car unlocked in a multi storey because statistically it wont be stolen would you? Or leave your house unlocked because statistically it wont be broken into ?

Same thing. Statistically you won't meet a predator and rapist because statistically you already live with him. Food for thought. Stranger danger is very rare.

VestalVirgin Tue 25-Apr-17 19:05:52

Statistically you won't meet a predator and rapist because statistically you already live with him. Food for thought. Stranger danger is very rare.

Ah, but the man you statistically live with, and who rapes you, also was a stranger before you met him. If you had, as part of your rape prevention plan, not talked to him, then he wouldn't live with you.

I am not sure what your meaning is, but if you are intending to tell us that women should talk to random male strangers who hit on them at 3 a.m. in a lonely carpark, because stranger danger is rare, then I'll have to say that this is utter nonsense. Because of what I explained above.

Hiphopapotamus4 Tue 25-Apr-17 19:17:34

I was recently attacked by a man (a stranger) and when I reported it to the police the policeman said that perhaps he had felt threatened by me walking past him (as it happened in the dark) and he had acted in self defence.
To put it in context, I am quite young, about 5'2 and skinny and at the time was walking my tiny, fluffy puppy along a popular dog walking footpath. I also had a broken arm in a sling at the time. We are hardly an intimidating pair to come across. The man was maybe in his 40s, tall and well built, with a hoody pulled over his face and 2 large dogs (off lead). He approached me and grabbed me and when I finally managed to get free and run he sent his dogs after me who bit my leg and hand.

The police just gave me several reasons why it was my fault and their main advice was not to leave my house "without my husband" in future.
I did mention that I planned to carry a rape alarm in future and was told "there's no need, this is a safe area".

I would like to do something to change these ridiculous notions but nobody gives a shit enough to take any action. In the meantime I refuse to stop going about my daily life just because my husband isn't around to escort me, or I may get attacked again. I will do what I want to do and take the risk otherwise I end up a prisoner in my own house too scared to open the front door.

TruckThisShit Tue 25-Apr-17 19:23:43

flowers sorry to hear of your attack HipHop.

Crumbs1 Tue 25-Apr-17 19:24:47

It's wrong that people have to protect themselves ( and statistically it's young men at greatest risk). Everyone should respect others and their right to dress as they want/walk where they want at the time they want but sadly life isn't like that and some behaviours increase the actual or perceived risk.
I absolutely tell all mine to return back home with the friends they went out with, to not take all their cards and money and keys with them, to not walk alone in high risk areas but to get a taxi, to not get so drunk they are incapable of rational decisions. I think people need to plan to keep themselves safe in certain situations- I can walk around at 3am in complete darkness and be entirely safe where I live but when we go to the central Birmingham flat, I lock the door and zip my bag up. I still feel safe to walk around but know there's a higher risk of opportunistic theft.

specialsubject Tue 25-Apr-17 19:33:27

We all need to look after ourselves. Don't smoke, don't swill too much, don't overeat, move around.

Same goes for safety. Wear a seatbelt, don't wander about absorbed in your phone, don't carry a knife, don't go round with the wrong type.

But if you still end up as a victim of crime, it is not your fault. This isn't one of those countries where it would be.

AnneElliott Tue 25-Apr-17 19:35:59

Hip hop you need to complain about that officer. Seriously - that is so far out of line that he needs investigating. Happy to help you do that if you want to. You can PM me if you want more info on how to do it.

VestalVirgin Tue 25-Apr-17 19:41:45

I was recently attacked by a man (a stranger) and when I reported it to the police the policeman said that perhaps he had felt threatened by me walking past him (as it happened in the dark) and he had acted in self defence.

confused I know that armed white men in the US feel "threatened" by male black teenagers who are just minding their own business, which at least is in keeping with the stereotypes about black men.

I had no idea that there's policemen who have their heads so far up their arses that they actually believe a grown man could feel threatened by a small woman with a broken arm. confused

In this specific case, I'd try to get justice regardless. Can't believe there's many policemen who are that daft.
flowers

20nil Tue 25-Apr-17 19:45:34

Hiphop: so sorry to hear that. Shocking behaviour from the police officer.

IvankaTrudeau Tue 25-Apr-17 19:48:42

You just can't make this shit up. That's appalling HipHop sadflowers

viques Tue 25-Apr-17 19:53:50

It always strikes me as ironic that women are told that the way to keep themselves safe is to avoid going out at night, when actually the thing that would really keep women safe is if MEN were told not to go out at night...........

VestalVirgin Tue 25-Apr-17 20:15:26

It always strikes me as ironic that women are told that the way to keep themselves safe is to avoid going out at night, when actually the thing that would really keep women safe is if MEN were told not to go out at night..

It would even keep men safe, since they also commit violent crimes against each other.

Why aren't we doing this?

Would be the most sensible solution, really.

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