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AIBU?

Aibu to get really irritated by my house guest

153 replies

Coughingchildren5 · 24/04/2017 01:49

Visitor here for a long weekend for respite due to a traumatic relationship breakup.
She has two under fives who I am doing my best to help entertain and accommodate by giving up my room so they can all fit in together comfortably, stocked up on food they like, arranged activities they like etc.
My aim was to give them a nice weekend together and a bit of extra support which she doesn't get much of at home.

But she is really testing my patience!! Am i b u or do I have grounds to think twice about another visit.

Here is some of the stuff I am holding my tongue over:

She has also brought her very unruly dog who is very yappy and snappy and the children are told not to touch for safety. It chases my cats and nips and runs all over the house, on tables, sofas, beds, raiding bins... This evening it pooed on my living room carpet and on another has peed up the curtain. She doesn't take the initiative to clean up after the dog, she just sits there and laughs. I have to ask several times to make her do it. I have now armed myself with a squirty water bottle to defend myself and family members from this dog as it won't listen to anyone and has tried to nip my husband's legs! She says we provoke her dog by running or being g loud or moving large objects or other normal activities!

She leaves dirty nappies and wet wipes lying around on dinner tables and other furniture. She doesn't even have nappy bags. I have given her some and explained where the nappies need to go as we have loads of bins for recycling etc but I have just had to go around and collect up yet another pile of used nappies.

She leaves glasses of water all over the place. We also have young children and they are all getting really excited naturally and so it's really unsafe to be leaving glasses lying around. I think this is common sense surely?

She is also a bit sharp tongued and makes little digs at me now and then. It might be from her own frustration at the moment which I get and don't take too personally, but added to the other things, it is all getting a bit much.

Should I just suck it up as she is sad and this behaviour is because she is struggling and this is the kind of thing I need to tolerate with understanding, or is this really awful and I'm being a mug?

OP posts:
KC225 · 24/04/2017 01:58

She sounds like a nightmare and you sound like a saint for putting up with it. Relationship break up or not who would bring a dog and two under fives to a house with young children and cats. The dirty nappy/wipes thing is disgusting. You do not behave like that as a guest and that will not be anything to do with the 'break up'. Do not arrange another visit just yet or at all. She is burning her boats that's for sure.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 24/04/2017 01:59

Sounds horrendous OP. Sorry nothing more to add.

purpleshortcake · 24/04/2017 02:02

Other than the glasses of water which I could understand ..the rest is so rude. Who would bring a dog who can't be trusted with children to a house with someone else's children? And dirty nappies / wipes...just No!
When are they going home OP? Sounds dreadful. In your own home is bad enough let alone when staying a guest!! Has she been a houseguest before?

HorridHenryrule · 24/04/2017 02:03

Run as fast as you can she is taking liberties with your kindness.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 24/04/2017 02:09

She sounds like a dream, it's hard when you're trying to do good, but others norms aren't yours. Dirty nappies just yuk to rabid defecating dogs double yuk.

How much longer is the visit meant to last?

I would have a word in the morning and pop out to the shops and grab some nappy bags. Say you know it's hard for her, but can she put the nappies and wipes in the bags please, plus anything used to clear up after the dogs then in the bin. Also do you have plastic beakers for water?

Bless your sanity, hope this is over soon for you Flowers

PS. It's not normal guest behaviour, I don't know if you can blame the split. But you get what I mean.

Earlybird · 24/04/2017 02:16

You have been a very kind and thoughtful friend, and I think anyone would be irritated. Based on your description, it seems hard to believe you are friends.

When is she due to go?

notborntothemanor · 24/04/2017 02:41

You and the family being nipped by the dog, picking up unhygienic stuff like dog poo and old nappies, and being sniped at. I would say you are being very kind putting up with it, but be aware of your limits and after she leaves, provide support in other ways, but not in your house.

KoalaDownUnder · 24/04/2017 02:47

Are you kidding me?!

I'm sorry she is going through a hard time, but she is rude as fk!

AcrossthePond55 · 24/04/2017 03:09

Since it's for a long weekend I assume she's going home very today or tomorrow.

Unless you want to lose the friendship or relationship (if she's a relative) by telling her she needs to leave, there's not much to do but grit your teeth and endure until she leaves.

Epipgab · 24/04/2017 03:44

Does she do these things in her own home too? I hope she's going home soon for your sake! If you are called upon to be supportive again you can justifiably say that having her to stay doesn't work for you and you would rather speak on the phone/email.

citychick · 24/04/2017 05:17

Sounds awful, op. Sorry to hear this.
When are they leaving?
Sounds like they all need some ground rules.
I would imaging she's feeling all out of control right now and this has spilled out into your home and her behaviour.

I'f she's leaving pronto, I would suggest politely asking for help.
" would you mind washing the glasses and putting them away/ in the dishwasher."
Can you give her a separate container for the nappies? A cheery " nappies in the bin, pls!"

Confirm a leaving date asap tho. Otherwise it will all end in tears.

As for the dog...be firm. I am a doggie person, but would never allow a nippy dog in my home without having somewhere safe for it to go. Accident waiting to happen there...

Good luck.

OldGuard · 24/04/2017 05:26

OMG

" This evening it pooed on my living room carpet and on another has peed up the curtain. She doesn't take the initiative to clean up after the dog, she just sits there and laughs."

No froggin way - you do not have to put up with an animal defecating inside your house

This would be not negotiable for me

" I'm sorry old friend but we can't have a dog here that isn't properly trained - it has to go somewhere else to stay "

RedStripeIassie · 24/04/2017 05:37

The rest sounds ok given what she's going through (who hasn't left nappies around the place when you're stressed and they're tiny) but the dog would be a deal breaker. Sounds like you've been a lovely friend and you just need to lay down some boundaries or your friendship will be over! Is she going today for sure?

citychick · 24/04/2017 05:40

i missed that the dog pooed inside
absolutely no..the dog goes.

yuk!

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2017 05:48

If she behaves like this, is it any wonder she's struggling to find support? YANBU on all counts including the glasses of water. We only used plastic cups when my dd was little for precisely this reason. Why is an adult dog urinating and defecating in a house? Is it not going outside or being walked enough? Of course they wind the dog up. They're little kids, they run round. But she should take precautions for this such as shutting it in another room or putting it outside. Nipping is normal in play for dogs so I don't know if it's malicious. But it won't stop your children from getting nipped even if it is in play.

BusterGonad · 24/04/2017 06:47

I haven't got the tolerance to have anyone stay over for a long weekend, let alone anyone with two kids and a dog! She shoulda like a slob too! Kick her out early I say!

pluck · 24/04/2017 06:59

Is this why she had a relstionship breakup? That's all hideous (except the glasses of water, which are just annoying.). If any of this were unusual, surely she'd be apologising for letting her standards slip with the nappies, etc. Is she transferring anger from the ex-partner onto you, perhaps (e.g. treating you as she wished she'd treated him)?

DearMrDilkington · 24/04/2017 07:01

(who hasn't left nappies around the place when you're stressed and they're tiny)

It's completely different to leave soiled nappies around your own home, I have never ever left dirty nappies lying around someone's house. That's disgusting and rude.

DearMrDilkington · 24/04/2017 07:02

Oh, I never left soiled nappies lying around my own house either! Yuck.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 24/04/2017 07:02

So you're the only person who has stepped up and offered to support her, you've given up your room to accommodate her and she repays you by allowing her dog to run riot, shitting and pissing all over the place and antagonising your cats, she leaves shitty and pissy nappies on your dinner table (seriously this would be enough for me to tell her to fuck right off), she's nasty to you and your family and she expects you to tolerate this?
Pfffft. No wonder nobody else will help her. She's a cunt. Get rid.

Coughingchildren5 · 24/04/2017 07:02

She hasn't walked the dog since arriving, it just runs around. I know she is taking liberties with me because she behaved much more carefully when she visited another friend and was walking the dog then and making sure it wasn't terrorising their cat or them.

I don't want to make a fuss about anything really as she definitely has enough on her plate without feeling embarrassed or awkward.

But it definitely helps to know I'm not being fussy or too demanding to think she is taking the piss.

The glasses of water aren't for her children, they are for her. She drinks a bit and then just leaves them behind.

She isn't going today... one more day to endure. We are going on a trip today but as she stays up until the early hours and gets up at midday maybe we won't have time to!

I'm so drained by the whole thing. I thought I'd feel better in the morning but I'm dreading another day of supervising this gang!!

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 24/04/2017 07:03

OP, she needs to go today. You've said she's taking liberties, and she knows it. And who the fuck has a dog but doesn't walk it? Pack her bags and tell her to go.

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Bluntness100 · 24/04/2017 07:03

She clearly has poor hygiene standards even in other people's homes, but as it's only a long weekend and she's having problems don't make it worse by you also falling out with her, just grit your teeth till she goes and don't invite her back.

Lesson learned, no good deed goes unpunished.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 24/04/2017 07:04

How can she sleep til midday with small kids?

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 24/04/2017 07:04

She isn't on her best behaviour around you because she knows you are a push over. She may well have had a rough time, that doesn't give her the right to cause a problem for others.

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