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To think il never have sex again?!

(112 Posts)
lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 17:04:19

Okay il admit it! I live my life on here.
Solely because I trust you all to give good & honest advice.

27 years old, have a 4 week old baby.
The birth was difficult near the end, needed a forceps delivery.

Ended with a haematoma, was also cut for the forceps.

TMI
Went to the gp to have my vagina checked out due to discharge (different colour than normal)

She decided to take swabs, used a speculum & omg the pain was horrendous! Not only did it hurt going in, it hurt whilst in & it also hurt higher up too.

Now I've had countless internals in the past & can say they haven't ever been uncomfortable let alone hurt!

I'm too tight now (I was sewn up tighter than I was previously, the consultant told me this), so that's added to the pain!

Is this it?? Is this the end of my sex life??!!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 25-Apr-17 17:09:42

Wasn't a consultant said to have claimed a fellow mner 'honeymoon fresh' the other day?
When you have healed you can claim that too. . .

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 25-Apr-17 17:12:19

4 weeks is very soon. Give yourself a chance to heal.

LewisFan Tue 25-Apr-17 17:13:14

You're 4 weeks post partum. You don't need to be thinking about sex! You'll be fine once you're healed

Me on the other hand... 14 years single and no sex that whole time... not sure when the next time will be hmm

VestalVirgin Tue 25-Apr-17 17:13:59

After the start of that story I thought you'd avoid PiV in the future because you didn't want to go to that again ... confused

Can't tell you whether you'll heal completely, no experience with this, but in case you don't ... PiV is not the only way to have sex.

SarcasmMode Tue 25-Apr-17 17:20:38

I had a second degree tear and a lot of bleeding inside me (had to get packed in theatre). My labia and Pete I took some damage too.

For a good while afterwards I was sore. I can honestly say it was better about 3 months later but not completely recovered to about a year.

Give yourself time! Sex should be the last thing on your mind with 4 week old.

Blossomdeary Tue 25-Apr-17 17:24:06

Do give it time - I was in a similar situation after first babe delivered by forceps. I went on to have two more, so something must have happened!

boodles101 Tue 25-Apr-17 17:53:45

Same experience for me too lifesjoys but I'm 10 weeks ahead of u. Things have healed alot more over the last few weeks but I still haven't been brave enough to have sex with DH. Just give yourself plenty of time to heal, there's no rush.

Eeeeek2 Tue 25-Apr-17 18:34:18

You will be ok, I had a really bad tear and felt the same but all was well fairly quickly by 12 weeks

AnUtterIdiot Tue 25-Apr-17 18:36:40

"Honeymoon fresh" = gross

LostSight Tue 25-Apr-17 18:40:04

Well I was stitched up too tight and had to have a vaginaplasty because sex was literally impossible. I think though, that you just have to wait until it's healed and see then how things are. But even if you have been stitched too tight, it can be resolved and the procedure wasn't especially painful.

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 18:48:40

Me on the other hand... 14 years single and no sex that whole time... not sure when the next time will be

shock is that because of a medical issue??

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 18:50:26

Well I was stitched up too tight and had to have a vaginaplasty because sex was literally impossible. I think though, that you just have to wait until it's healed and see then how things are. But even if you have been stitched too tight, it can be resolved and the procedure wasn't especially painful.

What did they do during the vaginaplasty??

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 18:52:33

*Wasn't a consultant said to have claimed a fellow mner 'honeymoon fresh' the other day?
When you have healed you can claim that too. . .*

What the bloody hell is "honeymoon fresh"?

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 18:53:46

After the start of that story I thought you'd avoid PiV in the future because you didn't want to go to that again ...

I'm attempting to get sterilised! I don't want to ever go through that again & secondly, I can't deal with the newborn stage.

I don't want anymore kids.

PastysPrincess Tue 25-Apr-17 19:03:33

I had a forceps/episiotomy delivery with an 11lb 9oz baby. I had a repair op less than a year later (also got the "almost good as new" from the surgeon) it did take a long time to fully heal but I did. The important thing is to take your time and seek help when you need it.

I don't want anymore children as I can't face any of it again. TBH I could quite happily never have PiV again either.

limon Tue 25-Apr-17 19:36:49

It takes a while to heal after a forceps birth and tear. My first smear was hideous and they used what they called a "baby speculum". In the end the physio stretched my vagina.

UnbornMortificado Tue 25-Apr-17 19:49:33

Give yourself a break it's only been 4 weeks.

I had a cervical stitch last month and that was bad enough.

I'm never having sex again, I should probably tell DH (best add a lighthearted disclaimer just in case)

I well believe the "honeymoon" comment, on discharge the surgeon told DH sex was off limits for two weeks hmm could of sworn I had some say in the matter...

Cutesbabasmummy Tue 25-Apr-17 19:49:40

I got sewn up too tightly too, so much so that my tear and episiotomy didn't heal fur 6 months. I do have internal pain still (DS is 2 now) and gynaecology have said it's my pelvic floor in spasm. I'm awaiting more physio and have an anaesthetic gel. I still have sex with dh and enjoy it but no more babies! Luckily we only wanted one!

Crispbutty Tue 25-Apr-17 19:52:07

"My labia and Pete I took some damage too."

Poor Pete grin... sorry blush

MatildaTheCat Tue 25-Apr-17 20:27:27

Don't panic, 4 weeks post partum is nithing at all especially after such a traumatic delivery. You almost certainly will be fine and heal well but the bruising and healing could take around three months. I would actually be reassured that your GP was able to use a speculum even though it must have felt horrid.

The vagina is very forgiving and elastic. After birth few women are exactly the same but most go on to have perfectly satisfying and pleasurable sex lives. Take it very slowly when you feel ready and see how it goes.

I'm sure such a difficult delivery hasn't helped with the newborn stage, I hope you start to enjoy it all a bit more soon. It's certainly not the version that the magazines show for most women. flowers

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 22:25:00

If I had known all of this could have happened I honestly believe I wouldn't have gone through with it!

It's horrendous! I feel butchered.

I don't even feel like a woman or even a person anymore it's bloody horrible.

dementedma Tue 25-Apr-17 22:28:59

When I read these threads I feel grateful for my 3 C's even though i have a scar and overhang!

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 22:54:16

When I read these threads I feel grateful for my 3 C's even though i have a scar and overhang!

What you mean??

lifesjoys Tue 25-Apr-17 22:58:30

I'm going to assume you mean I should just be grateful for my son & embrace my butchered vagina?

Every time I piss myself, I should remind myself how lucky I am??

Every time I shit myself, I should be grateful

Every time I wipe myself after a wee & it stings, I should smile

Every time I have sex in future, I should just be so very happy for my son

I didn't get the memo that said when you become a mother, you have to accept pain & suffering for the rest of your life & should be grateful for it.

I'm 27 years old, I am too young to be shitting & pissing myself.
I am too young to be giving up sex
I am human, I shouldn't have to just put up with pain.

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