Ever since our DD was born, it feels like my marriage has been getting shaky. It's reached the point where we now repeat the same argument every week: She claims I'm lazy and not helping out enough, I tell her if there's something she wants me to do, all she has to do is tell me - I've never refused before.
And here is the TLDR version:
I work one of those FT jobs where evenings and weekends don't mean I'm not working. I do work a lot from home, though, which means I get up most mornings to take care of DD for a couple of hours while DW gets ready. She, on the other hand, quit her job so she can be a stay-at-home mum (with my blessing). I usually finish work at 6pm, around her bedtime, so most working days I don't get to do much aside from shooting smiles at DD, and the occasional break.
DW is arguing that after DD goes to bed (or on days she stays at her grandmother's), she still has to do housework, and that I don't participate at all. On the other hand, whenever I offer to help with something, my offer is almost always rejected: I'm not allowed to touch the laundry (not that I messed something up in the past, I was never allowed), I'm not allowed to put DD to bed (because it will supposedly mess up her routine), and even when it's things I'm "allowed" to do, I'm still faced with rejections when I offer.
Naturally, I just stopped offering to help - instead, I told her, if she wanted help, I'm more than willing to do anything she asks of me. Apparently, this is unacceptable.
When DD needs her nappy changed, I should do it - even if she's the one who smelled it, and does it herself before I even notice. When the bottles are in the sink, clean them - even though I hardly spend time near the sink to see them, and she pops by to make tea every couple hours (another thing I don't do well-enough, apparently). It's not that I don't agree I should help with these things, but when she notices something needs doing and I don't, she just does it herself and gets angry at me the next morning. All I ask is that she tells me, instead of just getting angry about it.
DD plays nicely by herself (and completely ignores me while she does), and I don't spend most of the weekend sitting with her. That's not to say I don't play with her at all, just obviously not as much as DW would like.
I know I'm not a saint here, and that it IS possible for me to periodically leave whatever it is I'm doing and check if the sink is full, but I don't think it's very difficult to point it out to me, either. One of us is obviously being unreasonable, so we're out to seek advice from the internet.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To ask to know when something is bothering her?
109 replies
user1493024090 · 24/04/2017 12:07
OP posts:
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