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About this party?

(69 Posts)
partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:05:44

NC for this as pretty identifying...(long too, sorry)

FIL has a big birthday coming up. MIL and FIL are moving soon and in the initial party planning stages MIL was unsure whether they could host as their house might be unsuitable at the time, so she asked if they could have it at ours. I said that would be great as we have a young DC and our dog has just had puppies, so it would be quite difficult for us to attend otherwise (I actually said this to her). There was some further discussion around having it at ours, dates (the 'better' weekend when puppies would have gone to new homes clashing with their other commitments, so settling on a weekend when I will have seven week old puppies and an unrelated pre arranged houseguest) using their gazebo, etc, and then I didn't hear anything else.

Last week I overheard some chat about checking whether the gazebo had all it's bits, assumed MIL was gearing for set up, and got DH to ask her if she needed us to go get the gazebo. The reply was that she has decided to probably have it at theirs because of the number of people coming.

Obviously I was like 'erm, what are we going to do about the puppies', which I happened to mention to SIL, who was like 'yeah, we should ask my friend who you've met a handful of times to puppy sit, because she likes dogs'. Ok, not really comfortable with that, but willing to have a chat with her should the need arise and see if it's feasible.

So today I'm at SILs and MIL emails her the invites to check over, for the party, at MILs, at 7pm on the Saturday, they've been planning it together.

DH's family are pretty bad at communicating, so I'm not surprised at the round about way I've found out she no longer wants to have it here, but AIBU to be a tiny bit annoyed? There is backstory here that MIL and SIL are understandably close and that we've gone from seeing PIL a lot since our DC was born to less and less as SILs baby nears it's arrival date - so I'm maybe feeling a tiny bit sidelined (my own family live far away, and tbh aren't that close)

The proper AIBU though. 7pm is DC's bedtime. They know this, they know DC is currently breastfed to sleep, there has been zero communication about whether this is feasible for us. SIL is just like 'oh, well they can set a cot up in the smallest room and your DC can sleep in there' like it's the easiest thing ever to change an under 1's sleeping regime and then wake them up at like midnight or whatever to take them home. We have had multiple occasions where we've kept DC out past 7pm at their house because dinner has run late and they nearly always scream all the way home in the car.

SIL made it pretty clear that if we don't got I'll be the evil DIL who ruined the party, and that the only other option was that DH attends with DC while I stay home with the dogs, I assume in this scenario DC is going to stay awake until they start screaming at which point DH will have a 45 minute drive with them.

So AIBU to have expected our situation to be considered during party planning if it's imperative that we attend?

Chloe84 Tue 25-Apr-17 16:12:54

I think YABU. It's one night and SIL has found you a pet sitter. The children and you can cope for one night.

When is the party?

Sirzy Tue 25-Apr-17 16:14:58

They should have told you the plans had changed but otherwise yabu.

It's about them not you at the end of the day and given you live 45 mins from them even that would suggest it's not ideal. Surely hosting a party with puppies in the house is less than ideal too? Doesn't seem very fair on the Mum or pups!

MrsELM21 Tue 25-Apr-17 16:16:40

Considered, yes, but I don't think they can plan a whole party around you and your DC's/puppies. how many people are going?

HallowedMimic Tue 25-Apr-17 16:17:45

You can't expect anyone to arrange a party around a baby's bedtime.

One nights disrupted routine won't matter at all. Perhaps the family think you will use a babysitter?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 25-Apr-17 16:20:51

Can the friend not baby sit and dog sit and you go when dc is in bed?

Amaried Tue 25-Apr-17 16:21:20

Honestly she is looking to have the party at 7pm not 3am!, you thinking she should reschedule the whole thing for one baby's bedtime is a bit nuts.

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:22:46

I'd say 'suggested' rather than 'found' a pet sitter. I think it's a lot to ask someone who just 'likes dogs' to sit seven of them, six of them in the first weeks of housetraining, on a Saturday night, but yeah, I will be much happier about it if the petsitter pans out, it's more the alternative plan that has my back up.

Maybe I'm PFB but I really don't like doing things that I know will upset DC to the point they have to cry in a carseat for up to 45 minutes, especially if I can't even be there to try to comfort them.

Party is in 3ish weeks.

jarhead123 Tue 25-Apr-17 16:23:52

They should have told you they didn't need your house anymore, that was rude.

But the timing etc is fine, it's one night. Your child will cope x

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:26:26

Lots of x posts.

Ok, looks like I'm being massively PFB.

I didn't expect them to arrange the party around me or the baby, it's more that the baby's presence is required past their bedtime.

Anyone I would leave my 7 month old with will be at the party anyway.

I'd be totally happy to stay home with the dogs and the baby while DH went.

rookiemere Tue 25-Apr-17 16:30:02


7pm is a perfectly reasonable time to hold a party.

If it's too much for you and the DCs routine, then perhaps you should stay at home and let DH attend.

user1493022461 Tue 25-Apr-17 16:31:25

Maybe I'm PFB but I really don't like doing things that I know will upset DC to the point they have to cry in a carseat for up to 45 minutes

Like many parents you have this backwards. The reason they cry for so long in the car is that you have enforced a strict regime and they are now completely unable to be flexible for events like this. It's not good for children, and not for families.

2014newme Tue 25-Apr-17 16:31:30

Get a petsitter. Take the baby. One later night won't hurt, take a travel cot.

The world won't organise parties around your dog's and baby.

Reow Tue 25-Apr-17 16:31:37

Inconvenient for you, and they should have politely notified you that they no longer needed the use of your house, but were you expecting them to arrange a big 70th party (or whatever birthday) at a time and date convenient for your puppies?

I'm guessing there will be a large-ish number of people at the party? They can't check with every person that it is convenient?

You said the 'better' weekend when puppies would have gone to new homes clashing with their other commitments. Should they cancel their other commitments because of your puppies?

How far away are they? Can the puppies not be babysat for one evening?

Lovewineandchocs Tue 25-Apr-17 16:31:57

I'd be totally happy to stay home with the dogs and the baby while DH went

I would just do that, then. Ignore anyone's protests about the baby not going to the party-a 7 month old's presence is not required.

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:32:19


I agree party at ours not ideal with puppies, but they will be weaned and almost ready for new homes by then, so figured they'd be ok.

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:34:54


I haven't enforced anything, DC goes to sleep when they're tired. This is just what happens when we keep them out late.

honeylulu Tue 25-Apr-17 16:35:09

I think she's very rude and thoughtless how she's gone about it.
I think you are a wee bit unreasonable about the dogs and kids.
Dog sitter sorted.
Can you let your children have a long afternoon nap so they can keep going for longer in the evening? This is what we've always done with ours.
If they are miz and struggle to cope then leave early. If that pisses your MIL off then tough. Despite what I've said above if the host intends a party to be family friendly it should really start closer to 5ish.

minisoksmakehardwork Tue 25-Apr-17 16:36:02

YABU in that a baby is infinitely portable at that age, and bedtimes can be more flexible.

But your il's are rude to have not told you they had changed the venue.

Sil may feel differently in similar circumstances when her own baby arrives, but until you have kids you really don't understand how stupid some of the things you believe as a non-parent.

Pancakeflipper Tue 25-Apr-17 16:36:26

You can't guarantee your DC will scream all the way home. They might drift back off to sleep. Could you feed them before you head off to the car?
But you could take your ear plugs in case and grit your teeth.

I know it's a pain if you've got your baby into a sleep routine but it's a one off.
Don't try to put blocks in the way, try to find a way round it.

Though they should have told you the venue had changed.

What's your DH say about it?

firawla Tue 25-Apr-17 16:37:17

Could you stay over with dc to avoid the waking them and car seat crying issue? Or is that a total no go cos of the puppies?

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:39:17

Staying over is an no-go because (puppies aside) house is full up with other guests.

rookiemere Tue 25-Apr-17 16:40:37

So just don't go and stay at home with the DCs and puppies.

Yes they'd rather have their GC there, but I guess by now they've realized that you have a lot on your plate so present it as a fait accompli and there we go. Everyone as happy as they can be.

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:51:04


Baby will possibly feed to sleep and be fine in the carseat if I'm there, but if DH has to bottle feed it's very unlikely. He could possibly wait until DC falls asleep from sheer exhaustion at about and come home then, hoping they don't wake up on the way.

The more I calm down the more I think it will probably be ok-ish if I'm there, and I can deal with the wakings and crying. I'm still not happy for DC to go without me if petsitter doesn't pan out, and before anyone suggests it, no, I'm not going to spend the next three weeks weaning to formula and sleep training so baby can go to a party without me.

partyunplanner Tue 25-Apr-17 16:55:23

Haven't spoken to DH yet, he's probably going to be more hmm about the dog sitter, than anything else, the dog is his first baby!

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