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To hate myself so much

(21 Posts)
fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 18:41:27

My dp is currently out with all our friends having fun and a great time and I'm stuck in the house with dd. It was a christening do followed by night out for the adults so dp took dc for a few hours so I could have a break and so she could have fun with other children (ballon modelling, face painting, candy floss), then I picked dc up so dp can enjoy the rest of the night which I could have been doing also.

The reason, because I feel too fat and disgusting that I didn't want people I haven't seen in a while to see me looking this overweight and Nothing suits me because my belly sticks out like I'm pregnant (I'm not).

He has offered to come home early for me but there's no point him sitting looking at my sour bake. No issues with childcare of anything and I've choose to stay on even though I would have loved to go but I'm just so embarrassed by my weight I could cry.

I can't love like this, dp has hinted That he will propose later in the year but I don't want to big overweight when he does etc etc but I can't stop eating.

I need a grip.

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 18:42:32

Sorry for the spelling mistakes confused

Astro55 Sun 23-Apr-17 18:44:15

Have a grip!

People love you for who you are not your weight!

If you feel so fed up of it - use that to spur you on to do something about it - because it is something only you can change if it's making you unhappy

ofudginghell Sun 23-Apr-17 18:45:21

flowers for you op.
Sorry your feeling so crap.
How old are your dc?
If the youngest is still quite little it could be hormones making you feel a little rubbish?

Has the weight gain been sudden or gradual?
Your do sounds lovely and supportive.
Have you made any steps yet to feel better about yourself?x

ISaySteadyOn Sun 23-Apr-17 18:45:52

Oh love, didn't want to read and run. But yabu to hate yourself definitely.

It's so hard in this thin-obsessed society sometimes to remember that the people who love you love you for who you are not what your weight is. I have been struggling with this myself so you are not alone.
No advice, but empathy and flowers

peoplepleaser70 Sun 23-Apr-17 18:49:43

I've been exactly where you are and it's horrid. I'm afraid to say only you can change your mindset... and believe me, even just dropping a few pounds will start to make you feel better and be more positive... then that should spur you on to keep it up. I still feel like that sometimes, I'm struggling to lose weight but I am not giving up and I am trying to make the most of 'me'... outfits that I feel good in (who cares what size), make up, hair... sounds superficial but anything to make you feel good. I then have a whole better outlook on life in general. Lots of Love... I know it's hard but the people who care about you love you no matter what.

KateDaniels2 Sun 23-Apr-17 18:54:21

Been there. And yes yabu to hate yourself. You are so much more than your dress size/weight.

I came out the other side. My will power was fuelled by how i felt at my lowest, at first. Everytime i thought about eating crap i thought about wether i really wanted it (you have to have occasional treats) what treats i had already had and about how i felt when i was at my lowest.

Within a few weeks i didnt need to revisit my lowest points. I felt better and started concentrating on what my body needed to be healthy. Not skinny.

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 18:55:07

Thank you for the replies. I'm more paranoid I think because my weight really shows on my face so on pictures it looks bad. I am an apple shape and so dresses and tshirts just show all my belly.

My dp said everyone was asking for me and he just told them I wasn't feeling too good. I have download my fitness pal and i am going to sit and make a list for the week for example I will walk for 30 minutes at least 3 days. Dd is 2 years old. I'm going to plan all my lunches for work and not take any money in so I can stray from what I've planned. I need to lose about 4 stone.

But yes I need to take small steps at a time.

Whereismumhiding2 Sun 23-Apr-17 18:56:33

I don't know what else to say other than want to send a hi or something so you don't feel alone xxx

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 18:57:09

I blame everything for my weight. Can't dress nice, what's the point in doing my makeup nice as I'm fat, I have to wax my face every other week because being overweight has somehow caused me to grow facial hair. The hairs are pale on colour but you can see al the fluff in the sun hmm

Gaelach Sun 23-Apr-17 18:58:43

Well done for making a plan! That's the first step. Is there someone who could go for walks with you, neighbour/friend?

statetrooperstacey Sun 23-Apr-17 19:00:05

What sort of damage are we talking here? Have you gone from a size 8 to a 14 or a 14 to a 26? Is it just you that notices? Do you know what your triggers are?
Much sympathy here, emotional eating and boredom get me. I have today got a Fitbit and hoping that will help me.
The weight loss boards are helpful on here.
Yabu to hate yourself tho, be as kind to yourself As you would be to a friend who felt the same. Self loathing just makes you eat more!

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 19:00:25

I'm happy enough to go out on my own with dc in the pram I think so I don't mind the walks alone

Trb17 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:02:05

If the facial hair is a new thing, that added to weight gain could be PCOS or another hormonal imbalance. It might be advisable to see your GP as it might well be a symptom.

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 19:02:39

I've went from a 10/12 to a 16 more like and indenial 18. But it really shows on me and my size 16 jeans are getting a little snug. I eat when I'm sad, when I'm happy, bored everything. Sometimes I'll be a little possessed like I'll drive to McDonalds on a whim when dp is working and I don't let on I've went to McDonalds.

Not good at all

fedupwithmyself Sun 23-Apr-17 19:04:07

I had a docs appointment a few months ago for tiredness and they checked all my levels but I'm not sure they checked specific hormones levels more like iron and stuff.

Maybe I should go visit my gp

statetrooperstacey Sun 23-Apr-17 19:19:21

Do you feel hungry and sort of "empty" even tho you are clearly full?
For example, I can eat a substantial (binge amount) of food end even though I feel ill and bloated and would struggle to say bend over or even sit upright I am still fucking hungry.
For me it's because the food I overeat on is actually shit so although my body is literally crammed it hasn't actually hAd any nutrients and is still shouting for them.
So basically overweight yet malnourished, does this sound like you?
I read freedom from the diet trap by Jason vale I found it helpful.
Also I have a gastric band hypnosis cd from Amazon a Paul McKenna one got a used one for about £4,

ofudginghell Sun 23-Apr-17 20:26:38

The facial hair thing could def be hormone related op.

I felt crap at the beginning of the year after a good few months of eating junk and not excercising etc

I bought some multi vits,vitamin c,vitamin d,and calcium and started taking them religiously every day.
I also cut out the amount of crap I ate and snacked on raw veg and low fat yogurt depending on whether I fancied sweet or savoury.

I reduced the amount of carbs I was eating and instead I load my plate with veg etc.
I made little changes but within a few days of eating better I felt better,more sprightly and energetic

After about a month I think the multi vits kicked in and I'm now feeling great.
I do still have treats but not too much and it works as I don't feel hungry but I also don't feel over stuffed after each meal.
Once you start to feel better you will gain confidence again and clothes start to fit better boom more confidence.
Just think if your feeling that rubbish now you can only feel better op.

It's hard to start with but it takes a strong person to say they feel like you do so you've made the first step already.
With a good supportive partner and some more activity you will start to feel better.
If it makes you feel better I get my brows and tash waxed every four weeks but the waxer politely asked if I'd like anywhere else on my face waxed last week confusedblush

Astro55 Sun 23-Apr-17 21:57:47

Yes to walking!

Good plan not to take cash to work

Planning meals is good - but do build in a few treats so you don't resent it

Look forward to something every week.

What loneybyou save could go in a jar for new clothes or hair or night out

Astro55 Sun 23-Apr-17 21:57:58

Money you save

ofudginghell Mon 24-Apr-17 23:23:22

How did today go op?

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