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to ask if you would leave your partner over this?

(89 Posts)
hollyvsivy Sun 23-Apr-17 22:31:18

If he had children from a previous relationship that he didn't see and didn't pursue a relationship with and your gut told you that if you separated then he wouldn't see your children together either. Would you end it sooner rather than later?

sooperdooper Sun 23-Apr-17 22:32:25

Yes, there's no excuse for him not to see his kids, does he support them financially? It'd be a massive red flag for me

Mistletoekids Sun 23-Apr-17 22:32:51


ImperialBlether Sun 23-Apr-17 22:33:57

I wouldn't even start a relationship with someone like this.

HuntingSquirrels Sun 23-Apr-17 22:35:03

Yes. I imagine that he is not exactly a stellar parent to the children you share even whilst you are together.

MapMyMum Sun 23-Apr-17 22:36:15

Yes I couldnt be with a person like that

BadKnee Sun 23-Apr-17 22:37:33

Yes, I would leave over that.

I would also not start a relationship with a man who was unpleasant to his ex or his parents.

Capricorn76 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:37:37


Capricorn76 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:39:25

In fact I would leave as soon as I found out.

RainbowsAndUnicorn Sun 23-Apr-17 22:39:52

I wouldn't have even started a relationship, huge red flag.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 23-Apr-17 22:40:27

Yes I would end it sooner rather than later. What kind of person abandons their children? A dick. This information about his kids let's you know that he is definitely a dick even if he is suppressing it well with you at the moment.

Haudyerwheesht Sun 23-Apr-17 22:40:46

I wouldn't have ever started a relationship but if I had then yes id end it

defineme Sun 23-Apr-17 22:41:03


MadameJosephine Sun 23-Apr-17 22:41:31

yes, he's a shitty father and that's not what your children deserve. I've been there, didn't see the red flags at the time and my DS has paid the price sad

ThreeFish Sun 23-Apr-17 22:41:59

Yes, and he wouldn't have progressed to partner status.

AgentProvocateur Sun 23-Apr-17 22:43:17

Yes. I wouldn't start a relationship with a shit father.

TheExuberant1 Sun 23-Apr-17 22:43:18

Why are you thinking about breaking up? This would be the first red flag?!

hellomarshmallow Sun 23-Apr-17 22:44:20

Yes. Don't ignore your gut feeling.

Moanyoldcow Sun 23-Apr-17 22:44:30

Yes. Definitely.

hellomarshmallow Sun 23-Apr-17 22:45:24

Even if you never had children together so it wasn't an issue, how could you be with someone who didn't care about his DC?

hareagain Sun 23-Apr-17 22:47:41

I would end it if I had a reason to end it in terms of your existing relationship, not because of that.

hollyvsivy Sun 23-Apr-17 22:48:03

We had DC before he stopped seeing his other children. He does pay for them but finds keeping up contact too stressful hmm

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 23-Apr-17 22:48:26

I was with a man - and married him - who didn't see his dd much. In fact only when he was single was he 'allowed' to by his ex to see her. . They went to mediation and made arrangements etc. She broke them. . He paid csa and saved to take her to court. .She didn't turn up. . More mediation which she no showed. . It went on for the 5 years we were together. . We split up. . He was allowed to see her again. .
Believe it or not there are women who haven't got their dc best interests at heart. .
We had no dc together basically because I wanted no ties to her. . Dc sharing a df we would have. . No. Just no.

BillyButtfuck Sun 23-Apr-17 22:49:15

Yes I would leave as soon as I realised he was a shit parent and before my children were old enough to understand (if you did split) that he's uninterested in them.

hollyvsivy Sun 23-Apr-17 22:56:45

That isn't the case here flapjacks. She was happy for him to see them, she just wanted a bit more effort. Sadly, he didn't make it. Our eldest is five.

Next question. If I offered him the DC on a plate, when it suited him then he might remain in contact. If I didn't do this, he probably wouldn't. Would you test his commitment at the beginning by insisting on set arrangements rather than what suits him to save the DC being let down at a later date?

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