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to shout/scream at DS(10) that he's a "spoilt, horrible brat" twice in last 24 hours

(190 Posts)
Tablelegtiger Mon 24-Apr-17 20:51:54

Ok, I know IABU. Its not good parenting and a horrible thing to do and i now feel really awful but just don't know what to do with him. I pulled his hair in anger and frustration yesterday. What do you do when you love a DC very much but you are starting to hate the way they behave? His behaviour is making me feel v angry of late (and DH), too much to go through here but just being a horrible kid really. Lying, being really ungrateful for everything we do for him, being sarcastic and cheeky, doing sweet FA to contribute to household helping etc. I was expecting some of this at 17 but not 10. We've tried rewards for good behaviour, incentives etc. Its really making me feel down and a shit parent and I can't bear the thought that this is the start of a downhill relationship with him and the lovely little boy we had is slipping away. We have another younger DC who is witnessing this too and often suffers consequences (eg being made late for school due to morning 'episodes' with his brother).

firstnightwemet Mon 24-Apr-17 20:53:35

You pulled his hair? shock

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Mon 24-Apr-17 20:53:50

You pulled your 10 year olds hair?
You are being massively unreasonable. How do you expect him to know right from wrong and how to act when this is how you act?

I think your behaviour is pretty disgusting

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 20:53:57

Rewards and incentives. .
Have you tried actual punishments and deprivation of tech etc??

SoloDance Mon 24-Apr-17 20:55:35

You need to stop pulling his hair for a start.

Binglesplodge Mon 24-Apr-17 20:56:31

I'm sorry, I think you need to seek some help with your parenting and maybe your anger/mental health. I understand his behaviour is frustrating and disruptive but I don't think you'll find anyone here saying it's reasonable to pull your child's hair or scream insults at him. Remember you're his model for how to behave. Please don't teach him that it's OK to treat those smaller or weaker than you in that way.

haveacupoftea Mon 24-Apr-17 20:56:48

Christ that's awful, poor lad. Is something bothering him? Is he being bullied at school? Kids do tend to push boundaries at that age but your behaviour is worse. Far worse.

DearMrDilkington Mon 24-Apr-17 20:58:36

Poor kid. Why should he respect someone that screams at him and pulls his hair?

Sort it out before social services sort it first.

StandardNameHere Mon 24-Apr-17 20:59:10

You pulled his hair? You lost me at that.
Maybe he's acting up because his parents are acting pretty shite towards him

WorraLiberty Mon 24-Apr-17 20:59:55

As much as I can tell you're stressed to the eyeballs, everything you've described is pretty normal childish behaviour.

Why did you pull his hair?

What steps have you put in place to stop you hurting him again?

Whatthefudger Mon 24-Apr-17 20:59:58

I've got one of those. I mean arsey 10 year olds. I swear it's a barrage of hormones. You seriously need to keep calm. You getting worked up screaming and shouting isn't teaching him a thing. We've just been calm, dealt with the behaviour and moved on. It seems to be working

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly Mon 24-Apr-17 21:00:01

I think if he is 10 and you are getting physical with each other then group therapy would be a good idea. I would all write some house rules for EVERYONE to stick to and but it on the fridge. Go and see your GP for advice. You aren't alone. You clearly love your son but what you are doing isn't working and you need some help before its too late.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Mon 24-Apr-17 21:00:14

You scream in his face, pull his hair and wonder where he learned 'horrible behaviour'?! What's wrong with you??

PidgeonPodge Mon 24-Apr-17 21:00:27

You need to do a parenting course, there are some really good ones out there.

It's pretty obvious to see where his behaviour is stemming from. hint incase you didn't get it, it's you

You're behaviour is completely unacceptable for an adult.

TheWitTank Mon 24-Apr-17 21:00:57

What the fuck?! You pulled his hair?! I understand your frustration at his behaviour but you can't do that!

KindleBueno Mon 24-Apr-17 21:01:01

Usually I disagree with posters all lamping in with the same answer but you need told how disgraceful pulling a child's hair is. Utterly disgusting behaviour

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Mon 24-Apr-17 21:01:29

I can't get over you pulling his hair?
What would you do to him if he had done it to you or your younger DC? He probably thinks that pulling hair is now a reasonable way to deal with his anger.

You need to seek help with your anger and get parenting classes

OscartheWildebeest Mon 24-Apr-17 21:01:53

Don't tell him he's spoilt and a brat too often- it might be different for your boy but for me I always remembered it and it ate me up inside. She only told me I was two or three times but I lay there overanalyzing everything I did trying to be a perfect child and berating myself when I wasn't. I'm not saying he'll be the same- I was quite an anxious child mind. It does sound like your situation is hard though xx

Tablelegtiger Mon 24-Apr-17 21:01:57

I've posted this because I already KNOW its awful behaviour (by me). I'm hoping for something helpful from others who may have experienced similar difficulties and finding parenting challenging. I don't need a load of judgemental "I would never dream of doing that to my precious DC" MNetters to tell what I already know - that I am failing at the moment in my parenting. How is telling me I'm disgusting going to be helpful?

treaclesoda Mon 24-Apr-17 21:02:18

I totally understand that you're frustrated with his behaviour but bloody hell, he must be miserable if that's how you are treating him. I have a child the same age, I know it's not a walk in the park, but you need to change your own behaviour before you worry about his. He has immaturity as an excuse, you are meant to be the adult.

NoCapes Mon 24-Apr-17 21:02:29

shock

treaclesoda Mon 24-Apr-17 21:03:40

Ok. So is his behaviour sudden worse? Is something upsetting him? Are there other issues at home? Are you stressed about other stuff and lacking patience with him?

PidgeonPodge Mon 24-Apr-17 21:03:43

Well you already know it's awful behaviour then.

Stop doing it.

Whatthefudger Mon 24-Apr-17 21:03:59

But it's not just a parenting issue. It's your issue with self control. You assaulted your child because he was misbehaving. Fuck me I know how vile ten year old boys can be, but lordy

PuntCuffin Mon 24-Apr-17 21:05:01

My best advice is to ask for this thread to be moved into Parenting. In AIBU, you will just get more shit thrown at you, not the support and advice you obviously need.

And before anyone jumps on me, I am not defending OP's behaviour.

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