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Would dd1 and dd2 get seperated?

(13 Posts)
Steviea88 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:08:14

This is off the back of another thread.

I have two dd's. Dd1 is 8 and she stays with ex every other weekend and just slightly less than half the school holidays. He is a good dad and she loves him to pieces.

I recently had a health scare and it worried me to think that they would be separated if anything happened to me. The bond is so special between them it brings a tear to my eyes watching them together. (As I'm guessing a lot of parents feel watching siblings) they both adore each other.

I have been with DH for 5 years, he is brilliant and very involved in dd1's life. Treats them both the same.

Would dd1 be made to live with her dad or would she still be able to live with dh and have the same visits as she does now.

Dd1 is in a good school with friends and family all around her. Her dad lives 2 hours away in a very busy town and she doesn't have her own bedroom there. He is very much a 'Disney' dad as in no bedtime, no homework, eat what you want, which of course she LOVES smile

I think it would literally break their hearts for the girls to seperate, especially dd1 and then to be uprooted from her home, friends and family. She doesn't see ex's family.

Even with a will it doesn't always stand does it?

Maybe I shouldn't be worrying but it's really been playing on my mind.

zzzzz Mon 24-Apr-17 20:11:13

I would imagine she would live with her Dad and visit her sister and step Dad?

She would probably live with her dad if he wanted her there full time and would have to visit step dad and sister

FlouncingInTheRain Mon 24-Apr-17 20:15:10

I have a similar fear. I've been think about asking XH if he'd agree to sign one of these agreements

Crabbitstick Mon 24-Apr-17 20:16:43

Maybe you should speak to DD1's Dad and get his thoughts. He might be happy to keep DD with her sibling and continue his access as is.
Be pro-active if you can and get arrangements written up legally.

UppityHumpty Mon 24-Apr-17 20:17:35

You should get legal advice. I think there are things you can do now to encourage the courts to give custody to your dh, if that's what you want.

ProudBadMum Mon 24-Apr-17 20:18:38

I've never thought about this! Just me and partner died then my son and daughter would go to my mum and sons dad would stick to same visitation

I've never thought about what would happen if it was just me!

Oh fuck

Hogs Mon 24-Apr-17 20:20:48

Make a will which sets out your wishes for DD1.

usernumbernine Mon 24-Apr-17 20:22:32

A friend of mine has taken on his wife's dd1 with thean r own kids (she has sadly passed away) and dd1 sees her dad on the same schedule as when her mum was alive.

HighwayDragon1 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:38:31

Generally, when it's a long term partner or husband then they stick with the status quo. If you're worried then ask your DDS dad if he would allow your dh to get parental responsibility, it takes nothing away from him, but gives your hubby some legal protection should something happen to you.

Steviea88 Mon 24-Apr-17 20:46:58

Thank you everyone for your replies. Need to talk to ex I think and sort out a will.

I did speak to ex about step parent parental rights for this reason, he agreed to do so but I have told him to get some legal advice first as I don't want him to think I am trying to trick him or take anything away from him.
He is her dad, I understand that.
I just wouldn't want her uprooted from all she knows.

Hateloggingin Mon 24-Apr-17 20:54:11

We're in almost identical circumstances, dd (exh is her father) of 11 and dd who is 6 (her father is my partner of 10 years). My exh lives 200 miles away and sees dd once a month, really worries me if I die. Her school, friends, sister, step dad and extended family are all up here.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 20:57:38

From what I understand. . Your dd would stay in her current life and home with maybe more contact with df but not just snatched from dsf.
Your 2 dc relationship with each other is just as important in a courts eyes as df and dd.

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