AIBU to just want to be left alone!(10 Posts)
I am fully prepared to accept that perhaps I'm being unreasonable but am fed up and wanted to vent.
I have a 12 week old son that I have really been struggling with naps since he was about a month old. I seem to spend all my days trying to help him go to sleep or reading/ coming on Mumsnet to try and find the answers!!
My mother in law recently gave up work and as a result has been coming round every day to help out and tidy the garden. I am super grateful for the offer of help but was getting it slowly sorted by myself during the times I have chance. I don't expect her to give up all her days to do our garden for us. My other half works six days a week so rarely gets time to help out with DIY.
As I said, she has been coming round every single day and while she is here she always wants to play with the baby and gives me her opinions on what I should be doing. An example is her telling me not to bother trying to get him to nap, he will go to sleep if he's tired!
I know she means well and is a very kind woman but does tend to take over and it's starting to grate on me. She also brings her very yappy dog with her when she comes round and he is forever barking.
Today, I've kind of reached my limit. I had been out with the pram for a bout an hour and had finally got the baby to sleep and arrived home to find her there. Her dog went mad and she started chatting at me and woke the baby up.
I just feel like my home isn't my own and that I have to go out in order to get my baby to sleep. I feel awful for resenting her being here but I just want to be let alone so I can try and get into some routine with my baby without her input.
I feel really mean but I just want to be left alone!
She needs to find a hobby.
Your DH needs to have a word if you don't feel happy to do so.
Oh my god. You must be a saint.
Have a cup of tea. Calm down a bit. Write down what you want to say and talk to her. She probably thinks she is helping but it's too much.
You need to be upfront. She sounds nice enough just say you really need some time to yourself and could she maybe just come a couple of days a week. Will probably be nicer coming from you than your partner.
I spoke to my other half and he just told me he was busy at work and that he agreed with me that she is here too much. He told me to ask her to leave but I really don't want to upset her!
He is super laid back and probably thinks I'm moaning for the sake of it.
I sypathise as my DH's family were similar after my DC were born and sometimes it was too much. Can you think of practial things she could do to help you? Eg could she take the baby out a walk in the pram to let you rest or do things in the house? Or could you give her some set days to come so that you at least know when she is coming. Is there something she could do that would be more helpful like ironing? People mean to be helpful and she probably does want to help you. In the case of the dog if it was noisy I would just nicely mention that too her and maybe ask if sometimes she would mind not bringing it - just while you are getting baby into a sleep routine xxxx
Sit down with a cup of tea and tell her you really appreciate her but need space and could she come around on x day(s) not everyday as she reallly shouldn't be spending all her free time doing chores at your house.
If that doesn't work get your DH to tell her.
Hope you're able to sort naps out, lack of sleep is horrendous.
Oh gosh, that's quite a predicament. I would really hate this. I think you're going to have to say that you are only up for visits on X & Y days, because you are trying to establish a napping routine, and need the house to be quiet.
You have to tell her.
I'd say something like 'MIL, we're really grateful for all your help but at 12 weeks I really think it's time to get the baby in a routine, I think the best way to do this is have a week (or whatever) without any distractions so we can work it our together. So if you could limit visit to social ones on x days between x hours for the next little while I would really appreciate it.'
Thanks for all your suggestions. She has gone for the day now but think tomorrow I will make her a cake and a cup of coffee and have a gentle chat with her. I do want her to see the baby as much as she likes but it's jut been full on having her and her doggy here all day.
She is a lovely lady though and I appreciate her and definitely don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel unwelcome.
I think I'm just a bit sensitive at the moment and have also been diagnosed with PND. Don't think the citalopram has kicked in yet!
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