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AIBU?

To think MIL crossed the line

137 replies

CatherineHate · 24/04/2017 18:15

This happened a few weeks ago, but seeing MIL again after a bit of holiday this week. I need help deciding how to go forward.

So DF is dead. He died when I was a young child in awful circumstances (was murdered by my aunt's abusive husband) and was the catalyst for a fucking shit decade for my family.

So understandably, I don't talk about it.

Anyway, MIL decided to pry into my father's death and was asking a million questions- as if I'd lie about something like this and kept pushing to the point that I had to tell her I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

That night, I heard her asking DP (who obviously knows the full story) for more information. Luckily he knows what a nosey twat she can be and told her to shut up and that if I didn't tell her myself she isn't to know.

Roll around last Saturday. I had to catch a train pretty early and saw she was on her laptop my phone was being dodgy and wasn't getting the ticket from my email so I needed to resend it.
MIL let's me use hers, I type in my email's website and see the suggestions of "CatherineHate surname murder year of death" "Year of dad's death murder in town I grew up in" about twenty fucking Google searches of my dad's full name, Gov.UK for his death record, my DAunt and searches to see "how quickly you can die if you the murder weapon that was used on my dad"

I KNOW I am not being unreasonable and that MIL is fucking unhinged but I am living with her until March 2018. How can I live with her without wanting to tell her how mentally ill she is and that I never want to see her again

OP posts:

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NewIdeasToday · 24/04/2017 18:27

I can see why this is upsetting for you. But being curious does not make her mentally ill.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 24/04/2017 18:30

Why are you living with her until March 2018? (Ie do you really really really have to?)

Madwoman5 · 24/04/2017 18:32

If she asks again just ask her why? Why is she so interested? Why does she keep asking about something that is so private and painful to you? Then say ENOUGH. Dp seems to have her number and glad he has your back. Some people are ghoulishly pulled to tragedy.

usernumbernine · 24/04/2017 18:32

She's not mentally ill. She's a nosy bitch.

StarlingMurderation · 24/04/2017 18:35

I'm so sorry, that must have been so upsetting for you. I don't think it's a sign that she has mental illness though - just indecent curiosity/nosiness.

icelollycraving · 24/04/2017 18:37

That isn't being mentally ill (unless there's a big old drip feed). It's just being intrusive and mean spirited.

SoloDance · 24/04/2017 18:37

I think a lot of people would be curious and Google for details. I probably would.

nuttyknitter · 24/04/2017 18:39

Surely the answer is to just tell her? The more evasive you are the more she'll want to find out - it's human nature.

Batgirlspants · 24/04/2017 18:40

Must be very painful for you op but maybe your dp could tell her the info and that might satisfy her.

She's not mentally ill just curious.

PotteringAlong · 24/04/2017 18:41

She's not mentally ill. She's curious. You wouldn't tell her so she googled. I google all sort of random stuff. I would probably have googled too if I'm honest.

Batgirlspants · 24/04/2017 18:41

Sorry have to say I would google for details too op.

Osolea · 24/04/2017 18:41

Should you really be going to live with her if this is already the way you feel about her? It's really not that weird for someone to be curious about their adult child's partners parents. I do understand how upsetting it is likely to be for you though, and she should respect your feelings.

Sirzy · 24/04/2017 18:41

Why not just ask your dh to tell her a basic outline of what happened?

I don't think you can blame her for being curious really. When you asked her to stop asking you about it she did didn't she?

SpiritedLondon · 24/04/2017 18:42

I think that some people do have a weird interest in " real life crime" given the number of books available detailing gruesome murders. There are also people who collect the most horrific crime scene pictures on sites like Pinterest ( that I happened to stumble across). Of course if anyone had suffered the tragedy that you have then they would likely have a radically perspective on this kind of interest. It sounds like your MILs curiosity has got the better of her and she's failing to appreciate the death of this kind can have on a person. Perhaps your DP needs to have a word and emphasise how distressing you find enquiries of this kind.

jelliebelly · 24/04/2017 18:44

She's just being nosey - the google searches indicate that she knows there is more to it than she is being told. Can't you just get dh to tell her the bare facts and ask her to stop bringing it up?

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 24/04/2017 18:45

She's nosey and silly for not deleting her search history. It's human nature I'm afraid. for you OP what a dreadful thing to happen.

HeyCat · 24/04/2017 18:45

Honestly a lot of people would be curious enough to google for details. I probably would google to see what was public information about it. Partly that's because I'm nosy, partly I'd want to know what topics to avoid with you. I don't think that's a sign of mental illness.

HerrenaHarridan · 24/04/2017 18:45

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

You shouldn't have to. It's really shit of her to push you to talk about it.

Unfortunately the more you are secretive about it the more she will want to know.
I think googling it was pretty inevitable if neither you or dp wanted to disclose.
Of course she has no right to know but that's not going to stop her being curious.

StewieGMum · 24/04/2017 18:45

It's a massively intrusive thing to do and 'being curious' is not a reason to invade someone's privacy. I would be upset and angry too. This isn't mental illness though - it's just rude.

Honestly, I would look at moving.

LagunaBubbles · 24/04/2017 18:48

It's human nature to be curious and now we have Google it's even easier. Must admit I would do the same. Not sure why you are saying she is mentally ill to be honest.

CaraSl · 24/04/2017 18:49

YANBU that is so so awful do not tell her anything else it's none of her business. What's hurtful is she is treating a truly traumatic event in your life as gossip. I would move out.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/04/2017 18:49

I would pull her and say you hope she finds the binge gossip feed she is looking for but you don't intend to ever enter into talks about any of it.
She is massively disrespectful imo. .
You are her dil not a subject of interest in that sense. .
Weirdo. .

Mombie2016 · 24/04/2017 18:50

OP - she probably wants the gory details. Which you aren't going to give and the sort of which she won't be able to find on Google. You don't owe her any further explaination ffs.

UppityHumpty · 24/04/2017 18:51

You didn't tell her so she Googled it. That's all it is. Now focus on finding your own place and getting out of there!

BarneyRumbleton · 24/04/2017 18:54

I'm so sorry to hear this but have to echo what the others have said. It's morbid curiosity. People are often drawn to murder in a strange way.
It sounds sick but when I worked in newspapers, sales always increased when there was a murder.
It's awful for the victim's family though, and some of those searches your MIL made are very distasteful.
I think moving forward, asking OH to have a chat to her, fill her in on the facts and explain how distressing it is to you, and that it's not a story to be told. It's your life.

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