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To be fed up of the fat jokes?

(19 Posts)
Untilthelastpetalfalls Mon 24-Apr-17 17:47:08

Work colleague and friend constantly makes fat jokes at the expense of herself.

I do get that sometimes people make these jokes before anyone else makes them but literally no one on our team would ever comment on her size. Which she definitely knows.

I just find it very awkward.

Silverdream Mon 24-Apr-17 17:48:53

All I can think is that she's unhappy with how she is and has low self esteem so jokes to hide it. It's sad that she feels like that.

Meekonsandwich Mon 24-Apr-17 21:17:09

She sounds really insecure and like she has experienced bullying before.

I tell you what is awkward though, my very slim boss who loves saying to me what a fatty she is for eating a sausage roll (the only thing she's eaten all day) in front of myself who is obese.

Hilarious. Not.

You could say it makes you uncomfortable and there's no need for it, but it might make things awkward.
I'd just let it go as something she does to try and fit in.

highinthesky Mon 24-Apr-17 21:19:44

Next time perhaps you should tell her that none of the team have a low opinion of her - so why does she?

TomaytoTomahto Mon 24-Apr-17 21:23:28

I disagree that self-depreciating jokes are always made pre-emptively. My mates and I always make jokes about our flaws or things we have done in our past, and none of them came from a place of low self-esteem. Sometimes jokes are jokes and there's no deeper meaning. Not everything has to be serious 24/7.

JustAKitten Mon 24-Apr-17 21:24:43

We always take the piss out of ourselves and each other. Some people just make jokes!

Lilyoftheforest Mon 24-Apr-17 21:58:27

It's a defence mechanism. People who are overweight have had piss taking and bashing their whole lives, and if they take the piss out of themselves, that removes the opportunity for anyone else to do it. They are effectively, taking control.

Someone should say 'awww stop putting yourself down you silly goose, you're gorgeous!' But I doubt it will stop her. She has conditioned herself now, to slating herself before someone else does it.

Ihaveabloodyheadache Mon 24-Apr-17 22:10:39

I'd agree it's probably preemptive. It is in my case, I wanted them to know I know I'm overweight, I'm aware and I don't need telling, hints or well meaning diet magazines left in my locker (yes, really!). And that little part of me that wanted everyone else to know, that I knew, that I was being judged, whether I was or not. And to get it out there and said so it wasn't the elephant in the room (not the best phrase maybe! hmm)
I'm not sure why I felt that way, or thought that it was the best way to handle it either, maybe because I was the subject of judgment for a long time. Wish I'd had colleagues like you, or the resilience not to care.

TomaytoTomahto Mon 24-Apr-17 22:50:18

I'm curious, if you can't dance for instance, would any jokes you make about that be considered pre-emptive? Maybe I am way off course, obviously, but I don't think every fat person sees their "condition" in a derogatory light. Perhaps they have accepted it and don't necessarily see it as something "shameful" anymore?

Health reasons aside, I think the people that feel awkward or uncomfortable around such jokes are the ones that are projecting their personal thoughts onto the person who is fat and making such jokes about herself in the first place.

pinkdelight Mon 24-Apr-17 23:04:23

Hasn't done Jo Brand and Amy Schumer any harm.

HelenaDove Mon 24-Apr-17 23:16:04

Over Easter ITV3 showed a programme about Morecambe and Wise. Anita Harris was on there watching a clip of herself rehearsing with M and W in 1973.

"God i was fat there" she said. hmm

TheStoic Mon 24-Apr-17 23:25:23

I have a colleague who does the same thing.

We would never laugh at fat jokes made at someone else's expense, so obviously we don't laugh at hers.

Very awkward.

haveacupoftea Tue 25-Apr-17 00:23:12

I do this sometimes but it's because my family are all quite stocky and will often make irreverent jokes at our own expense. Sometimes I forgot when I'm with others that they might not be comfortable with it! It's certainly not pre emptive or looking for someone to say aww you're not fat or anything like that. It's no different to any other kind of joke taking the piss out of yourself which I think most people do.

KittyWindbag Tue 25-Apr-17 01:11:52

Next time she does it smile and say 'why are you always putting yourself down like that?'

Don't come with the 'you're not fat' stuff, fat needs to stop being used pejoratively. Just don't engage with the negativity. She must feel crap about herself.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 25-Apr-17 01:27:30

Hasn't done Jo Brand and Amy Schumer any harm. Or Rebel Wilson or Melissa McCarthy. If you find it awkward, do you think it says something about how you feel about weight?

Italiangreyhound Tue 25-Apr-17 02:06:06

Untilthelastpetalfalls I am fat overweight and I used to do this.

Now I tend not to use the f word (fat) very often.

What happened for me was I brought in some food one Christmas, made a disparaging comment about myself and my dear colleague said to me, when no one else was around something like "You don't need to say that about yourself."

I would not say the jokes make you uncomfortable, because your colleagues discomfort will be greater, and you don't want to shame her. But you could say that you really like her as a person (if you do) and you don't think she should jokes like that.

KittyWindbag "Next time she does it smile and say 'why are you always putting yourself down like that?'" Please just be careful no one else is around or can hear, she may not want to engage about this stuff at all, let alone with others listening in.

MrsTerryPratchett, yes and I've seen some black comedians making a load of jokes about other black people, but if someone in the office did it, I would find it very uncomfortable whether they were black or not. I think what it says about the OP is she sensitive. Which is not a bad thing.

TheStoic Tue 25-Apr-17 02:50:32

If you find it awkward, do you think it says something about how you feel about weight?

It says that I don't think fat jokes are funny.

AteRiri Tue 25-Apr-17 03:02:34

I have a friend who constantly jokes that I should sit on someone if that person annoys me. At first I let it go, but AIBU to be really annoyed now?

Italiangreyhound Tue 25-Apr-17 03:06:50

AteRiri "At first I let it go, but AIBU to be really annoyed now?"

YANBU, AteRiri. Either say to the person in a really normal/serious voice. please stop saying that it is so annoying, or walk off as they are half way through it, or get them to explain "Why should I do that, what do you mean, what are you getting at?"

It's a really cruel and stupid thing to say, and I would suggest you tell them. Maybe they will make this joke with someone else one day and get a real ear full so you might even be doing them a favour!

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