I've got a DM who is lovely in many ways. I'm going to sound so ungrateful but my problem is she constantly offers help for things that we don't need help for, and then when I explain why, she sounds really sad and often tearful, making me feel like shit.
I'm due DC2 this week. The latest upset is because I didn't ask her to watch toddler DS while the midwife comes to do a cervical sweep on Friday morning. DH will be here anyway (he wanted to be) and DS can go to nursery but she's so desperate to help and be useful that she was very quiet and sad when I told her DH would be here, plus it would a worry for me that she wouldn't be here on time (we live not far from a part of the motorway famed for huge morning delays). She lives two hours away from us in non-rush hour time plus quite honestly after a cervical sweep I would rather have a quiet day with DH (DS adores nursery and won't mind an extra day there). But no - despite giving my reasons, there were almost pleas - 'Well it's no problem, I just want to help...' 'I can set off from here at 6am, that's no problem, but...ok...never mind then...'
I'm an only child and she's got no other family, and not many friends, which must be hard for her. We speak 3/4 times a week and see her perhaps 3 times a month. But sometimes I find myself almost inventing reasons for her to 'help' as I know she loves being needed. I just struggle with the times we don't need her as she really lays on the guilt (sad voice, quiet, lots of doubtful 'mmmm's when I explain why we don't need her to jump in the car and rush up). Of course she'll be the first we tell when I do go into labour, and she's more than welcome to come whenever she wants and meet her new GC. But AIBU to not want the worry of her alone and feeling sad just because we don't accept every offer of help