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To wonder if my son has a behaviour issue?

(6 Posts)
Littleredhouse Tue 25-Apr-17 10:21:36

I've been unsure about my 5 year old's behaviour for a while...whether it's just normal 5 year old stuff or something more.

He's very boisterous at times and hard to get through to when he's having one of those moments.

He loves school but has had some behaviour problems (hitting other children, being silly which results in other children being hurt, not listening to the teacher or doing as he's told). This bad behaviour doesn't happen all the time - he can go for several weeks where he'll be fine, but then there will be a spate of naughty incidents.

At nursery it was a similar story, and they had the senco look at him a couple of times but she never found any issues.

We've spoken to the teacher about whether she thinks he needs to be seen by a senco and she said no, so that was reassuring for a bit, but now I'm worrying about it again!

At home, he can be hard work: attention-seeking and boisterous; sometimes too rough with his little brother as he knows that gets him attention. However, other times he can be calm and focussed on a task he's enjoying like reading to us, drawing etc.

The main thing that troubles me is that he gets so over-stimulated. I can see it happening at social gatherings so can intervene before he does something silly and impulsive (normally I tell him quietly to go up to his room to calm down and that seems to work quite well as he hates missing out on the action and it snaps him out of it). He just doesn't often think before he acts. I know he's only 5 but shouldn't he be more aware of how his actions impact other people by now?

AIBU to think he has a behaviour problem, such as ADHD? My husband is keen not to jump to conclusions and thinks it's just immaturity.

user1491572121 Tue 25-Apr-17 10:50:55

It just sounds like poor impulse control to me OP...which is partly a maturity issue and part luck! Some children develop their impulse control younger...others don't. Like walking, talking or reading.

Help him by encouraging him to name his feelings. Then he will be able to notice his over-excited feelings before they cause him trouble...so when he's happy, mention it...ask him "Do you feel happy?" and he'll hopefully say yes and discuss it...same with sad, lonely, left out, jealous, excited, scared...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Tue 25-Apr-17 11:20:39

Sounds normal to me.

We had a problem with a child in my DS' class (reception) he is much bigger than my boy and the play fighting was too much. Teacher dealt with it, the mum dealt with it, everything's fine.

He's little, still learning, so I think so long as you are impressing upon him the importance of having kind hands (I think that's the word they use at school) then he'll grow out of it.

LadyPW Tue 25-Apr-17 14:02:17

Totally normal.

Witchend Tue 25-Apr-17 14:36:50

It sounds very similar to my ds-who also has severe glue ear.

He's 9yo and I still have times when I wonder if I should have/should be pursuing whether he has SEN, but they're few and far between now.
He has definitely improved a lot. I remember the triumph I felt when in year 3 (separate juniors) parents' evening I asked his teacher if there were any behavioural concerns and she answered "no" with a confused look.
We haven't had any (crosses fingers and touches wood) major issues since infants now.

It's more his other quirks now that make me wonder. He does have some sensory issues, not many, but if you saw him near sand you'd understand! He's still at the wrigglier end of the class-but the leavers show in year 2 was the first time I saw him in a show where he didn't stand out as the wriggliest. He does still get over-stimulated, but is much better at self regulating and will remove himself.
But behaviourally, he's nothing like that year R boy.

Littleredhouse Tue 25-Apr-17 21:10:07

Thanks for the replies. That's reassuring that your son is kind of growing out of this behaviour Witchend. It feels exhausting at times as I always have to monitor him at parties and friends' houses; at a time where a lot of parents can leave them to their own devices a bit more.

That's a good suggestion User - we probably don't do that enough so will make a concerted effort to talk about that with him.

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