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Does this seem fair..

(79 Posts)
PeanutButterCupsX Mon 24-Apr-17 23:16:04

I've been a sahm mum for a couple of years and I finally got back to work. I earn roughly £400-£500 a week, Dh earns £750 ish a week. He has suggested that we both put £300 of each wages a week for bills.

That would leave me with £200 a week more than enough I know and I'm not complaining, but as he earns more than me surely that isn't fair?

Tenerife2015 Mon 24-Apr-17 23:17:32

You're married, why have separate finances? One current account for bills etc and the one savings account is all you need surely! I don't understand why married couples have separate finances.

KoolKoala07 Mon 24-Apr-17 23:17:54

I personally don't think it's fair. Maybe it should be done as a percentage?

Moanyoldcow Mon 24-Apr-17 23:18:26

No, I don't think it is. I think you should pool the money, pay expenses and then split the surplus equally.

It's what we do and it works excellently.

Hairyfairy01 Mon 24-Apr-17 23:19:30

Why not pay the correct percentage of your wages to cover bills and savings, and you both get to keep your left overs to spend on what you want.

Hairyfairy01 Mon 24-Apr-17 23:20:22

Actually I think moanys way is better.

Dairymilkmuncher Mon 24-Apr-17 23:22:45

For some people that's fair because both paying half. For me and my dp it's not, sometimes you earn more or less but just put everything together and run by big spends by each other

newmumwithquestions Mon 24-Apr-17 23:22:48

I agree to pool the money. Whilst you were a SAHM you weren't advancing your career so will still be taking a hit on what your wages would have been had you not taken that time out of working.

AnathemaPulsifer Mon 24-Apr-17 23:23:53

No. As Moany says, the fairest is to share all the money and each take half of what's left after necessary costs, joint savings etc. Slightly less fair would be for you to each pay in the same percentage of your income. What he is suggesting is completely unfair.

Does your job pay less because you work part-time, or because you have to be around for the kids if they need you, or because you took years out to raise his kids? You're a team. Your contribution helped him get to his current earnings level. You shouldn't be penalised for taking care of your family.

hmcAsWas Mon 24-Apr-17 23:26:08

Will get shot down in flames for this, but I have never understood how committed couples can happily share bodily fluids but not their finances. Agree with Tenerife.

HeddaGarbled Mon 24-Apr-17 23:36:36

Nope, not fair.

There are two ways of doing this:

1. If you earn £500 and he earns £750, the ratio of yours to his is 2:3. If the bills come to £600, he pays £360, you pay £240. If you earn £400, adjust your contribution down a bit and his up a bit. But he still ends up with more personal money using this method, so he needs to be paying for family expenses, holidays, days out, birthday and Christmas presents for the children etc.

2. Put all of it into a joint account and pay the bills from that. What's left over is split equally between you. So total income is £1250. Bills are £600 which leaves you with £650. Split equally this gives each of you £325 personal spending money. Sensible to actually take a chunk off to put into joint savings first e.g. £250 into savings and £200 each personal spending money.

PeanutButterCupsX Tue 25-Apr-17 00:01:58

Thank you all.

I like the idea of putting all wages together, paying everything then splitting what's left. But I can't really see him doing that.

When I wasn't working he obviously paid most things but I was never given a penny out of his wages for anything myself. I always had to remind him and ask him to pay things, and now I'm working I'm feeling like he knows I'm going to be paying everything because I hate things mounting up and owing money.

AnathemaPulsifer Tue 25-Apr-17 00:14:27

Then he is financially abusive and you have a far bigger problem than just the bills.

Trifleorbust Tue 25-Apr-17 05:44:01

He sounds like a tight arsehole to me. The only fair way to do this is to pool your money and allocate it out based on the same level of personal spending. All expenses related to the home and the family to come from the pot. Personal, discretionary spending (clothes, haircuts, nights out) to come from your own money.

Ask him why he is willing to be unfair.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 25-Apr-17 05:48:46

I'd say you both keep £200 per week and the rest goes into the joint pot. If that more than covers bills, open a joint savings account.

CassandraAusten Tue 25-Apr-17 05:56:41

Doesn't sound fair to me. DH and I have joint finances. I bet you do more childcare and housework than him too OP? (Ie you contribute to the household in unpaid ways.) Do you know what he does with 'his' share of the money - save it? Or what does he spend it on?

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 25-Apr-17 06:02:08

He sounds like a catch hmm. Do you have children? Think twice if you don't.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 25-Apr-17 06:02:52

Oh sorry, got carried away. Yes, you're a sahm. Was rather annoyed with his behaviour.

WateryTart Tue 25-Apr-17 06:23:04

I can't understand separate finances in a marriage. Ours have been pooled from the day we married, either you are a partnership or you aren't.

Ethylred Tue 25-Apr-17 06:23:18

You've told us that you don't think it's fair, have you told him?

Cafecat Tue 25-Apr-17 06:30:32

Of course it's not fair and the fact he gave you no money while you were at home looking after HIS child is financial abuse.

It makes me very sad that there are threads like this most days, it seems.

I just can't comprehend the idea of separate finances in a marriage. What kind of man thinks like this?

SayNoToCarrots Tue 25-Apr-17 06:30:36

All of you who can't understand separate finances in a marriage, could you explain how your comment is helpful? OP has already said he gave her nothing when he was the only earner. If she puts all of her money into a shared account with him, what is to stop him spending it all and leaving nothing for her?

missperegrinespeculiar Tue 25-Apr-17 06:30:46

He sounds awful, I don't think it is fair at all. I would insist on 50/50 division of all spare money after bills etc. are paid, or better to me, just one pot of money, and everything comes out of that.

I know lots of married couples have separate finances, but I could never relate to that arrangement. My DH and I met when we were still both students, during our first holiday together we pooled our money and have never looked back, we had shared finances long before getting married, and have taken it in turns over the years to stay at home with the kids, work part-time, go back to study etc., never had an issue!

Good luck OP, I hope you can talk about this with him and get him to see his behaviour is really wrong and uncaring!

PollyPelargonium52 Tue 25-Apr-17 06:31:46

A percentage is the only truly fair way.

peukpokicuzo Tue 25-Apr-17 06:40:04

If you are partners who love one another and wish to share your lives together then finances are equally shared and both of you should have the same amount left for personal spending after all household expenses, bills and kids activities are paid for. Likewise you should both have the same amount of personal time to relax over the course of a week excluding your working hours and time spent on housework and childcare.

If he isn't on board with that then you aren't really a partnership you are just hoisemates

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