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Socialising with smokers

(69 Posts)
CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:40:56

A fair few of my good friends are smokers. I am a non smoker and don't enjoy the smell of smoke (but don't let on to my smoker friends about this). What irritates me is whenever we arrange to meet for a drink they inevitably without fail insist we sit outside, freezing cold, so they can chain smoke throughout the afternoon/ evening. Only if it starts to rain will they concede and go indoors unless there is a canopy with heaters and then they will relocate there.

It has started to put me off seeing them. I'm a sociable person and would enjoy sitting in a bar or pub with them but not outside. It's the cold and not the smoking I object to by the way. I just find them all generally very selfish when it comes to this, there is no way they would offer to socialise indoors and nip out now and again for a cigarette, no matter how cold it is they are happy to sit outside as long as they can smoke whilst everyone else suffers. If I say I'm cold they just brush it off. Has anyone else experienced the same?

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 24-Apr-17 15:43:50

No, but ywnbu to message them all to let them know you're sick of being frozen and could you all kindly sit inside more or find somewhere with those patio heater things.

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 24-Apr-17 15:45:47

But if they normally shrug you off then I'd find new friends who aren't addicts.

Gowgirl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:46:10

Find heated venues I have to admit I always sit outside but at this point I know where the nice smoking areas are with heaters that work!

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:46:26

I don't think those patio heater things are particularly efficient either though. On a chilly evening I would like to be able to go to a bar dressed nicely and not have to take a coat and scarf and prepare for hours in the elements.

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:47:49

And why should smokers wants and addictions trump everyone else's? I don't see why they can't nip out for a fag every so often and everyone can enjoy their evening in comfort.

I haven't made a big fuss properly before just said I'm cold but you can tell they don't care and are desperate to remain outside to chain smoke.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 24-Apr-17 15:48:53

It's spring! Soon it will be lovely to be outside.

Next autumn, work out whether their company makes up for it.

JustAnotherPoster00 Mon 24-Apr-17 15:49:56

Oh its one of the AIBU (I dont think I am) so every 1 needs to agree with me threads, this should be fun grin

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 15:52:27


So you don't think their behaviour is unreasonable then? Or you think mine is? Or just another entitled addict...

MiddleClassProblem Mon 24-Apr-17 15:54:00

I think it's difficult as it's the majority of the group or even all but you? So you would prob have them all leaving you to go for a cig if you were inside which might become 2 so you end up sitting at a group table on your tod for 10mins and then they've had a whole other conversation whilst you've been gone. If that doesn't bother you than ask if you can but as MrsP said, the time for sitting outside is almost upon us, or was a week or so ago anyway.

ChicRock Mon 24-Apr-17 15:54:33

Why don't you and the "everyone else who suffers" in your group go and sit inside and tell the smokers to come and join you if and when they want to?

FannyWisdom Mon 24-Apr-17 15:56:22

I wish you were my mate Cara you sound ace.

RedDogsBeg Mon 24-Apr-17 16:02:20

The smokers I socialise with are the exact opposite of your group, we all sit inside and they pop out to smoke when necessary. Good weather we all sit outside even then the smokers tend to ask if anyone minds if they smoke and/or move away from the group to smoke.

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 16:06:36


I know I am coming across incredibly uptight and precious here but that's only because I am venting on a forum rather than trying to inflict what I want on my friends!

I just don't know if it would be unreasonable of me or not to suggest the next night out we have is based indoors?

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 24-Apr-17 16:07:19

you can tell they don't care and are desperate to remain outside to chain smoke

They sound rough as rats then. Better find another friendship group.

MarcelineTVQ Mon 24-Apr-17 16:07:51

Well I don't know if you are being unfair entirely but it is extremely unfair for people to simply dismiss smokers as addicts and to tell you to find friends who aren't addicts!? Yes..lets all dismiss anyone we know struggling with an addiction because it doesn't suit you. (Not directed at OP) ..just saying

Oldraver Mon 24-Apr-17 16:08:43

I just don't think smokers ever get the viewpoint of non-smokers.. They tolerate the cold as smoking is more important to them. I You could ask if you can move indoors...see what their reaction is. Only you can decide if their company is worth putting up with this.

I've always found the nipping out for a fag tedious... I've only just got into OH how umpleasant it is to go out for nice meal, his go out for a fag then come back reeking...He now has a little wander

Oldraver Mon 24-Apr-17 16:11:51

I think RedDogs has a point...not all smokers are inconsiderate...OH has taken on board my views and has adjusted his trips out accordingly...Maybe you have a bad will only know if they care what you think if you aske them

specialsubject Mon 24-Apr-17 16:12:54

Patio heaters are obvious planet wreckers - heating the outdoors is really bone headed.

Does anyone still chain smoke? You must know some seriously rich.people.

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 16:23:51

I don't think they're particularly rich, just prioritise buying cigarettes over other luxuries.

Reow Mon 24-Apr-17 16:31:31

Are you the only non-smoker Cara?

heron98 Mon 24-Apr-17 16:35:09

All my friends smoke so we always sit outside. I just go out with about 10 jackets and suck it up, I've accepted it's how it is.

Ladyformation Mon 24-Apr-17 16:35:48

Yes, just tell them that you want your next night out to be based indoors. I don't understand why you haven't done that already.

CaraSl Mon 24-Apr-17 16:35:54

I'm not the only smoker I think it's about 60/40 in their favour.

Sirzy Mon 24-Apr-17 16:36:35

It hard if the rest of the group want to sit outside though, their reasons for to a point are irrelevant, if they all want to sit outside then to change it all for one is equally as unfair surely?

Most of my friends smoke and/or vape so I accept that often that will mean either sitting outside for some/all of the time or sitting alone inside at points while they nip out.

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