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How do you know it's time to split up?

(15 Posts)
Tenerife2015 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:37:57

As above.. sad

ModerateBecomingGoodLater Sun 23-Apr-17 19:38:33

Dunno, but I know I dread coming home when he's here.

ModerateBecomingGoodLater Sun 23-Apr-17 19:39:17

Why do you ask? Is it a new thing, something that's happened, or a festering heap of daily crap?

pringlecat Sun 23-Apr-17 19:43:23

Any of the below, really:

When neither of you wants to fight for it anymore.
When neither of you enhances the other's life in some way.
When the relationship is damaging towards at least one party.

A relationship should make your life better, not worse. If it's dragging you down, time to examine why and if that's fixable. Sometimes it's not.

Tenerife2015 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:43:35

I don't know, we keep having minor arguments and they're just wearing me down... It goes from zero to shouting pretty quickly and we don't seem to have patience with each other anymore sad

Chillyegg Sun 23-Apr-17 19:45:00

Er the fact your asking means you want to split.

FantaIsFine Sun 23-Apr-17 19:45:50

When I got a black eye would have been a good indicator, but it took a long time after that.

I think a helpful yardstick can be: if your friend was telling you about your situation as theirs and your advice would be to leave. I have been in many situations where my advice to a friend would be to walk, if it were the same, but in the past I've not done it - good to have learned.

Tenerife2015 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:59:35

There's no DV, we just seem to rub each other up the wrong way. During arguments he twists what I'm saying then calls me crazy when I blow! sad I'm losing the will to keep trying!

I don't want to be with him, but I don't want to be without him either sad

Calvinlookingforhobbs Sun 23-Apr-17 20:02:19

Do you have DC? Would counselling help? Are you happy, ever? Life is short but divorce is hard...

MillionToOneChances Sun 23-Apr-17 20:04:00

This book helped me:

Tenerife2015 Sun 23-Apr-17 20:08:21

Yes we have a DC whose 9 months. We are happy a lot of the time but argue every few days. When in the middle of arguing I just want him gone, I start imaging life just me and DC and how we'd cope. Then he cries, begs for us to be ok again and I can't say no. I don't want to hurt him.

Coughandsplutter Sun 23-Apr-17 20:31:08

....when you post the question on MN....

theculture Sun 23-Apr-17 20:46:24

Generally as above, but if you have a new baby and have not much sleep it's easy to stop being so kind to each other - are you happy generally with how he looks after the baby and his attitude to you?
I know for the first few years after kids we were just too knackered to properly communicate but I did recognize the fundamental decency in my Dp which made it worth putting the extra effort in to keep our relationship ticking over until it got easier - the kids slept more and we learnt to be parents

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 23-Apr-17 20:49:28

What are you arguing about?

The first year of DD's life was really hard with tiredness and there was some other stuff going on.

HerBluebiro Sun 23-Apr-17 20:50:59

9 months is hard. Oh so very hard.

It gets easier. Much much easier.

Then you can start living each other again. Or not if the rot is too deep.

I'd suggest if there is nothing in particular, just a sense of unhappiness of rubbing each other up the wrong way you wait it out. If you can talk it through with your oh sensibly without sniping (bearing in mind you will both feel awful right now so may not respond elegantly about the problems you are both causing each other) that is better than just being it.

But this stage is the pits

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