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Yep, it's a MIL one...

(79 Posts)
Incoganito Mon 24-Apr-17 20:43:41

Name-changed for this as, to be honest, I don't think I'm going to come out of it well blush - but I have to ask...

After much thought and deliberation, DH and I named DS 'Jake' (names have been changed to protect the innocent). MIL insists on calling him 'Jakey', which I find incredibly irritating (DH doesn't really care, but is trying to support me!). We have asked her nicely not to refer to DS as such, but rather than backing down and just mumbling something about having a miserable DIL, she's pushing back, wanting to know WHY she can't call him that, he's her DGS, etc.

I completely get that in the course of his life, DS will probably pick up all sorts of nicknames and I will have zero control over it, but for now he's not even a year old! But - before you tar me completely with the 'one of those mums' brush - it's 'Jakey' in particular I cannot stand; we've said to MIL she is welcome to call him whatever other pet name she bloody well wants. Also, I know another baby who's actually called 'Jakey' - as per birth certificate, not just a nickname. So to me it's a different name altogether. Like if I called my child Bob, but MIL insists on referring to him as Dave hmm If DS wants to go by 'Jakey' in future and sound like an utter twat then I will absolutely suck it up and cope.

So, AIBU or is MIL?

ducks to avoid deluge of biscuits

knorrig Mon 24-Apr-17 20:45:16


Shylo Mon 24-Apr-17 20:46:11

I'm sorry, I think you kind of ABU ..... if the name you chose has a variant that you absolutely can't stand you were always going to be on a loser because you have no control over the nicknames other people use for your child and it's Sod's law they'll be picking the one you hate :/

Waitingonasmile Mon 24-Apr-17 20:46:13

I think you are being a bit OTT. It's just an affectionate nickname.

SaucyJack Mon 24-Apr-17 20:46:44

It's you Hun.

fc301 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:00

YABU. Chill.

ScarletForYa Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:00


What does it matter?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:05

Can you alter her name to something hideous and insist you will be using it from now on??

dinosaursandtea Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:08

Oh, that would drive me BONKERS. Tell her he;s your kid and she needs to stfu.

RaymondinaReddington Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:17


happypoobum Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:17

If you really hated a variation of the name you gave your DS then why did you choose it?

If I hated "Jakey" there is no way I would call my son Jake.


Fluffyears Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:44

If it really is 'Jakey' then that's a Scottish slang term for a tramp that should help stop her.

MrsPicklesonSmythe Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:52


ScarlettFreestone Mon 24-Apr-17 20:47:59

I'm afraid, as annoying as it no doubt is to you, you're being unreasonable.

It's not another name, it's clearly affectionate.

If your DS doesn't like it he'll soon tell her not to use it once he starts speaking.

Save your big guns for more important things.

RaymondinaReddington Mon 24-Apr-17 20:48:44

These posts amaze me. Is it PFB or do people have so little else to worry about that something like this becomes significant in your life?

Freezingwinter Mon 24-Apr-17 20:49:07

I'll be in the minority maybe, but this is the sort of thing my mil does. It's like a control thing! When DS was newborn she would ask WHY she had to wash her hands before she touched my baby, she's his grandmother, not a stranger!! Nowadays it's WHY can't I let him have a sip of my coke, etc. It pisses me off no end, but there's a huge back story with my mil and the way she has acted in the past.

Hamsolo Mon 24-Apr-17 20:49:33

The trouble with names that can't be shortened is that people will go and stick a y on the end instead.

FreedomMummy Mon 24-Apr-17 20:49:48

Unfortunately I think YABU simply because when you chose the name you maybe should have taken the nickname into account and if you hated it that much another name maybe should have been chosen.
Having said that I like to think that if a member of my family asked me not to call their child by a certain name I would respect their wishes...

ChocolateButton15 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:52:58

Ah no I'm with you! My daughters name is the same, can be changed into a different version/name by adding ie. A couple of family members did it for a while, I pointed out it wasn't her name! Same as you I don't like the other name. Only one person persisted and she never acknowledged him if he called her it (nothing to do with me) and he doesn't say it now.

isadoradancing123 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:53:11

I would insist that she calls him by the name you want him to have

NancyCarolinesHeadtorch Mon 24-Apr-17 20:53:41

It's a tough one... I think it's a bit off to refer to your son by a name you absolutely cannot stand. But nicknames develop, you can't control it. It's natural and to object does seem a bit precious.

Saying that, I actually hate it when people call me the shortened version of my name. It's totally unessaccary- it's a short name! I don't say anything though, I can't really be bothered.

Teeters on edge of fence...

Incoganito Mon 24-Apr-17 20:55:10

Fair enough, biscuits accepted. I assumed I was BU... But grateful for both the reality check and a tiny amount of solidarity grin

happypoobum FreedomMummy Genuinely never considered this particular variation/nickname as a possibility! Never mind.

Hamsolo YES! Lesson learned. Next DC, if we are lucky enough, will have to have a name ending in a 'y' sound.

booitsme Mon 24-Apr-17 20:56:11

My son aged 6 for approximately 6 months only answered to lollipop. Just saying! 😉

But seriously OP just talk to her again as nicely as you can. Explain to her why you would rather she didn't call him Jakey, tell her in the scheme of things you know it's not a biggie but it bothers you and you'd really appreciate it if she would call him by his chosen name. If she still persists then suck it up - pick your battles as they will come.

happypoobum Mon 24-Apr-17 20:57:34

Gosh I really want to know what the name is now! grin

antsinpants Mon 24-Apr-17 20:57:47

I have an uncle who does this. DDs name is eg Polly Anne Antsinpants, but universally known as Polly. He insists on calling her Polly Anne, despite me correcting him every time he does it. Now he even gives me a little smirky look before saying her name. Boils my piss.

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