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To think SIL was out of order

(83 Posts)
Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:32:19

Had issues with SIL ever since I met my DH, she ran out sobbing when we got engaged, plus loads and loads of other stuff. She is a single mum and her son is 8 and she can't be left out of anything,
MIL and FIL won't do anything with DH, DS and I without asking them and it has even got to the stage where we have to not tell SIL and nephew if we do anything with inlaws when nephew is a school or she will kick off and say it's not fair on nephew as he is at school!!!! (Inlaws asked us to not tell her)
DS had been invited to a party from his pre school, the pre school is attached to the school he will go to so trying to get to know mums and dads and make a good impression.
The party was today but DH and I where at a party tonight and we have to travel to get there so MIL very kindly offered to take over from me and DH half way through the party so we could get going, they are then having DS over night. I ring party mum beforehand to and if that is ok and yes no problem at all.
So literary 15 minutes into the party who comes throught the door but MIL, SIL and Nephew.
Party mum looks bemused at all these people turning up so I go and tell her through gritted teeth who they all are, she pats me on the shoulder and says "familys eh can't live with em can't kill em". She was really lovely and goes straight up to nephew and asked him to join in. Nephew says "no it is a baby party"
I know SIL will cause a scene if we say anything to her so I say to DH (who is also mad but like me knows she will make a scene if challenged) lets go as it is ridiculous having 4 adults and and older child to look after DS and it just looks like we are treating it as a family outing.
The looks we got from other parents as well- Not good
So I guess AIBU to think that SIL turning up with nephew was really bad manners and something you just don't do.
DH wants to have it out with her but that will just cause so much crap and FIL is not well at the moment but that won't stop her.
I have just said for the sake of peace we will just never ask MIL to take over at a party again (hopefully will never have to) and we need to be very careful when DS starts school to make it clear that if MIL and FIL are invited to thinks it does not mean that SIL and nephew can come as well.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:34:15

Also the single mum bit I just did not want to drip feed as someone was prob about to ask sis she have a partner. I understand she needs more support from inlaws then we do and that's fine. It just would nice to be able to do something just inlaws and us now and again especially as both DH and I have a day off in the week and could do something when nephew is in school.

TitaniasCloset Sun 23-Apr-17 22:36:32

Sorry I'm confused.

You were at a party in someone's home and about to leave to go to a school event and sil came to the first party uninvited? What do you mean by asking mil to take over?

CatTheMouse Sun 23-Apr-17 22:38:25

I get what you mean. And yes she was being unreasonable, you don't just turn up at someone's party. Very rude.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:39:40

Sorry it was a kids party in a ball from one till three. We had to leave at two at the latest to go to bests friends 40th as it is a two hour drive.
MIL offered to take over from us at the party at 2pm so DS could still got to the party and we could get to the 40th. SIL and nephew turned up with MiL at the kids party

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:40:26

I meant in a hall!!!! Not a ball. Hate typing on my phone
DS is three so a but young to just leave yet

dinosaursandtea Sun 23-Apr-17 22:41:09

Oh bloody HELL - that's just weird. Especially as MIL was coming to take over from you when you were leaving, so they'd all be with strangers at a party they weren't invited to and have no connection with! Tell your MIL that unless she can guarantee it won't happen again, you don't want her minding DS at events.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:41:49

Arrrgggghhhh I am the typo queen

GinSwigmore Sun 23-Apr-17 22:43:56

^only the MIL was supposed to show up to take over supervising her grandson (younger party the little ones have supervision).
OP your SIL was utterly out of order and her mum should have told her so. Cringeworthy.
Has bugger all to do with being a Lone Parent. Support needed or not, she does not need to be glued to her parents 24/7.
Husband should say something. Also, 15 minutes in I assume was not the original arrangement?

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:44:12

The other kids parents are all going to have a really bad impression of us now aren't they? Dam.
Might have to make an announcement at the school gate that my SIL is bat shit (not really of course)

GinSwigmore Sun 23-Apr-17 22:45:49

Or print it on a t shirt wink

GinSwigmore Sun 23-Apr-17 22:46:32

On the plus side, the part hostess sounds like a good 'un.

Gazelda Sun 23-Apr-17 22:46:32

I don't think I could leave this without saying something. Or else she's going to think she can continue continue to intrude. It may not change her behaviour, but worded correctly it might make your PIL think twice about allowing her to get away with this.
"DSis, you turning up to the party made a very awkward situation. We were embarrassed in front of the host, hadn't you thought about food, party bags etc? Please let us know next time you plan on barging into our plans"

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:47:09

No an hour in to the party was the original arrangement.
I told husband not to say anything as SIL would have kicked off big style, believe me being in a party of kids would not stop her.
Dam dam dam I should have seen this coming, she has form. But it honestly never crossed my mind she would do this.
I need to ring the party mum tomorrow and apologise don't I?

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Sun 23-Apr-17 22:47:17

It seems as though SIL is using her son as an extension of herself to make sure she is the centre of attention. Already he will be at an age where he will not want to join in with activities suitable for your DS as they will be too old for him. This will then result in her moaning that her DS is being left out, rather than accept there are things each one will be left out of due to age appropriateness, friendship group, school group etc.
Say your DS goes to university and graduates, PILS get invited along to see their grandchild receive their degree certificate. Is she going to demand her son attend too and receive a certificate or it will be leaving him out? (Irrespective of the fact that he may have received his own years earlier).
She needs to get a grip and once she cottons on her parents are trying to manage her by not telling her things, she will up the ante.

dinosaursandtea Sun 23-Apr-17 22:48:29

Hey, think of it as an icebreaker with the other parents! At least they'll remember you...

TitaniasCloset Sun 23-Apr-17 22:48:58

That's nuts. Who does that? I can see why you have an issue with her based on this one story alone. I bet she acts needy, starts drama and makes everything about her.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:50:15

We are going to be known as those odd parents that bring extended family to everything aren't we? hmm.
And also nephews behaviour is not great so god knows what he got up to after we left. Dam dam dam dam dam. I am kicking myself.

TitaniasCloset Sun 23-Apr-17 22:52:37

Can your dh confront her? What would happen if you called her out on her behavior?

ScarletSienna Sun 23-Apr-17 22:53:32

No one saying anything to her doesn't seem to be helping so I think she should hear how it's making you both feel.

If I was the host of that party, I'd not think badly of you and the way she handled it I think shows she got it! I'd call her to apologise and explain if only to make yourself feel a bit better.

LineysRun Sun 23-Apr-17 22:53:48

Your husband's offered to say something. Let him.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Sun 23-Apr-17 22:56:30

Look Op there is a confrontation brewing on the horizon, quite possibly more than one. You cannot continue to try to manage her as her behaviour will become more and more extreme as she tries to regain control of the situation. Do your thing and if the PIL's want to be her bitch for fear of a kick off, that's their affair.
No, you won't be known as the ones who take extended family everywhere. You'll be known as the family with the drama queen who gatecrashes everything with her entitled brat who can do no wrong in tow.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:57:04

Oh yes I was not her number one fan before this. You just can't believe the drama from a so called adult. Just a few gems:-
At our wedding she told DH she was ill and the ceremony would have to be delayed and then at the night do, she said DH needed to come and sit with her outside for an hour as she was feeling left out (both times she was told to feck off)
DH and I had trouble conceiving, I had a small operation and then it did not look like it was going to happen after four misscarrage. When she adopted nephew she said "ha now I have something you will never have"
I had a major operation that was cancelled due to me having an infection, it was rearranged for the week after she was having surgery and I was accused of stealing her thunder.
And so on and so on and so on. I could go on all night

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Sun 23-Apr-17 22:59:12

Sorry missed the bit where DH has offered to have a word. Let him, you already know she's going to throw a diva strop about it. Best lay your lines in the sand you will not allow to be crossed now (no matter how much she screams and holds her breath) and be prepared to defend them. Better that than have the complete cow try the drama at time which is more important to you.

WayfaringStranger Sun 23-Apr-17 23:00:24

Have you posted about this batshit woman before? Please tell me there isn't more than one of her?! Yanbu at all by the way.

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