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AIBU to feel offended ?

(27 Posts)
bookworm80 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:40:41

I have been friends with a neighbour for 10 years since we both had babies at the same time. We used to go to playgroups, have coffee and spend days off in the holidays together as well as having the occasional night out and spa day. We have seen less of each other these last few years as our children aren't in the same friendship circles at school and we have both changed jobs and work a lot more hours. I still, however, see her 3 mornings as a week as I take her child to school for her. She stands on my doorstep and we chat and tell each other what is going on.
On the last day of term before the school holidays, which wasn't my day for taking her child, my daughter came home with her daughter's homework book saying that she'd been off sick. I texted my friend to ask how she was. No reply. In the week I went round with the homework and realised that the house was all shut up and they were away on holiday. I couldn't believe that they would go on holiday and not mention it. She is into her holidays and is always very excited and always tell me about it and I love to hear about it.
She came round this morning and I said I can't believe you went away without telling me and she said she thought she had. She knows full well that she didn't though. I just don't get it. The only thing I can think is that they rang in sick on the Friday they broke up and she doesn't want school to find out. AIBU to be upset that she didn't tell me because she obviously doesn't trust me?? I can't think I have given her reason not to trust me. It's maybe a little thing but I can't imagine going away and not telling my friends...

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 09:45:08

Maybe she didn't trust your dc wouldn't drop her in it not you personally. .
With all the fine threats etc too!!
Take some cakes round when she gets back. . Not worth falling out over really.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 24-Apr-17 09:46:45

Have you been thought that maybe they leftclast minute for personal reasons? Marital problems, family problems, family health and she doesn't want to talk about it?

Bluntness100 Mon 24-Apr-17 09:47:12

I think you're over thinking it, she might just have forgot. Sometimes folks do when they are busy. I wouldn't read anything malicious into it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 24-Apr-17 10:00:08

You are being unreasonable and daft.

She didn't tell you they were going away, it's no big deal so don't give it further thought.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 24-Apr-17 10:03:59

You're overthinking it. Let it go.

Costacoffeeplease Mon 24-Apr-17 10:09:13

You're actually spending time and energy thinking about this?

MusicToMyEars800 Mon 24-Apr-17 10:09:35

You're overthinking it. Let it go.

NancyDonahue Mon 24-Apr-17 10:10:48

It's a bit daft to ring in sick for a day for holiday (if that is the case here). The child will get unauthorised absence but no fine. We've taken dc's out on the odd Friday/Monday to stretch a holiday a bit, always been honest and never been fined.

As to why she didn't tell you, that does sound odd as you seem close. Maybe she is worried about school finding out.

EssentialHummus Mon 24-Apr-17 10:20:06

I think she just rang the DC in sick for a holiday, and didn't want to let on. Leave it, I reckon.

Serin Mon 24-Apr-17 10:23:45

We are planning on taking our youngest out of school for a few days prior to the start of the school holidays. I am so worried about school finding out/fines etc that we have not even told our own kids!!

ItsOut Mon 24-Apr-17 10:28:04

I think you are overthinking it and overreacting. It's not important and she may have not wanted you to know in case she was not being honest with the school about why she was away.

caffelatte100 Mon 24-Apr-17 10:34:31

Loads of my good friends do secretive things, e.g. one did not tell me about pregnancy or miscarriage until everyone else was told. I've learned not to take it personally although I used to. I have learned that people act like this in order to protect themselves and their families and this comes before friendships, pretty much normal I would say. Maybe she felt bad about that day off. Just don't waste anymore time on it! Be friendly and normal. Bad response would be to be huffy or withdrawn about it.

user1493022461 Mon 24-Apr-17 10:49:45

Maybe she didn't tell you because you are clearly so over-invested and nosy about things that don't concern you. hmm
It's really weird to get all worked up about your neighbour not telling you about her holidays. WTF should she?

SpreadYourHappiness Mon 24-Apr-17 10:52:02

Yes, YABU to feel offended at this non-issue.

Chavelita Mon 24-Apr-17 10:57:09

She came round this morning and I said I can't believe you went away without telling me

Seriously? You're way over-invested. Why on earth does it matter whether she mentioned her holidays in advance or not, if it wasn't going to mean that you were waiting for a child who never arrived in the morning, which you seemingly weren't? Have you always been someone who had to tell her friends everything?

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 24-Apr-17 10:59:32

You are kidding aren't you? Or is it a reverse?

If it's as the OP is, then you are being utterly ridiculous. She does not have to tell you every little detail of her life. You have no rights to be told anything and if I was her and had that reaction from you, I'd be reconsidering our friendship because it is such a ridiculous reaction and I'd feel very much on edge about what trivial shit you would get upset about next!

MiddleClassProblem Mon 24-Apr-17 11:00:38

I agree with what everyone else has said but maybe you are also just missing seeing her properly so maybe try abd arrange dinner out or something?

NataliaOsipova Mon 24-Apr-17 11:05:12

She's embarrassed about pulling her kids out of school and wants to keep it hush hush. Say she has called school and said they are sick. I'm sure she wouldn't think that you would report her to the school, but it's the easiest thing in the world for one of your kids to make an innocuous comment at school which would prove her a liar to them. She doesn't want that to happen, nor does she want to put you in the position of asking your children to keep a secret or potentially tell a lie at school. I wouldn't think anything of it.

user1493022461 Mon 24-Apr-17 11:06:13

It's likely to have anything to do with the school or her children. She's just avoiding her nosy neighbour is all.

Mulberry72 Mon 24-Apr-17 11:08:55

You're being ridiculous, does she have to run every detail of her life past you? biscuit

deloresclaiborne Mon 24-Apr-17 11:26:07

do you come from a rough family, maybe she thought you might rob her house if you knew she was away gringrin

fourandnomore Mon 24-Apr-17 12:02:35

I took my child out of school one December for the last three days. She was off school due to illness anyway and was run down and being bullied at the time, so I had no intention of sending her back in for end of term. She was already noted as being ill, I didn't inform the school of any change. We booked a holiday at 11pm Tuesday left at 11am Wednesday, last minute decision, did her and us the world of good. I told three people purely because I had plans with them later that week. Within a few hours one of them had told another friend of mine, who is a school governor. I didn't care and I know she wouldn't be deliberately causing trouble but you see how these things could escalate and she probably feels bad for lying. It's nothing personal, just ask her if she had a nice holiday and plan drinks out to catch up and see her photos.

bookworm80 Mon 24-Apr-17 12:08:23

Thanks for all the replies. It's unanimous that I'm unreasonable then! I wasn't huffy with her this morning, so that's fine, and I'm honetly not a nosy neighbour, I'm just used to us being friends and sharing stuff. I still think it is weird for good friends not to mention an upcoming big holiday. I'd be happy and excited for her not blabbing to flipping school confused but hey in the scheme of things i guess it doesn't matter...

chocolatey123 Mon 24-Apr-17 13:08:25

I expect she didn't tell you because she has lied to the school about why her child is absent and doesn't expect/want you to have to lie as well if anyone should ask you where she is.

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