to think she is being unreasonable?(17 Posts)
I'll try to keep this short - a few months back one of the mums at my sons pre-school (age 3) left her mobile number in my sons drawer for me to contact her as she wanted to arrange play dates with our 2 boys due to them being quite friendly at nursery. I didn't have chance to speak with her for a few days due to being away with work and received an email from the preschool manager advising that the mum had approached her to chase me up and reply to her (as I'm really anti-social I was a little uncomfortable at this but forced myself to send a text asking if she would like to arrange something).
We agreed to meet with another friend of mine and her son at a local soft play area (her suggestion was to send the children to her house and me and my friend leave them there for the day - obviously we declined given I'd yet to actually have more than polite chit chat at the school gates with her). We went and had a pleasant afternoon and she was being extremely pushy about how we should definitely encourage the friendships between the children and she would love to have them all over at her house to play - over the following weeks she kept asking when I was going to allow my son to go round to their house as she was keen to spend more time with him as he is her sons best friend (again, the boys are only 3). She also sought out my friend online and began to bombard her with similar messages and things became quite tense after neither of us had responded to one of her (many) messages for over an hour and she began to send very passive aggressive messages to us both asking why we didn't like her!
Fast forward a couple of months and despite being rude to us both at nursery (barging us out of the way, point blank ignoring any attempts at conversations etc) things seemed to have simmered down and she has a new "best friend". However today I have been advised by nursery staff that she had requested a list of her sons friends for a birthday party and when she saw my sons name she immediately told the staff she has been actively trying to discourage her son from playing with or talking about mine as she would rather he had different friends because her son gets clingy and obsessive (this has been broached before due to him following my child everywhere including the toilet and hitting and pushing any other child that tries to play with them). She has now asked the staff to keep the boys apart as her son needs a new best friend and he won't want one if he has the option of playing with mine 🙄
Is she punishing my child for my lack of social skills or is she being unreasonable/odd?! I don't know whether her initial over enthusiasm has clouded my judgement or if she really was too full on and her subsequent behaviour is just strange!!!
Apologies - not short at all
Child is mirroring it's mother. Kids will choose their mates and at three, it is a moveable feast! Ignore her rude behaviour and laugh it off. She sounds needy and controlling. Nursery will probably leave the kids as they are as what the eye doesn't see and all that.......boy, she is in for a shock when the kids start primary school!
I don't think it's anything to do with your social skills-she seems very pushy and desperate for her son to have friends-her wanting your kids to go to her house without you indicates that she's more interested in micro-managing her son's social life. I'd steer clear-the pre-school staff will keep an eye, I'm sure. As long as her son isn't bullying or actively excluding your DC, you may have dodged a bullet by not responding to her pushiness!
Thanks - I was worrying that I'd been awful by not pandering to her constant requests but I wouldn't have felt right leaving my son in the care of someone else who I don't know! Thankfully I know the staff at the nursery very well and they had noticed a distinct "frostiness" but have said they will not intervene with any of the kids friendships unless there is an issue such as bullying - I suppose I'm quite surprised
In that I wasn't expecting these type of issues at this age, I would have thought I'd get at least halfway through primary school
Yikes! Stay well away from her. She's nuts. She's way too needy and pushy. You definitely don't want her in your life long term (or even short term).
Wow! Just wow- as pp say she is in for a school at primary school and I would be finding out where she is intending to send her " little prince " so you can avoid the school like hell when you're making school choices
Yanbu at all.
She might be trying to make friends herself, particularly the kind who look after each other's children. So she can get a break, and so her DC has someone to play with.
You've got to feel sorry for her DS though!
She sounds intense! Just laugh it off and let nursery handle any relationship issues with the boys. I think you should breathe a sigh of relief that you escaped that friendship! To say it would be hard work is playing it down and no, it's not normal behaviour!
You say you're anti social. I think she also lacks the "normal" social cues. Maybe you're polar opposites. Were you clear that you thought unsupervised play dates were too young at this age, but you were happy to meet up? She sounds very insecure. Who tells a 3 yr old to steer clear of another 3 yr old child? Her son is copying her, poor kid. I wouldn't want to encourage this friendship anyway so hopefully you've dodged a bullet.
Umm, I'd count my lucky stars she'd backed off, tbh!! She sounds VERY hard work, let alone anything else.
It may be that she has social skill issues, for whatever reason, but goodness me, you don't need to be putting up with that sort of pressure and then passive aggressive Attitude after!
And yes, sadly her DS is likely to follow her social patterns as he may not have any better example to follow - so probably best to disengage your DS at this point anyway. Hopefully he's too young to care (they aren't all - my DS2 had a best friend at 3, well actually from before he was 3, and they're still best friends now 2 years later - but no fruit-loopery involved!)
Maybe calling myself anti-social is a bit of a stretch - I'm just not very outgoing and it takes me a while to feel comfortable in social situations unless it's with people I know - I was clear that I didn't think it would be fair on DS or her for me to just hand him over to her and expect her to look after him for a full day at such a young age, you're all agreeing with DH though in that I've escaped lightly with this one! Thankfully we live out of catchment for the schools her DS will be applying for (not that that stopped her suggesting we look at moving house 😬)
At 3 my dd would never have let me drop her off. She refused to be left at parties until aged 7. Even if she was, I wouldn't have been comfortable at such a young age unless she knew the person caring for her. Glad to hear your children will be at different schools. She may have turned out to be playground mum from hell for you.
Gosh, she sounds extremely hard work! As PP have said, wait until her DS starts school, that's a whole new minefield.
I think you've definitely dodged a bullet!
She's decided that her friend needs a best friend and you are not dancing to the beat of her drum to provide him with one so she's moving on to some other child. Only her child does t know any of this, and he's just playing with your boy as he did before.
She sounds ridiculously intense. I doubt she will be able to stop her ds playing with yours if that's what he wants to do.
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